Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Helping a friend whose being mentally abused by ex

replies: 1

Hello, could someone please offer me some resources for my beautiful friend? She has a 4 year old and is separated from dad for about 2 years. They share their son back and forth on a mutual agreement, nothing documented or put in place by law. the main concern is he's started mentally abusing her, calling her terrible names And carrying on like a teenager (sometimesin front of their son). She has reason to believe he's following her and is starting to feel unsafe. I've told her there's lots of support for people in these situations which I know there is but, I don't know where to look! I've told her to contact the police ASAP about him following her but that's all I've got... I'd like to give her some resources so she can reach out and get help to put her back in a safe spot. Can someone please share links of where I can send my friend for help on this situation? Thanks so much.

9 year old daughter suffering anxiety

replies: 8

Hi A few months ago I had a happy go lucky, active and funny daughter. A few particular events sparked a few worries about her ability to cope with situations. The last two weeks of the school term she became detached and unable to understand or explain how she felt. Many new worries became part of her daily concerns- vomiting, catching a cold and she started to display OCD traits. She lost interest in food because she couldn’t decide what she wanted , she couldn’t decide what she wanted to do so she wandered around aimlessly. Before school finished I booked an appointment at the doctors for myself to explain what was happening from there an appointment for my daughter was made. We were referred to a Mental Health service. Because of the holiday break the appointment isn’t until late next week. We as a family feel that we are drowning in not knowing how to support her correctly as her symptoms are becoming overwhelming for her. She continually asks when will she get well and that she does not want to feel like this. Her emotions are like a roller coaster. We have had many conversations about how she feels, what we can do to help her through. We are oblivious to what has triggered her anxiety. We need some guidance to help all of us through these next two weeks until we have professional help

My fiance is supporting ME during depression, but I'm worried about him

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm posting in this section to get advice from other carers, I'm the one going through mental illness, but I'm worried about the effect this is having on my partner. My partner seems to be not looking after himself. I know I don't look after myself at the moment - because of my mental illness, but he lately he has been neglecting self care (personal hygiene) and also not eating healthily or exercising (when he used to love the gym). I'm absolutely devastated that he is feeling like this, and I feel like its my fault. I should be able to look after myself and be okay. But I'm so depressed. And now I've made him and his life suffer terrible because of me. I've had a conversation with him about his health, and he says he feels embarrassed to go to the gym because of his current weight, and or just says that he is fine. What can I do? I want so badly for my health to improve mentally and psychically - and now I'm dragging down the one good thing in my life. I feel so guilty and hopeless.

Living with a Narcissist

replies: 20

I would love to hear from others who are enduring or surviving a relationship with a narcissist. I have recognised, with the help of my psychiatrist, that I have engaged in co-dependency, try to rescue others and will often subjugate my needs in order to fill others needs first. Enough is Enough! I have gone through the realisation phase, disappointment, disillusionment, anger, feeling stupid and gullible and very suicidal. What is really ironic is that my partner is a psychologist. My needs are not going to be met in this relationship and I am not going to keep meeting his. Unconditional love is a great ideal, BUT only God can give it, because he is in a position of power, not need. He needs nothing in return. Human love is conditional. Enduring abuse, emotional neglect and loneliness is a form of self abuse especially while you are waiting for the 'other half' to pay a little interest in the investment you have made in him. I am trying to work out how I can save myself. Do I HAVE to leave him? Is there another way?

Feeling in despair and lost with impending separation

replies: 12

My partner of almost 30 years has been quite withdrawn and isolated himself from me for sometime. When our children left home, he stopped eating evening meal with me and would have headphones on listening to podcasts or would watch tv programs I had no interest in. Our children are currently back living with us and he was just ignoring me or turning up the tv in annoyance when I spoke. He came out with it recently that he hates work and is negative about most of his work mates and it sounds like he has isolated himself at work. He announced to me that he had no feelings for me. My immediate reaction is to move away but I have no support network and don’t know where to disappear to. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and shocked at the same time. I did not see this coming. I am an emotional wreck at times and am scared.

