Little sister suffering from Anxiety- affecting her eating & sleeping, emotional & physical wellbeing

[Boo1986]

Hi BB forum,

Thanks so much for all your help in the past. There is such a wealth of knowledge here I thought I'd ask for any advice or tips that may help.

My little sister is nearly 17 and currently weighs a little under 40kg. She is severely underweight for her height & age. She does try to eat as much as possible and does not intentionally vomit (although she does have a very sensitive stomach & some food allergies which can cause her to vomit unintentionally if she eats the wrong foods or eats too much).

We have spoken to Headspace and they have helped connect us with some services with hospital staff, dieticians & psychologists which is wonderful.

I'm just wondering if anyone has ideas on ways that I can help her personally. At the moment the biggest issue is that the more anxious she feels, the less she is able to eat. I know that when she stays at my house she is able to relax and eat well (I suffer from anxiety too so am able to understand her and not trigger her). She lives with my mother who recently sold her home to build a new one (downsizing as the family home was bigger than what they need with now just the two of them. When mum sold her home, she moved in with my grandmother temporarily while the new home is being built.

My grandmother is Italian and obsessed with food. She constantly pressures everyone to eat more... and my little sister cops it the most.

I wish that she could move in with me but my mum doesn't want to do that.

Any ideas on what else I can do to help her?

Much appreciated xo

[Just Sara]

Hi again Boo! Lovely to see your beautiful face gracing my screen;

The situation with your sister sounds disheartening to say the least. Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia (I'm not saying this is what she has) are the hard basket conditions to treat and support. They're complex, so I'm glad she has professionals helping her deal with things.

I would suggest as a sister, being there and listening is a perfect collaboration. We can pick up on the little things (or big things) while hearing about mundane or daily issues during conversations for instance.

You're a really perceptive and caring woman Boo; I know this from other threads you've visited sharing your wisdom and advice. But when it hits home, the mind gets caught up with emotions and fear for our loved one's.

You've mentioned (elsewhere) the effects family and religious environments have had on your siblings and you, so I'm not surprised your mum and gran are trying to keep your sister at home. Maternal grasps and patterns run deep as you know.

Please don't forget to take care of you first lovely ok? We've spoken before about putting the oxygen mask on ourselves before others. Just a reminder so you can be at your best as a supporter.

The links below may be of assistance, as well as calling a helpline that deals with this type of subject. I don't have one on hand, but it might be worthwhile seeking out.

I wish you my best Boo; I hope you get back to us soon and let us know how it's going.

Sara

[Boo1986]

Thanks so much Sara, I will keep in touch with her progress. I do feel that this will end well even if there are some tough times ahead. One of the most encouraging things we learnt from the hospital staff was that even when she is eating healthily, the weight may not appear to change for some time. The body will first allocate the nutrients and energy to her vital organs and repairing old damage before it starts creating fat reserves or new muscle. This was really positive to hear so she knows that while she has been trying so hard to gain weight and seen little results, all her efforts are not for nothing. I will continue to try to spend as much time with her as possible so that she is not left with poor influences and anxious situations 😃

[Just Sara]

This is really great to hear Boo;

I'm pleased things are moving productively for her and for you to see her psychological improvement. I appreciate this is difficult for you, so my support is here whenever you need it lovely.

Sara

[Dr_Kim]

Your sister is so lucky to have you. You sound like you are doing a great job in supporting her to understand and try and manage her anxiety and eating disorder.

You guys are on the right track having contacted Headspace and connecting with professionals in the field . It is definitely the right move as it is a stubborn and difficult illness to treat and needs a good team who have energy and expertise.

My best advise to to remember that (in extremely simplistic terms) your sister has two sides to her - her anxious / eating disordered side and her normal / healthy side. The two sides of her are in conflict. I suggest that you try to talk to the healthy side as much as you can . Find things that you can do together with that “healthy, happier” side of her . Even if it just going to a movie or sitting around at home watching TV. It reminds her that the anxious part of her is just a part and not all of her and that there is another happier side to her that can become dominant with work and time.

So basically what i am saying is, continue with what you are doing. Being an awesome big sister! Be interested in her, talk with her, have as many “good” times as you can, but don’t feel responsible for curing her. Leave that to the health care team. By all means, encourage her to work hard to find her best self and not be under the thumb of anxiety but just be along side her on her journey with out having to “do” too much more.

I hope that sounds like an ok strategy to you.

[Boo1986]

Thanks so much Dr Kim,

You are absolutely right! I feel much the same with my own depression and anxiety, I don't feel that I am depressed, I feel that I am a happy person suffering from depression. I know that she is not just a disorder, she is a complex person with many sides to her. She has so much potential and I look forward to a time when the anxiety etc. has less of a hold over her and I can see more of who she really is.

Last night I took her to see the fireworks at our council offices and tonight we are off to the movies. Even if it doesn't cure her, at least it gives her a break from all the stress. I'm going to keep being there for her for all of her life and hope I can continue to be a source of many happy memories and unconditional love for her.

She is very special, a very bright and intelligent girl full of curiosity and compassion. Once she overcomes this obstacle there is no limit to what she can achieve with her life. I really feel that with such great support from Headspace and the medical staff, we are all going to get through this.

😃