Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Giving it my all.....

replies: 3

Hi there, I wanted to get all your advise and thoughts to whoever is taking the time to read this... thank you. Me and my partner have been together 1 year. We have lived together almost that whole time. Firstly a little bit of the back story. I met him in Colombia (where he is from) and i stayed in south america with him for 6 months, we moved back to Aus together (he is on a student visa). He suffers from anxiety and depression. He seems to take a lot of his anger and frustration out on me. We are both stubborn but he tends to lean more to the angry, emotionally aggressive side or completely shuts me out and i tend to lean to the emotional and sad side. I usually am a confident person but i feel like my self esteem has lowered. He puts me down and makes me feel like i am not enough and that nothing i do is good enough and tells me he is unhappy. He speaks to me so rudely sometimes and then he says i need to be more understanding when he is in that head space. Whereas i think its getting to a point where it affects me so deeply and i react, then he reacts and we argue and it becomes a vicious cycle. He doesnt respect me and he has told me that before. In addition with him being a student, I provide him with a lot of emotional and financial support and i feel like i do alot for him which is why it hurts me even more. Like i am being taken for granted. Some of you may be reading this and thinking oh just leave him, but its not that simple. I love him. When he is in a good mood its great and we have fun and enjoy our life together but when he is down, i feel like i sink with him and i need more strategies to try and deal with it as much as i can, and how else i can support him. Ive seen a counceller, ive read books, online blogs etc etc. I want to say hand on heart i have done everything i could. Help me, please!

Isolated and Alone - Carer Support Needed!

replies: 1

Hi Im a mother of a special needs child. My dh has complex mental health conditions & has previously been in & out of hospital. We moved last year, far from home & Im yet to make any friends as Iv had my hands full. I know I need to get out. I developed anxiety & depression with the stress load of caring for my two cherished family members. It's hard alone & others looking from the outside don't seem to help as they dont understand/grasp the complexities. I love my dh dearly. Probably too much! However, since moving, my son lost alot of support and his new school didnt support him despite my many requests as they should be. My sons was bullied badly to the point he was physically hit & that was the day I didnt send him back! He is in a new school now & they are great however an older student ended up grooming my son to take part in a sexual assault. Prior to this I had many meetings with the school about the older child and requested they be separated. The level of red flags going up was concerning. Although I did not believe that a sexual assault would take place on another student. My son did not get involved but the older boy took advantage of him by getting him to 'look out'. My son did not understand what was going on. To say the least, they are separated now thank god. In the meantime i'v been flat chat supporting my son & my partner & getting NDIS approved & support services in place. I am run down. I am exhausted. I am tired. Although, because I do not go to work - according to my partner - he is sick of hearing that Im tired! I also study & volunteer at an animal shelter on a sunday for a few hours - again, that's "all' I do to my dh. Get over it attitude. My dh has shut down, become withdrawn & isnt interested in hearing about my day. Although I listen to him about his. I keep so much inside it hurts. My dh also has begun to say nasty things -I break down & cry & he says that im 'dramatic' & leaves me crying.He says I am too sensitive. I get upset - anxiety kicks in. I just want to feel like he cares. I need his support! Now I am being 'needy' to him. I am nurturer so I 'have' to help ppl. So I cant trust myself. Is he right or am I? Are we both right or wrong? We're now separated having a break. Im at home, isolated, overwhelmed & alone. He is not interested in hearing about how I feel. No phone calls no msg'ing. Now is when I needed my dh help more than ever before. I feel abandoned now that I need something. Thoughts? Thanku

Too Soft? Too Weak? Too much a rescuing mum .. Help i need to Stop

replies: 3

Im in dire straights..his life my life must change. my adult son has panic attacks that are so debilitating & i go to pieces & I'm aiding in his avoidance & feel horrible. How do i become strong when my own son is caving in front of me. He hasnt gone past our isolated town for months & he is to scared of his Panic..scared he will hurt himself or someone in a fight/flight reaction..OK that's his issue BUT I need to sort mine. I need to get courage & strength & despite his falling to bits that i cant leave him or that he cant go with me as he is too afraid I need to leave anyway i feel this is affecting us both & my old dad who can't understand it.. my son or I! I feel trapped! What can i do? how can i get strength to say NO im leaving? I so need your help i feel like a useless, unworthy mother & i know i'm keeping him in avoidance & me without a life. This is my issue my mountain & as a mother i'd like to hear from some mothers who might have been in my position & anyone else thank you I am desperate.

