Living with a partner with PTSD

Lornz
Community Member
Please help! My de facto partner of almost 3 years suffers PTSD after 28 years in army, SF, CT duties, 11 deployments and it is a constant "tread on egg shells". He is medicated and sees psychiatrists and psychologists on a regular basis. He says he loves me but cannot give me emotional support when I need it. He sees problems in my life as insignificant, he says I don't support him, he won't talk about what he has experienced as he says I will throw it back at him, anything that happens out of what he feels should be happening is always my fault. I feel so lonely in this relationship. Everyone else in the world is dumb, stupid, ignorant, it's always someone else's fault, never his. What about me? There is very little/no support that I can find for partners living with loved ones with PTSD. I woke this morning to a man very different to yesterday - Today I can't seem to say the right thing, I seem to be looking at him the wrong way, when I question him to ask if anything is wrong, it's all my fault that he is like he is. I have had counselling myself to try and gain information and how best cope with this lonely, always to blame feeling, but each counsellor has told me I don't have a problem and it's him, so I give up attending and go back home to the constant lonely, on edge feeling trying to deal with it myself. This in turn is making me so depressed and anxious about our otherwise healthy relationship. I have tried reaching out to social media support groups but a lot of these is about women having a moan about their husbands - I don't want this, I love him to pieces, all I want is direction on best ways to deal with Living with a partner with PTSD. Military professionals seem to get the support they so honourably need, but where is the support mechanisms for us partners left to live with PTSD daily. Please, if anyone can guide me in any way or throw some light onto if his behaviour is normal PTSD behaviour and how best I deal with it, please let me know before I walk out on this man I love.
13 Replies 13

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear RKcare~

Welcome here to the forum. I see you have read this thread and it has struck a chord. Maybe you are in the same situation my wife was with me - not a place I'd wish on anyone.

As you can see from the date stamps in this thread it is a pretty old one and not often visited nowadays. I'd like yu to have the full benefit of this place and that means being somewhere people can see you easily.

Can I suggest you make your own thread? Simply go to the area you think best (perhaps PTSD ... , more likely Supporting Family and Friends ...) and hit the NEW THREAD button. Then set out your circumstances. I'm sure many will catch up with you there, I'll be one of them.

I'll talk with you again

Croix

RKcare
Community Member

Thankyou Croix

I Appreciate your feedback

Bethie
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi RK

I'm with you on this. As a partner dealing with something that nobody signs up for its hard. At times my son and I have had to call the ambulance to help my husband and the minute we mention PTSD they bring the police to help as well.

Im lucky. Our local police have either served or are trained to deal with PTSD.

My husband' doctor put him on anti anxiety medication/ ant depressant combination which helps alot after the last trip to the P.A. I've been medicated for years due to anxiety and depression and pretty much demand to know if my meds would help my husband. I was told yes they would so he's officially on them now.

He also takes mild natural medication like alot of guys who have and are currently serving.

It's not easy at all but I can say please don' give up. Best part is now he likes Byron Bay baked goods 😊. Please keep in touch.

Bethie

Guest_98459831
Community Member

Hi Lornz,

I am also living with a husband who sufferes from PTSD.  Just like you I have found there is little or no support for us dealing with this on a daily basis.  I have read a lot of information on how I can support him but nothing on helping me with how I cope with how this is making me feel.  I thought this was my lot in life until last week someone said to me "How are you coping?"  My reply was "What? Sorry no one ever askes me that they always ask how he is or how he is coping.  It then dawned on me that I mattered as well.  No there is not any real support for us.  Unless you have family and friends to talk to and lets be real unless you live it you don't really get it.  I think it might be time for someone to set up a support group for us.  Somewhere to go and vent to people who understand and can relate to what you are going through.  Don't get me wrong it is awful what they are going through and it is not their fault.  But we are the one's bearing the brunt of the emotional roller coaster day in and day out and to say it doesn't affect is is nonsense.  Of course it does.  Supporting someone with PTSD is like walking a tightrope daily.  You tend to bury how you feel because your whole life becomes about helping them.  Don't get me wrong. I love my partner and just want to help but there are days where I just want to walk away just for a little while and just be me.  Reach out if you need to talk.