My future husband and his self medicating habits

[tanner456]

I’ve just found out that for the past 6 months my partner has been self medicating ( alcohol & pain medication) because his so tired and his trying to stay awake at night

prior to this he has had depressed thoughts and has made self harming comments “ what you say to me makes me what to hurt myself” when conflicts come up he says “ you are going to make me do something you regret”

He brought it up in a fight we have some what resolved it and now when I bring it up he claims his over it now and has things to look forward to and excited about ..

i’m trying to be the best partner I can but I’m just scared/worried how to bring it up to him ... I want him to be honest and feel like he can talk to me about anything

[Aaronsis]

Hi tanner456

It is so great that you have come to BB to seek some support and some help with your husband, he sounds like he is really struggling and I am so sorry that you are feeling so scared and worried about his mental health and how you can support him. I am also feeling for you in that it would be very frightening to hear your husband say those things about hurting himself and threatening to do something you will regret.

I am not a professional but I have recently lost my brother to suicide and have recieved some amazing councelling, in part of that I actually was terrified that as a result of my brother taking his life that my father would in turn do the same as the loss of his son has completely broken him. The advice I was given was to directly ask him, I found this confronting and frightening and thought how on earth can I ask that...well my counsellor role played it with me and I felt empowered to directly ask my father "are you considering taking your life?" I am suggesting that perhaps when your husband says these sorts of comments to you that you can ask him directly "are you thinking about suicide?" I feel like then you actually have a starting point as he will answer with a yes or no answer and therefore you can take action on something that is factual and not a suggestion that he is perhaps making. If he says "yes", remain as calm as you can and then you could either call lifeline 131114 with him and talk to a professional or if you think it can perhaps wait til the next day and make an appointment at your GP and have some conversations that can then put some action and some plans in place for him to start his journey to wellness.

It sounds so very hard to do and you can practice in the mirror to yourself, but once you ask this question I feel like you then have the power to help him as there are no more suggestions, or threats, you have something to work with and you can then start to move forward also and get some help with supporting him too.

I think too by asking him this will also show him he can talk to you about anything and that you are not going to judge him but just support him and that will be very helpful to you both.

I am not sure if this has been helpful to you tanner456 but I wish you every bit of strength to help your partner and yourself too, that is so very wonderful of you.

Hugs to you tanner456

AS