Here we are again..

replies: 6

Hi, so here we are again. My partner who has bipolar has left us once again. He isn't on medication at all , he stopped taking it ages ago.He said he feels fine( he's not).This would be the 3 time and I'm not sure if I have the energy to do it all over again. I have 2 children from a previous relationship but my now ex partner and I have 2 children togeher . A 4 year old daughter and a son who is 14 weeks old. My ex partner has wanted another baby since we had our daughter, but I was the one who wasn't so keen as he left us twice before. But, here we are again. He left us about 4 weeks ago. Everything has been pretty good before he left,we had friends over on a Friday night, then Saturday we went looking for a new car for me as we need a bigger car. He then ended up liking a car at the car yard and got both cars then on the Sunday night he just lost it, saying I wasn't happy with anything, he then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to hit me and that he is going to make my life hell. Now, my ex partner is usually pretty calm with us so his tone of voice definitely wasn't normal. The next day, he acts like nothing has happened, then he gets angry cause I'm the one that is then withdrawn. I ask him about the cars and did he hear back from the car yard. Yes he said, but we don't need to bother about getting the other car now ( the car for me /for our family). He then picked his new car up on that Friday. So he leaves.. I'm angry, hurt and probably more disappointed in myself for believing anything he says. I can't comprehend any of this and I actually feel like I hate him. I'm now left to look after 2 kids that he so wished for, yet he can't be here for them. I feel like I can't do this again. I feel done. I can't trust him at all, he has no respect for our family or I . I'm exhausted from having to think about his needs all the time and be the bigger person. I'm sick of wondering is this another episode or a personal attack at me.He seems to resent me for something and I'm not sure what it is. And I'm not even sure I care anymore. I just don't think I have anymore to give. I'm tired of living like this . Now,I don't feel comforable with him having the children unsupervised.I've expressed my concerns with him about this and his response is I'm sorry you feel that way. I just can't believe I've let this happen again. I'm so angry at myself . Thanks for listening .

borderline 16

replies: 6

Hi everyone My daughter is 39, the mother of a high school boy, and has a psychologist helping her with family problems. Maybe she's heading towards psychiatry and obviously our pathway is to love her and receive her feelings. But... Her big issue which she circulates to all our relatives is our ignorance of parenting skills . She refers us to magazines about the topic which explain how to draw out childrens' feelings and give consistent guidance . As a 16 year old teenager she spent hours with her Mum on her bed heaving sighs and agonising about her feelings and uncertainties . Now it's 23 years on and she's intensifying the agony and urging us to improve our parenting of her . She calls her Mum a hypocrite for failing to do this and being unwilling to learn. I get worse names and descriptions. Is there a term for this behaviour ? "Brat " is probably not the medical term and she is 39 nearly menopause. Is this just selfishness or is there something we need to get psychiatric diagnosis for?

I don't know what to do anymore

replies: 9

Hi all I have posted before but in a nutshell here is my story. I have been with my husband for over ten years and in the last 3-4 years (maybe longer) depression has affected him. In the last two years he has been medicated and also changed medication but in the meantime he has also self medicated, been very aggressive and the dips have been very hard... for both of us. Needless to say, sex has been non existent during this entire time. I feel that I have truly done a great deal to support and help him in all the ways I can. In addition to loving support, I arranged a new doctor, psych appointments, dealt with his work (he has taken an extended period off work at the moment), his outstanding bills and generally been both his support network but also it seems his punching bag (not physically). I want more. Maybe I am enabling him? The other day was (I think) a final straw for me as I found a pipe and a bag with the tiniest bits of powder and he denies taking it or ever taking it but was tempted to feel normal or have some kind of sexual interest...I don't know if I believe that he hasn't been 'using'. He said that tiny amount was given by a friend to try. It is so difficult to trust him and he has always known my stance on drugs. It has never wavered. The meds were apparently working so I don't know why he thought this was a smart option. Apparently out of desperation. There were tears from both of us and then I just had to walk away. I hate this gut wrenching feeling constantly when I think we are moving forward for a few days and then I found out a 'new truth' about something. He says he just doesn't think and he hates that he is constantly hurting me...he was quite hysterical. Surely it doesn't take a genius to see the connection between lying and hurting someone? This has left me heartbroken as it is not the first time he has lied in the last few years. I am worried about him and I don't know whether to leave and save my own sanity or tell one of his parents the story in case he does start/or has been taking drugs and spirals. He said he doesn't want me to (obviously) but I can't do this on my own anymore. I love him so much but I don't like the way he is disrespecting me....I just know that I don't know what to do anymore.... This is consuming me and I don't think I will ever get my husband back or I don't know if I can ever trust again. If anyone can provide any insight into his process or some advice I would really appreciate it. xx

