What do you do when your friend has just broken up after a
whirlwind of romance? How empty do your own words ‘It’s gonna be fine’ sound while
consoling her? Worst of all, how do you identify signs of depression?
I was clouded by these thoughts when my very good friend, let’s
call her Phoenix, was going through a bad breakup. I gave her usual words of
advice, “He did not deserve you, you are going to find someone, drink your
sorrows with alcohol”. Like a dutiful person, she tried to follow but she couldn’t
just let go of him and the breakup in the past and all the self-esteem issues
she had earlier. She was looking for validations from random hook-ups. She was
so hurt, destroyed and withering in depression.
I dint know what to do, worse, I had no idea she was in
depression. There were signs, but they were camouflaged under the grief of break-up.
Isn’t the pain of breakup same for everyone? Isn’t breakup just a normal thing
and then you should forget and get going?
No. The answer is a plain no to above questions. Phoenix saw
the signs in her and decided to see a therapist. She decided to fight it for
the greater good. It was not easy. There were so many moments of self-doubt, relapses,
pain, hurt and anxiety. She had to go through it alone. Because, it is difficult
to understand what it’s like to be in a therapy for person like me who had
never visited a therapist. Thinking about it now, I feel bad for not being
there. As a friend, I failed the fundamental promise of friendship.
However, Phoenix rose above all. She found an awesome
psychologist, did almost a year of therapy. She rediscovered herself. She was
no more the old person that I had met two years’ ago. She was so happy, joyful,
kind and forgiving. Phoenix inspired me and so many others to do something about
concealed mental health issues. She talks non-stop about mindfulness; she wants
more and more people to be happy and fight their mental health struggles.
My Phoenix has indeed reborn from ashes and is now flying
into the open sky. She knows no limit; she knows no fear.
If you know anyone going through a bad break-up, don’t ignore
them, don’t count their problems as trivial. Conditions like depression and
anxiety attack in various harmless forms. Beware and be mindful.
