Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Supporting Husband and trying to stay sane

replies: 2

My husband decided to go off his medication cold turkey 2 weeks ago, and well it has been hell. He wanted to be off it. Terrible mood swings, irritable behavior, reckless behavior and drinking and not sleeping has been the result. He has had moments of good, but for the large part very anxious and snapping at everyone. He had been warned about going cold turkey and I begged him to taper off with medical help, but he wanted to do it his way. Anyway, I have managed to get him to agree to go to the GP and ask for a mental health care plan as I think he needs professional help. Most of the time I tell myself this is the nature of the disease, but its hard not to take it personally and our family is suffering. I am even seeing a therapist on my own to try and equip me with the skills to cope. Every day I tread on egg shells, not knowing what I will come home to or wake up to. I am glad that he is seeing the GP its a step in the right direction. All advice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend with pychosis is pushing me away

replies: 2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for only just over a year but it feels like it's been longer than that. When we first became friends he explained his psychosis to me and how he can have severe anger issues but I didn't seem too bad at first. For ... View more

my brother extremely aggressive

replies: 1

Hi group. Recently my younger brother has shown signs that hes having a breakdown or he is on ice. He has rang and threatened other family members.all women. I know he wont try it on me cause id have him locked up.he has been asociating with bikies.thats not good.he has a tiny daughter and wife who wants out of the marriage.i dont blame her because he has bashed women in the past. Anybody have any ideas how to recognise the difference between drug behaviour and a mental breakdown?? Wayne

Little sister suffering from Anxiety- affecting her eating & sleeping, emotional & physical wellbeing

replies: 5

Hi BB forum, Thanks so much for all your help in the past. There is such a wealth of knowledge here I thought I'd ask for any advice or tips that may help. My little sister is nearly 17 and currently weighs a little under 40kg. She is severely underweight for her height & age. She does try to eat as much as possible and does not intentionally vomit (although she does have a very sensitive stomach & some food allergies which can cause her to vomit unintentionally if she eats the wrong foods or eats too much). We have spoken to Headspace and they have helped connect us with some services with hospital staff, dieticians & psychologists which is wonderful. I'm just wondering if anyone has ideas on ways that I can help her personally. At the moment the biggest issue is that the more anxious she feels, the less she is able to eat. I know that when she stays at my house she is able to relax and eat well (I suffer from anxiety too so am able to understand her and not trigger her). She lives with my mother who recently sold her home to build a new one (downsizing as the family home was bigger than what they need with now just the two of them. When mum sold her home, she moved in with my grandmother temporarily while the new home is being built. My grandmother is Italian and obsessed with food. She constantly pressures everyone to eat more... and my little sister cops it the most. I wish that she could move in with me but my mum doesn't want to do that. Any ideas on what else I can do to help her? Much appreciated xo

Anhedonia

replies: 3

My husband and I have been separated for 10 months now, he left me just a few weeks before our first child was born. After months and months of trying to work things out with him I have just found out that he has been clinically depressed and has anhedonia. This makes so much sense to me now considering one minute we were together for 5 years, got married after 4 years and were happily (or so I thought) married for 6 months before we fell pregnant after trying to conceive and then all of a sudden he says he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think the marriage is going to work and when I asked him at the time of our separation why and where this came from considering our baby was almost due he said he couldn't give me an answer because he just felt nothing and felt dead inside and has no feelings for anything including me. Fast forward 10 months later, I have tried and tried to reconcile with my husband but I just get nowhere. I have made steps in moving on with my life with our child but I just feel like my husband is still in there somewhere and I don't want to move on without him because I know that despite him saying he has no feelings for me anymore I know he does because the person who he currently is isn't the type of person my husband is normally. We had a talk the other night about getting back together again and he says that he just isn't sure if it'll work because doesn't feel anything and he has no interest in me or even sex with me and he doesn't want to hurt me especially because he knows how much he has hurt me already by walking out on me. I asked if he finds me unattractive and he says that I am still beautiful in his eyes but he just doesn't want sex anymore. I told him sex isn't everything and that I am willing to try to rebuild that emotional connection with him again which is still there BUT I just don't know what I can do to do that with someone who is so closed off from their emotions and feelings. I just want some guidance as to what I can do to be there for my husband to show him I'm not giving up on him and the marriage or our little family. Has anyone been in my position before or currently in my position. Or know someone who has dealt with someone who suffers with anhedonia? I'm at my wits end. I feel so defeated that depression has stolen my husband and robbed him and I from having the family we both planned together :((((((( please help

Long distance relationship with a girl who has major depression, social anxiety and is still recovering from anxiety post hospital

replies: 6

Hey all, I've always been reluctant to reach out over the years having dealt with my own depressive times and difficulties, but my girlfriend who I've known for 3 years and as of the last 6/8 months has become a serious relationship things have gotten really stressful. She often has tried to push me away, make me feel like rubbish and because I try to always understand it just brings me down. I recently went over to see her (she lives in the UK and I live in Australia) I was there for 6 weeks, we had quite a few major things come up that we sorted and dealt with. But after leaving lots of other things came up, she told me she felt I didn't love her, I wasn't showing her enough attention for her to believe I like her or I didn't show her enough attention or compliment her or wasn't affectionate enough and it made her feel like I didn't like her or wasn't attracted to her physically. I always try and try to understand why she feels this way... but I need to know how I can support her better or understand how she feels or at least find ways to discuss with her how she feels so that we aren't or I'm not constantly feeling unhappy and like I'm not being a good man to her... I feel like maybe I'm starting to develop anxiety and depression myself at many times due to my thoughts and feelings... but that all aside i just really would love and appreciate any information or support on how I can understand depression/anxiety or anorexia and what others have experienced by being with a partner with any of these mental illnesses.. thankyou

