My boyfriend is depressed - I need some support

[Medusa]

Hi,

My boyfriend is depressed and ended our relationship via text messsge last Thursday while I was overseas. I just returned home. I am heartbroken. I had just spoken to him a few days earlier on the phone and everything was fine.

I emailed him to let him know that I felt very upset and to ask him if he would speak to me in person about his decision to end our relationship. I told him I didn't want our relationship to end. He said he didn't want to speak me in person because he couldn't change his mind. We had some email correspondence over a couple of days. He said he was sorry that he could not give me what I want. He said he didn't want to be with me or anyone and that he needed to sort his stuff out. He said talking with him wouldn't change anything. He said he was not well mentally and too stressed in his life. He said he needs to be on his own.

I haven't contacted him since our email correspondence ended on Sunday. I miss him and I want to speak with him, but I am also respecting that he doesn't want to speak with me. He hasn't contacted me since either.

I don't know what to do, I need some advice.

thanks for listening.

[Medusa]

Hi Raman, Hi Geoff

Thank you both for your ongoing support.

I have really been struggling with this. I know my thoughts and feelings are confused. I guess I have been focusing on my own hurt and coming to terms with the reality of the situation.

I know I have to accept our relationship is over. It's hard but I want to be his friend. I've been reading a lot about depression. I don't want his depression to push me away. I'm just going to be here for him if he needs me. It may not make any difference but I care about him too much. He means too much to me. I guess now I need to learn how to be here for him.

I really appreciate these forums and allowing me to ramble. It has given me strength.

Thank you for your listening and sharing your advice.

Renee

[geoff]

hi Renee, it's good that you want to stay friends with him, so now the r/ship is going to change from what it once was to how you want it to be, where you may have to say no when asked a question, whereas before you would have said yes. Geoff.

[eljaycee]

Hi Medusa,

Sorry to hear about your relationship and heartbreak.

I can understand how you'd be feeling. My boyfriend has PTSD and has episodes of shutdowns. We've been together (not living together though) for 5 years. Although, when we first met after just over a month that we'd been together I got a message very similar to yours. He considered himself to be toxic to be around and he needed to disappear. I was gutted. I knew he hadn't been feeling great but it came as a big shock. He wouldn't speak to me, but through messaging I eventually got him to agree that if I gave him some space for a few weeks then he'd see how he felt.

During those few weeks, he sought medical help and eventually he got back in touch and we've been together ever since. It hasn't been an easy relationship at all, but he's worth it. At the moment, he is in the middle of one of his shutdown periods where he prefers to not communicate much and often goes into a mental health facility - they tend to happen the same time each year - and I've been struggling a little, but I know that sooner or later he'll come good again.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have a break from him for a while, he might be able to get his head straight. But being friends might be a better option for you, you can be a bit more detached when things get really difficult.

I hope it helps to hear you're not the only person who's felt like this. I'm not the most eloquent person on message boards, but I hope you're ok. 🙂

[RandR]

Hi @Medusa

How are you going?

You're a true friend and a keeper. If you feel that being there for him and you is the best thing then by all means stand by your decision and do it. He is fortunate to have you in his life.

I'm sure you will work this all out and how to best approach the situation. Do keep in contact with us and let us know how things are going and of course, reach out if you need some help or to ramble 🙂 🙂 🙂

Regards,

Raman.

[keekeee]

Hi Medusa, I am new to this forum as I came for support with my own very similar problems. Its amazing to me how similar all of these situations sound! I do not know what advice to give you, other than saying that you are not alone and I am dealing with a very similar expereince as well. My partner broke it off with me saying he I deserve better and its not me that he doesnt want, he doesnt really want to be with anyone and he wishes he could give me what i want but he just doesnt feel as strongly, because he cant find it in himself to feel strongly about anything at the moment? It is extremely difficult and I hope you are taking care of yourself and knowing that it isnt a personal rejection. It is hard not to feel helpless and I wish you all the best, and know that you will get through it. If you have any updates on how it works out i would love to know

xxx