Dear Poppie98~
I feel for you , it is a horrible situation parents dread. Being on tenterhooks that your son might kill himself is part, plus of course the changes in mood. As a parent you would dearly love to be able to get your son into a better place.
Now forgive me if I bring up things you have already considered, I'm sure you have wracked your brains.
Firstly do you think there is any way you can let his psychologist or referring GP know they may not be getting the full picture? This is a difficult question I know, one does not want to erode confidence further.
With the hair would a short haircut like Bruce Willis help? More to the point with body image can he be persuaded to take part in any activity that builds confidence in his body's abilities, anything from karate to cycling?
A Safety Plan might help to set your mind a little more at rest, this is something if you can persuade him to be filled out in advance by the person concerned and a trusted somebody that knows him and his likes. There is a good free smartphone one here:
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning
It is easy to reach for when feeling overwhelmed and allows all sorts of things to be entered - not just what you might expect.
You talked about your stomach being in knots, which is not in the least surprising, you, and any other family, will be living under constant huge pressure. To be able to keep going is partly to live as healthy a lifestyle as you can, with exercise, balanced nutrition and the best sleep you can, but also to get whatever support you can. That means in part seeing your GP on your own behalf and saying how you are being affected. This not only allows your health the be monitored, but may in discussions bring up useful advice.
It also means leaning on others too, not trying to shoulder the whole burden if the are others -a partner, family or friend, who care and want to help.
Keeping a person alive is a team effort, not just a parent's. True the people around such as family play a part, but so too do the medical professionals, and the person themselves.
Have you tried to build his confidence by including him in as many decisions as possible and deferring to him if possible. Apart from that trying to be an equal companion, not an authority figure such as a mum, and maybe doing activities together you both might enjoy.
You love him, that is the single greatest boost he can have
Croix