New job

replies: 1

My niece has started a new job after a year of applying. It's a medical receptionist traineeeship. She lives with her grandparents and they need her to work. She tells me she doesn't want to be a receptionist but I try to explain it's not her forever job but she needs training and experience so this is a good job to have. Yesterday was her 4th shift and was her longest. It came about she was feeling sick and got upset when they asked her what was wrong. They ended up sending her in to see a doc who diagnosed her with anxiety and gave her a mental health plan, they also called in the psychologist. They discussed how she feels that when she talks people are judging her. her Nanna is furious that she has told her employer she has anxiety. She thinks my niece will lose her job and she is so negative about the whole thing. Has she done the wrong thing letting her employer know there is something wrong. Will she lose her job? They seem pretty good to me, they told her she was employed over 250 other people and lots were more confident and that she is not going anywhere. How can I convince my mum that everything will be ok and she won't lose her job. She is on 6 month probation. She doesn't have another shift until Monday and I can't help but worry what will happen.

Partner blaming me for him being miserable

replies: 3

So I've been dating this guy for 7 months now and we live together, just before Christmas he started distancing himself and telling me how miserable he was due to his depression and how I wasn't giving him enough space. I started to let him do his own thing and put it down to only just living together and getting used to being around each other all the time. It got better but just over a week ago he told me I was making him miserable and he didn't want to be with me anymore and I was smothering him and being too needy, he decided to go stay with his parents for the week and have a break from me, which was fine. On the weekend he decided he wanted to work on our relationship and made me apologise for being needy so I did just to keep the peace. Yesterday it was my day off work and I wanted to spend it with him and do something fun as I work most days, he was miserable all day and told me to leave him alone and said we don't get along, we don't have anything in common and I hate him? I asked where he got the fact that I hate him from and he said because I do and everybody hates him.' he's very unhealthy, he eats lollies and lollies all day, never drinks water and gets drunk most nights. I bought him an exercise bike for Christmas because he mentioned he wanted to exercise to make himself feel better, but of course he hasn't used it once. I told him he should see somebody and eat healthier and it might make him feel better, he responded with "you hate me, you think im fat, you eat unhealthy too" He keeps blaming me for everything and says its our relationship that makes him miserable but I know out relationship is normally great and I can't be any more of a better girlfriend... He is in a band and is on tour most of the year so he doesn't have a job when he is home., He sits inside and mopes all day or gets drunk. I don't want to end the relationship but he refuses to get help. When we first got together he said his last relationships ended because he was always grumpy, and the girls were needy and insecure... I feel like this is just the same and he's going to ruin another relationship because he refuses to get help. I'm at such a loss with what to do. I love him, but I can't deal with this much longer., I'm a very confident outgoing social person and have never had to witness any of this before. How do I try to get him help without him thinking its a personal attack on him????

Depressed partner needs validation of strangers

replies: 5

Hi My partner and i have been together for 5 years. I moved in about 2 years ago. Not long after I started getting suspicious of his behaviour with his phone. Mainly that it never left him. I decided to snoop and found that he had been messaging a woman through a game. He assured me it was harmless and wouldn't happen again. 2 years on it has. I confronted him and he uses his depression as the excuse. He needs validation that he is a nice person etc from strangers. He feels he doesn't get it from the real world. Except from me. I have told him he needs to get some counselling and he has agreed. I just don't know if i can trust him though. I suffer anxiety so maybe i am over thinking this?? Maybe not everyone thinks like me. But cheating is cheating in my book.

Challenges of Caring for bipolar partner

replies: 6

Hi, my first post on this site. I committed my partner last week to a mental health clinic after discovering that he was about to try and end his life for the second time in a year. We had both been working so hard to make things better, but over the last month I saw subtle changes which continued his downward dark spiral. I had been taking days off work to be with him which seemed to help. One morning as I was about to leave for work some instinct told me not to go. His activity had ceased and he was reduced to lying on the couch. I asked him if he felt sad for himself and he said only just for others close to him. I said shall I get help and he said there is nobody to help, is there. It was the 'is there?' that gave hope so I rang a crisis line. He spoke to them and revealed his plan to end his life that day. Within 2 hours he was in care and seems to be improving. The sliding doors scenario haunts me. Now he wants to come home as he feels fine. The roller coaster will continue. Thanks for listening.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 2

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting Husband and trying to stay sane replies: 2

My boyfriend with pychosis is pushing me away replies: 2

my brother extremely aggressive replies: 1

Little sister suffering from Anxiety- affecting her eating & sleeping, emotional & physical wellbeing replies: 5

Anhedonia replies: 3

Long distance relationship with a girl who has major depression, social anxiety and is still recovering from anxiety post hospital replies: 6

New job replies: 1

Partner blaming me for him being miserable replies: 3

Depressed partner needs validation of strangers replies: 5

Challenges of Caring for bipolar partner replies: 6