Burnout from partner's depression?

[StillNewToThis]

Hi, I haven't been here in a while. Life has been very busy and largely going okayish (no really bad episodes).
But recently, I've just been feeling very tired and flat.
As a bit of a background, my wife has BPD, in the past she has been suicidal with roughly seven (thankfully unsuccessful) suicide attempts in the last seven years that I've been with her.
She swings a bit between depression and anxiety, but currently it seems to mainly be depression. She used to talk to me about how she's doing, but stopped that some time ago and gets extremely defensive when I ask, or worse yet, suggest that we go to the psychiatrist, that she hasn't been to in at least six months, but probably much longer than that.

Our relationship currently isn't very good and I think some of that might be my fault as well. She's EXTREMELY negative and I, as a naturally positive person, find this very hard to deal with.
If I fix something that she has wanted to be fixed for a while, I sometimes get a very brief "thanks", but it's usually followed by her complaining that I didn't do X, Y and Z.
I'm really struggling with this and while I'm naturally definitely more of a lazy person, I just feel like this zaps all my energy and it's hard to motivate myself to do things that we want done if I know she's just going to complain about something afterwards regardless.

I should mention that we also have a two year old son whom we both love, but he's not an easy child.
He's very fixated on me, which she finds very hard to deal with. If she picks him up, he'll ask for me most of the time.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can deal with my wife a bit better? Also, would there happen to be any support meetings for people with partners/family with BPD?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi StillNewToThis,

Thanks for your post and checking in with us. As a full heads up I haven't read your other posts so apologies if I miss or skim over something that's important!

I do really appreciate that you're here and looking for support for your wife. I know that people in relationships with BPD can seriously struggle - it can often feel like a person can't win or is at a loss for what to do/say to make things easier or better.

You mentioned in your post that she suggested a psychiatrist, is this something that you've ever done together? Or to see a psychologist either together or on your own? While it doesn't sound like she's getting the support she needs, it is one way for you to do so.

Resources wise, here's a list. Hopefully it's not too long - there are so many resources out there! -

- https://bpdfoundation.org.au/index.php If you click on your state you can find some services there and links to support groups. They also have forums specific for carers of people with BPD.

- www.careraustralia.com.au They provide counselling services face-to-face, through Skype and in person. While I know some people hate the word 'carer', I'm putting it in here because the advice can be super helpful and specific to some of the things people face.

- https://www.bpdaustralia.org/about-family-connections/ While this isn't quite a support group, I'm putting this here because it's for families and partners for those with BPD, so you will meet people in the same boat anyway.

- The book 'But I love you' by Bon Dobbs, or 'Stop walking on eggshells workbook' by Randi Kreger.

Hope this helps and best of luck in finding a support group

RT