How can I help my son?

replies: 2

Yesterday my 24 year old son did not attend our Christmas gathering. I felt deveststed as it was a special occasion meeting new family of my daughters fiancé. I was worried for my son and so sad that he missed out on a special occasion. However I did... View more

advice to help a suffering partner? ( Long distance )

replies: 4

Hey guys! i'm new here and appreciate anyone taking the time to ready my post. So I'm 25 and currently in a relationship of almost 3 years with a girl i completely adore. Though recently things havnt been going all that great. we live in different countries so visits do not happen often ( 1-2 times a year of varying lengths depending on current situation ). Now my partner is a sweet, caring and beautiful girl but is really suffering as of the past 5 months. she has always struggled with depression but only recently has it been this bad and for this long to the point it is affecting the relationship. Our last visit, and the last for 12 months was for 2 months and she was extremely withdrawn for almost the entirety. She showed little intimacy or joy, barely any enjoyment from being in my company and ofcourse i took it to heart a bit as we don't get much time together and it is far too expensive to be able to. She is not interested in communicating often, we went from a hour or 2 video chats a day to once every 3-4 days and her treating it as a chore more often than not. we text constantly throughout the day, and she initiates conversations via text often just not with a call. we have discussed our relationship and she insists she loves me and wants to be with me and she is going through a rough patch. on a day she's feeling good we can talk for hours, laugh and smile at it's fantastic, on bad days we generally just argue or she will be a little nasty despite me trying to avoid it. is there any advice on how to deal with this current situation? it's starting to take its toll on me. I understand her situation as ive recently recovered from a ~10 years with depression. we've made a " no go zone " on topics that we should avoid as it upsets her though this is all she seems to want to speak on. I feel like i try and give too much advice? but i'm not sure what else to say. i just try to voice what helped me overcome it but this ends in a argument. she doesnt do what she enjoys anymore, sort of just wants to sit with her own company doing nothing. rarely is happy to call me unless it's a rare day she's feeling okay. she has multiple large stress inducers that are un avoidable as extremely bad money sit, bad environment at home, mean housemates, stress of uni, struggle with insecurity with looks etc. what should I avoid saying that may be upsetting her without knowing? how do i not take things personally and be insecure? how to help in general?

Unstable Housemate - Feel Like A Prisoner In Own Home

replies: 5

Hello All, Currently struggling to cope due to my mentally unstable housemate. She's an alcoholic, but calls herself an "alcohol enthusiast" to soften the blow for herself. This habit drains a lot of her money and I get concerned about her ability to pay bills and rent. Her drinking until she's drunk is very common and I don't like being around her when she's drunk. Her partner who comes around to visit occasionally is also an alcoholic. Also loves drama and victimizing herself. She has a dog, which suffers from separation anxiety. Our neighbor recently complained about the barking, and has been told by the property manager to call the local council if it doesn't improve. In the case of a Council Investigation, if it does happen, my roommate has threatened to hurt herself if the council try and take the dog away. Which left me feeling very stressed. I've now been indirectly told I need to take the dog with me if I go anywhere to prevent the dog from barking. This has resulted in me feeling responsible for anything that happens should I leave the dog at home alone for an extended period of time. There's no way I can take the dog with me to work. While it's just a hunch, I think the neighbor only complained when they did due to my housemates partner almost running over one of the neighbors kids. Can't help feeling that this wouldn't have happened if my housemates partner had put his foot on the brake, or even just eased off the accelerator. I know he didn't as he bragged about it, saying it would be "natural selection" if the kid was "dumb enough to stay in the way." The next day a complaint about the dogs barking was made. Lastly, she doesn't clean. Before moving in together she said she hates living in an untidy/dirty place. It's been a few months now and she's swept and mopped once, done the dishes maybe six times and hasn't cleaned the toilet/bathroom. Being the clean freak I am, I've been doing most of the cleaning. Finding it all really frustrating. Feel like a prisoner in my own place, chained to the dog and the sink. At a loss of what to do. I'm too scared to talk to her as I don't know how she's going to react. DisplayName5742

