mother with adult daughter with depression- I'm feeling helpless- HELP

[tippy]

hi

I'm a mum whose daughter has recently been diagnosed with depression.

Over the last few weeks she has had amed change and I see she is starting to disconnect and just not her usual self.  I'm

worried and feeling helpless?

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can help.  I'm new to this.  Iplan to head over to her in the morning but what's the best thing I can do to help her

I'm feeling so much stress tonight I've been up and worrying all night

[Snoman]

Hi Tippy,

Welcome to the BeyondBlue forums.

When I told my mum that I had depression and was taking medication for it, she also did not know how to handle it.  She also made all the classic mistakes of telling me how I could just think differently and "get over it".  She wondered if I should stop taking my medication.

Antidepressants can take quite a few weeks to have a noticeable effect.  Often, we may need to try a few until we find the one that works best for us.  As the meds do their thing, we can go through periods where we do seem to disconnect.  We might feel like zombies with a foggy mind or unable to feel anything.  This will pass.

Please do accept that this is an illness in the same sense as a "physical" illness.  Your daughter will need support and encouragement, and very importantly, acknowledgement that this is not her fault, not something she could have prevented, not something she can "get over", not something she can fix all by herself, and also, not something that will last forever.

Think of her medication as slow working and will take months to help her recover.  Think of psychologists or psychiatrists as mental physiotherapists who will help her to strengthen her injured thought processes.

Also know that the recovery process is quite bumpy.  So don't be too surprised to see her have a bad couple of days or weeks after being good for a while.

This web site has some wonderful information to help carers, family and friends.  At the top, there is a section under Resources/Family and Friends.  In there, follow the links to find some PDFs with great info.  Alternatively, Beyond Blue can post the booklets to you for free.  They are pretty good (we have them).

Please post more questions and updates as things progress if you want.  This can help you and others reading your posts.

🙂 Sno

[geoff]

dear Tippy, thanks for reaching out to help with your daughter, this is always a very concerning time for you when you see that she is seemingly going down into depression.

Can I ask you whether or not you have been faced with this illness before, and I only ask this because it you have then you will know detrimental this debilitating can be, however if you haven't then I would suggest that you click under 'resources' at the top of the page and order all the printed material from BB, it's free but it describes the illness and what to do very well.

Now you have a question about what you can do, and can I also say that you can try as hard as possible to help her, but she maybe oblivious to try and understand what is really going on, and will no doubt say that there is nothing wrong and that she will be OK, which means that she is in denial, and this is always possible.

What you can't really do is to question her too much, because this is what a depressed person hates, and generally they don't know the answers as they are just as confused as you.

There maybe issues with regard to working, school, uni and the fear about not being able to pay her rent etc, or if she is working what to tell her boss, but these points you can clear up for us, as it's difficult to suggest other options until we know.

It would be a good idea to make an appointment with her doctor who can then put her on a medicare plan which entitles her to 10 free visits to see a psych and I'm always in favour of seeing a psychologist, while others may say to see a psychiatrist.

She may or may not want you to stay with her, or perhaps at your place, but it's generally a good idea to try and convince or just do it, because part of her worries maybe that she feels as though it would be better if she was not around for good, I'm sorry but I have to mention this to you.

I'm running out of characters to type, so PLEASE reply to us, so that we know exactly which path to help you even more, but I do urge you to get the material from BB.

This is a very important post and we want to help you as much as we can. L Geoff. x

[tippy]

thank you all for your replies

I went around today to my daughter's house and she seemed fine althugh i knew she wasn't.  Her disconnection over the last few months has been general and I gently brought the issue up after talking to her partner earlier in the day.

She had a GP appointment this afternoon and has promised to request an assessment to be done which I'm really relieved about  She has always been the chirpy daughter, full of fun and adventure but over a short while I've seen her become disconnected, moody and less interested in life.  My heart aches for her.  I don't accuse or blame her as I know this is a disease and that the right meds and treatment will help. 

I must admit I was feeling really desperate and worried last night but now after taking some action and talking to her openly, blamelessly and supportively I feel that together we all can help her

thanks again for your support.  I shall pop in and let everyone know how things are progressing 🙂