just looking for answers and advice

[Downlow]

Hey guys, forgive me if you've answer this question a million times. Why do people with depression leave the people they know care about them the most? My now ex girlfriend has done this to me a few times telling me that's she's this and she's that, I've tried to be supportive and patient but she tells me to move on and ignores my every attempt at contact, is this a normal thing? Do I wait until she returns to herself? It has happened a couple of times and until this time I didn't have much if any knowledge of depression and when she comes back she's always sorry for what has happened, any advice would be really appreciated.

[Kazzl]

Hi Downlow, welcome to the forum. Well done for seeking some advice here mate, you obviously really care about your ex girlfriend. To be honest, there are probably as many answers to your question as there are people with depression - we are all very different.

But there are some common things we go through that might help you to know. When we're depressed, we often hate ourselves. We can feel like we're not worthy of anyone else's love or time. Yet we still love others, and this can become a twisted thing in our thinking and feelings such that we push the ones we love away so we don't hurt them. Because we're convinced that we are hurting them by staying with them - we must be a burden to them, we doubt their real feelings for us because we hate ourselves so much we stop believing anyone could love us. Does that make sense?

Often too we don't understand what's going on ourselves. It takes time to accept that we're unwell and to understand it and to know how to function with other people.

By learning about depression and trying to understand it from your ex's situation (rather than just the impact it has on you) you are doing the very best thing you can for her. My advice is let her know you're still there, let her know you want to understand and help her understand. Let her know you accept and love her as she is, troubles and all. Then wait mate. Let her come to you. If the relationship is meant to be, she'll come back.

I am sure others here will have other advice for you.

Thank you for trying to understand us and this illness Downlow. That means so much.

Kaz

[Carmela]

Hi Downlow, Kaz has provided some wonderful advice and l would like to second her that knowledge is important in trying to understand depression. When she is well, ask her about it in a gentle way, so you can arm yourself with more information to support those times when she does push you away.

It is a delicate balance supporting someone with depression and giving them the space they need. It's also important to remind her that you love and will support her, if and when she is ready. It's baby steps towards recovery and don't take it personally, even though it can be tough.

Carmela