I think my sister is depressed

[cobie_D]

Over the past few weeks I have been noticing that my sister is becoming isolated from my family. She is 16. I was worried about her and so decided to read her journal. I know this is wrong, but I needed to know if she was ok and she isn't really open to talking to me. I read that she hates what she looks like and that she has been feeling really sad and down. She has been sleeping in until 11:00 every day to avoid having to eat breakfast. And she is only eating small portions of food for lunch and dinner. She is also doing vigorous exercise every day to try and loose weight. She is already really skinny and i think if she keeps this up she will be really hurting her body. She talked about trying of make herself sick, except she is worried that if she does myself or my parents will hear her so she doesn't. Recently she has been really stressed about school and she didn't get a prefect position for year 12 next year, which I think has made her sad. My dad is also very overbearing. He has a tendency to fat shame and is always saying that we need to exercise more and stop eating unhealthy food, and then shames us if we do. I think my dad also has a problem with the LGBTQ+ community, although he will never admit it, but every time we talk about it my sister always gets upset. So I think she may be struggling with her sexuality as well. I'm 18 myself and I don't know what to do or who to talk to about this?

[Sophie_M]

Hi cobie_D,

Welcome to our forums and thanks for reaching out; it's great that your sister has a sibling that cares about her so much and wants to support her, and what you have found out and observed about your sister's mood does sound worrying.

I know that it must be hard because you stated that your sister is not open to talking with you, but I think it's important for us to acknowledge that you can only do your best to try and be there for your sister, and let her know that you are here to talk or give support in whatever way she needs. Only you can decide what is right for the situation or not, but sometimes it does take being the first one to open up a difficult conversation (e.g. I've noticed you haven't been doing well lately and I'm worried, what's been going on?), or to just leave yourself open and let your sister know that you care and want to help so she knows she has that option.

You mentioned that your dad isn't very supportive; it might also be helpful to consider if there any other adults in you or your sister's life that you feel like you can talk to about this, because this is a lot of burden for you to cope with by yourself, as well. 

Please know that our forums are here to support you in whatever way we can, cobie_D. In the meantime you might also find it helpful to chat with these other services as well, or to pass these on to your sister:

The Butterfly Foundation has a helpline for people worried about eating disorders at 1800 33 4673. Kids Helpline is 24/7 counselling helpline for people under 25, which you can call at 1800 55 1800, and the ReachOut forums can also be a good space to post in, as well (they are a forum website specialising in mental health for young people).

[Croix]

Dear cobie_D~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here.

I think you have picked up something extremely important about your sister and are doing the right thing in seeing what can be done. I do not think it was a betrayal to read her journal as it was done out of love and concern (mind you she may not see it that way).

What you have done is expose a most dangerous condition. It does not matter if you call it depression or anything else, it is an eating disorder, and these can damage a person permanently if let go too far.

If you want to know more read about it in the Butterfly Organization that Sophie links to.

The problem is what to do, and something does need to be done quickly. It sounds as if your father is at least part of the problem with unkind and bigoted ways, and I'm wondering who you can talk with (and get the support you need for yourself).

Is you mum understanding, or is there anyone else in the family who is?

Let's leave sexual identity to talk about for another time, even thought it is a serious subject, and people need to be able to be who they are. Eating disorders are urgent.

So what do you think should be the next step, raise it with family, Kids Help Line or whoever you may think is best?

Remember this is putting you under a great worrying strain, and support for you -like Kids Help Line, would be a good idea just for you.

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Cobie_D, for you to post this thread/comment is because you love and definitely care about what's happening to your sister.

It's difficult to know where to begin, as your dad is also very overbearing, she's been sleeping in and worried about her schooling as well as her weight'.

Actually all of these can be combined with one starting one another, and I'm not a doctor, but perhaps she sleeps in, not because she's depressed, but to avoid her father so it's affecting her schooling.

Do you have any plans to move out, then she could move in with you, I only say this because the atmosphere could be too tense and not let her express her feelings without being criticised.

Take care.

Geoff.