Increasing anxiety from the prospect of going to jail

[Angelblaiz]

My partner is facing the prospect of going to jail. The process is taking a very long time, and he is not handling it well (I don't know if you can handle something like this well). His symptoms are most obvious at night. I first noticed he'd get sweaty and scratch during the night. Lately, he has been shaking violently (like he's naked in the snow), but in bed we're very warm. I'm very concerned for him with these escalating symptoms, especially since an outcome is still months off. Is there anything I can do to help him through this process and to ease his anxiety?

[Croix]

Dear Angelblaiz~

Welcome here to the Forum, and thank you for telling us about this problem, which is a much commoner one than many realize. The way the court system works there are most often long delays with people being caught in limbo and dreading what is going to happen. This not only can result in anxiety attacks but also attempts to drown out the problem with drugs and alcohol as well as destructive behavior.

I'd guess the first thing to do is for your partner to seek medical help. Setting out the problem in a long consultation and saying how it is affecting him is a good way to start. You may be able to help there by accompanying him for an appointment.

Leaving that to one side dealing with intense anxiety is not easy, though there is a lot one can do. This generally falls under two headings. The first is to lead as healthy lifestyle as possible meaning occupation, exercise, nutritious diet and good sleep. Now I realize his is not easy, particularity the sleep, but is something to aim for. There is more information on sleep hygiene and the rest in The Facts menu above.

The other area is in reducing overall stress and anxiety attacks. Trying to have a lifestyle that has regular distraction is a very good approach, dosn't matter what it is, just that it is something that can be looked forward to and takes the mind away from the present. I use books, movies and going for a walk. If an attack of anxiety is too great to deal with this way I use a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind to take my thoughts away from the worry. It does take practice but does work well.

In all this it is easy to concentrate on supporting someone else and forget that you too have needs and vulnerabilities. I guess the same advice on lifestyle and distraction applies equally to you too. Perhaps engaging in some things together (such as exercise) will help you both.

I do hope you come back and continue talking about this

Croix

[Guest_128]

Hello Angel,

I am just want to welcome you here, Croix has given you great advice, and yes I am also worried about your health.

would like to hear how you are traveling with this struggle in your life?

Dory

[geoff]

hello Angelblaiz, I'm sure facing the possibility of going to jail would certainly be frightening and remember you would also be suffering from all of this as well, which is also concerning.
With going to jail it would have to go through court, and there is the likely hood that it maybe deferred, and this may happen several times, depending on how good his lawyer is, and it seems as though the decision is still open, so a determination hasn't been made which way it will go, so give him reassurance that his case is still open, that's better than knowing he will be found guilty, so it's uncertain of the outcome.
I realise it would be a worry so what you need to do is consult with your doctor, you don't have to be totally honest with them just indicate the circumstances, because you are suffering quietly in the background and trying to hide your feelings, that's not good for you or for your partner.
You need to be strong here but you may not have the strength at the moment and when this happens then you may not be able to help him, so please book a visit. Geoff.

[Angelblaiz]

Thanks for the information Croix. The incident that caused him to be in court is alcohol related, and after it happened he stopped drinking for a long time, but he has started again and I do believe he is trying to drown his feelings. Our close friend sees a psychiatrist for his own issues, and is helping my partner as best he can as well. I may discuss with our friend if we can somehow coax my partner into seeing someone too, maybe even the same psychiatrist.

[Angelblaiz]

Thanks Dory. I have my own health issues (chronic fatigue) that I'm dealing with at the same time, so I am keeping a close eye on myself and putting my needs first where necessary. I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks, and going part time to give myself some space. My sister is a good sounding board for me too. I think I'm doing ok considering, and I am well aware that I can't help him through this unless I look after myself.

[Angelblaiz]

Thanks Geoff. The incident happened in February and it keeps getting adjourned. I expect the trial (if it goes that far) won't happen until next February. He does have an excellent lawyer, but I'm just not sure in myself that that's going to be enough. It really could go either way.