How to handle my 15 year old daughter with anxiety and depression

replies: 3

My 15 year old has had constant stomach pain for the last year We are currently still undergoing investigations to determine what is causing the problem - there are some indicating factors that she may have an inflammatory bowel disease and she needs further investigations to determine exactly what the cause is She has not been at school for the past year (I have had to home school) - and we were hoping to transition back to mainstream school this year She now has told me that she doesn't want to go to school anymore and does not want to do any more investigations as she is sick of the bad news everytime the doctors tell her they have not found anything She was seeing a psychologist last year for about 2 months who diagnosed her with anxiety and depression She will not take any medication, and will also not allow the doctors to perform any more investigations (MRI etc) so we can obtain a diagnosis for her. She will also not go to see any mental health professional as she feels talking to someone is a waste of time She has withdrawn from all friends, does not go out anywhere, and barely leaves her room. She has even stopped coming to family functions - so beyond her immediate family (me, dad & brother) she has no contact with anyone. I have tried to be supportive and understanding but don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I ask her to do something (like go for a walk) she resents me and we end up arguing. She tells me that just getting up in the morning is an effort and I should be happy that she has achieved that. I am really scared for her and would appreciate any help and direction in what to do next She deserves so much better and it is breaking my heart to watch her in her current state Thankyou

Trying to understand and comprehend

replies: 9

Hi Guys, I will TRY to keep this short but we will see how we go. My name is Maddi and I am 23 years of age. In August 2015 I met my current partner Michael 45, we both bonded over the fact that were were freshly out of serious relationships. I left my fiance whom which I had a house with and Michael was going through his seperation/divorce with his now ex wife of 10 years. At the time we met we both lived in separate states and would catch up ever 4-6 weeks, we both help each other through a very tough period in our lives. After a year of long distance we both decided I would move to Darwin to give our relationship a chance. I moved in with Michael and his twin girls who he would have every 2nd weekend. Once I moved in with Michael I noticed moods and behaviors that I didn't notice or see when our relationship was long distance. I then found out Michael is suffering from depression and PTSD. He is currently going through a horrible separation where he was kicked out of his home and his kids taken away from him by the ex not allowing them to visit him. He was left with nothing and under great financial stress and having to start a whole new life again. This whole situation has been hard on us both. I need advise on how I can help and support Michael through his depression and PTSD. I feel like he is always pushing me away and putting walls up. We don't really have an intimate relationship at all now, and when I try to address it he tells me its the depression and that I don't understand. So here I am now trying. The lack of intimacy in our relationship really affect me as its an important thing to me. He is currently on medication and I have read that this does kill your libido. But that aside I just want to see him happy and overcome this horrible disease, it just feels impossible when I feel like he doesn't want me around or want to be with me. The only time I seem to see him truly happy is when his kids are over visiting, and that makes me feel even worse about myself and our relationship. I am not a parent myself so I don't completely understand his situation. PLEASE HELP! I cant be the only person that has/is going through a similar situation.

Trying to support my husband...

replies: 5

Hi, My hubby has had depression and anxiety for quite sometime now and has recently been diagnosed with OCD aswel. He has been off work since december and is therfore not being paid.. i am currently 8 months pregnant and have just started my maternity leave, im no longer going to be paid either until the baby is born and even then its the bare minimum.. no way near enough for all the bills. Hubby was due to return to work next week but today has said he cant do it.. th pressure of becoming a dad and also working fulltime to provide for us is too much for him.. i havnt been pushing him to return to work because i know how anxious it makes him but i dont know where our money is going to come from which stresses me out.. and also stresses him out. Since hes been off work his motivation for anything has just disappeared.. he admits to having no motivation and no will to live anymore.. hes told me the only reason hes still alive is the baby, im hoping when the baby comes he may find his motivation again but im not holding my breath.. i dont really know what to do anymore.. His family arnt very helpful, they just whinge to him about getting back to work to make some money. I need advice or help or just someone to tell me that were gonna get through this.

Don't know what to do .

replies: 2

I am in a hard spot at the moment and I really don't know what I should do or how I should go about it. My partner was recently in a clinic for a couple of weeks to get help with depression and anxiety. While he was in there his condition worsened to the point of suicidel. He checked him self out twice, the second time coming home then leave the next day for a few weeks break. what I didn't know that while he was in the clinic he made some friends which I encourage him generally to make friends and talk about his health. But the ones he has made in there have encouraged reckless behaviour, like checking himself out early and other drastic things. While they were all in there the conspired against the staff via texting/IM . The problem I have now is the people who he met are still pushing him to do things (quite his job, leave his family drink while on medication and other things )that he doesn't think are bad or irrational. It is also going the other way with him trying to counsel them and pushing them to make complaints towards the hospital and leave. The clinic allows use of phones and such for patients but the situation that is happening is not safe for either my partner or the others involved. I have no idea really what to do or how to approach this situation

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Giving it my all..... replies: 3

Isolated and Alone - Carer Support Needed! replies: 1

Too Soft? Too Weak? Too much a rescuing mum .. Help i need to Stop replies: 3

Here we are again.. replies: 6

borderline 16 replies: 6

I don't know what to do anymore replies: 9

How to handle my 15 year old daughter with anxiety and depression replies: 3

Trying to understand and comprehend replies: 9

Trying to support my husband... replies: 5

Don't know what to do . replies: 2