Living with a depressed partner for 10 years

replies: 3

Hi, I am new to this community and am so glad I have found you all. I guess my situation is similar to a lot of yours and I'm hoping to get some advice and perspective. I have been married to my husband for 10 years and we have a 5 year old son. My partner began showing signs of depression during our engagement, after discussing this with him he told me that he had suffered from depression on and off for the past few years and it always passed with time and it was nothing to worry about. I guess because I was young (23) and didn't have any life experience I let it slide. Seemingly he did get better quickly and we went on to marry. For the first few years we coasted along, he had a few moments here and there where he was depressed but nothing over the top. 5 years ago when we had our son, life was great. I had a good job, he had a good job and we had our new son. Slowly over the last 5 years he has been slipping into deeper and darker episodes. We saw our family doctor who prescribed him anti depressants. This worked for a while until he started to have other things go wrong in his life. All of a sudden, he couldn't see the good in anything, he hated his job, hated where we lived, hated his family and also hated that I was so happy in my job. I know hate sounds strong, but these were his words not mine. I am a very stable person and managed to keep everything coasting along ok. He drifted from job to job, always finding something or someone he hated there, and left. More often than not this left us in a bad financial position but we managed. Last August he came home from work and said he needed a break from work and wanted to leave and take some time off to regroup and retrain and work on his issues. We reworked our budget and found a way. Now 14 months down the track he is worse than ever. He signed up for a TAFE course, went to one class and never went back, he refuses to see a doctor or seek help of any sort. He spends his days on the lounge watching movies and I have to come home after working 10+ hours to a house with dishes in the sink, a unfed/unbathed child, dinner not started and the house looking like a bomb has hit it. He is aggressive but not violent. I don't know how long I can keep this up. Please help me. I feel deep down that I want to leave him, I am able to support myself and son easily, but don't want him to feel abandoned. He has no job and nowhere to go. I am not happy, and surely I deserve to be?

I'm desperate!!! I need to help my wife

replies: 3

My wife has suffered depression and anxiety pretty much all of our relationship (8 years married/10 together) and I still love her dearly. In the past I've tried to get her to go for help but she won't ("they have no idea what i'm going through!!" is the main reason she gives). Very recently she's spiralled downward even more. She's well educated however finding it almost imposible to find a job fit for her qualifications. She's originally from overseas (China) and cultural differences don't help from time to time. This is contributing to her having an extremely low opinion of herself (hates herself). In everyday life any setback, disagreement, family hicchup with either hers or my family sends her down a very dark path. She regularly vents and says very hurtful things a lot. I've tried to be there for her (I haven't always been the best at that). It culminated tonight. She went out for a drive and when came home told me she had every intention of taking actions which could have killed her. This has shattered me. I could've lost her tonight. She's said similar before but tonight was different.....I really want to get her help. However there is almost no mental services around (far northern melbourne) plus can't get her to go. The bad part is now I'm broken too. Lost and helpless not knowing next move. I'm numb and constantly worrying. I don't want this impacting our 2 beatiful little girls and I want my wife to feel somewhat normal again. She's a great mum but she's struggling. I really need to get her (and me) to see someone. I'm trying today but don't hold much hope of her coming with me. I suppose at least if I go it's a start. But still.......I don't know.........

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Helping a friend whose being mentally abused by ex replies: 1

9 year old daughter suffering anxiety replies: 8

My fiance is supporting ME during depression, but I'm worried about him replies: 2

Living with a Narcissist replies: 20

Feeling in despair and lost with impending separation replies: 12

How can I help my son? replies: 2

advice to help a suffering partner? ( Long distance ) replies: 4

Unstable Housemate - Feel Like A Prisoner In Own Home replies: 5

Living with a depressed partner for 10 years replies: 3

I'm desperate!!! I need to help my wife replies: 3