Long time partner of Bipolar sufferer...

[Steve73]

Hi,

I’ve been married to my wife for 24 years. She was diagnosed with bipolar after 18yrs.

Since our honeymoon we have had a very, very difficult marriage and since we are both devout religious people we have insisted on staying together, though it’s getting harder and harder....

She refuses to be medicated since the meds upset other areas of her health. I have never insisted that she take meds but the bipolar is never ever mentioned as a possible influence on the marriage.

Being from an emotionally ‘expressive’ family & culture she raises her voice as soon as something is not done how she expects. I’ve likened her behaviour to emotional bullying. I just get worn down until I relent and she gets exactly what she wants, be it either her quitting her job, going to Europe 3 times without me or consultation, selling a house and moving interstate and now her moving to Qld because she hates Sydney (though I have a good job and she grew up in Sydney).

When I suggest we work on things or go to a marriage counselor all she does is highlight all of my faults without ever addressing her faults. When I want to discuss her communication methods and the impact on me she goes into 100% defence mode and ends up attacking me.

Don’t get me wrong, she has many great points but they are getting harder to focus on..

Before I throw the towel in or resign myself to being a zombie punching bag for the rest of my life I was wondering if anyone else has been a long time partner of a bipolar sufferer and what sort of behaviour they have had to live with..

regards S73

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I have bipolar2. Less extreme than bipolar 1 but in some ways just as challenging.

The extremes of our behavior are primarily lessened by medication. Without it and we then have those extremes. Therapy, home made remedies and any other methods in my opinion, dont have enough clout to reduce those extremes of mania, depression and impulsively.

I'mliving proof that perseverance with various medications pays off (12 tried in all before the right one found) and along with psych visits, good diet, 8 hours sleep and education...one can become much more stable.

I'm afraid the writing is on the wall if she continues to refuse medication. It isnt fair you have to endure the consequences. I can only suggest you introduce some personal protection boundaries for her and she accepts that counseling is mandatory to safeguard your future together.

As for verbal disputes here is a thread that addresses the best technique of resolving them.

Google Topic relationship strife , the peace pipe

If you both commit to that technique you will quell disputes.

TonyWK

[Steve73]

Hi Tony,

thanks for your reply. I’ll have a look at that.

regards S73