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Supporting family and friends

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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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greenshape Hello, introduction of a concerned partner looking to learn
  • replies: 3

Hello My partner suffers from depression and mental illness. She is going to therapy and is on medication with varying results. It seems to be an ever-changing challenge. Myself and family members often suggest to her about joining a mental health fo... View more

Hello My partner suffers from depression and mental illness. She is going to therapy and is on medication with varying results. It seems to be an ever-changing challenge. Myself and family members often suggest to her about joining a mental health forum to communicate her problems and hopefully get feedback from others. I thought to myself that this is something I can do too, hopefully setting an example to her and also finding out some information from people such as partners and family members of people with mental illness. Apologies for the rambling but It has been a while since I've joined a forum. I hope to find out some information to help her and also to help me help her. I will be investigating further but if anyone could link some info in regards to coping strategies for partners and loved ones it would be much appreciated. Nice to meet you all! - gs

Jakess13 Chronic Daily Pain/Head Pressure & Headaches
  • replies: 1

I am having chronic daily head pressure and temple pain headaches also suffering from saw ears been going on for 11 months seen many neurologist,chiropractor,physiotherapist,TMJ jaw specialist and pain clinics but still haven’t found an answer?

I am having chronic daily head pressure and temple pain headaches also suffering from saw ears been going on for 11 months seen many neurologist,chiropractor,physiotherapist,TMJ jaw specialist and pain clinics but still haven’t found an answer?

Lovecare Partner needs help
  • replies: 2

Hello, My partner are have anger problems, but I think it's not the main problem. He have times are he saying how he is unhappy, want to be alone, not to do anything. In the last two weeks he said in the beginning about he don't want to talk with his... View more

Hello, My partner are have anger problems, but I think it's not the main problem. He have times are he saying how he is unhappy, want to be alone, not to do anything. In the last two weeks he said in the beginning about he don't want to talk with his friends few days after days we had figth and after that he come and said he don't want nto be with me if he like that, one day after his mum told him she coming because she worried about him and he said ok but in the day she comes he said I don't want to see you and gone to sleep in hotel. In the last few months he get a lot of bad/sad news are make him after of them angery. I don't know what to do, He think the only problem he have is the anger poeblem (mentally abuse to me he said), And that why he does not believe he have any depression( we gone to couple treapy and the person asked him few questions and said to him I want you will go to get medical advice about your depression from that day my partner was not agreed to go back to that guy). But when he Don't have the dark spots he can have short and not hard figh.

Elle_T I'm stuck and there's no escape
  • replies: 5

I started writing this post about what's happening and before I knew it it was really long. Reaaallyy long. I dont know where to start. My husband suffers from lifelong depression but he is getting worse and worse despite seeking help from his GP, ps... View more

I started writing this post about what's happening and before I knew it it was really long. Reaaallyy long. I dont know where to start. My husband suffers from lifelong depression but he is getting worse and worse despite seeking help from his GP, psychologist, friends and family. He will be seeing a psychiatrist next month but I need to get out of this relationship because its destroying me. We have a 7 month old baby as well and I need to be the best I can be for the baby's sake. My husband has completely shut down. He sleeps about 15-16 hours a day. I do 100% of the housework and 90% of the parenting. This decline started a few months ago when I went to the doctors who told me I am suffering from exhaustion and need to rest. When I told my husband about this, he completely stopped everything and just shutdown. Now my workload has increased and I find myself driving to his parents house to look after the baby while I rest. He is sleeping at home when I do this. Everything I do or say 'triggers' him. He blames me for his depression and for triggering him. If I tell him I need help, he tells me to stop drilling him and he doesnt want to hear it. I have to clarify that I am EXTREMELY mindful of the way I speak to him. I am very delicate and considerate. He knows he is being unreasonable but he cannot control it. I asked for separation and he stayed with his parents for a few weeks. Unfortunately this resulted in a worrying text message from him which made me feel like at the time he was a suicide risk. He is now living back at home and I told him I will do whatever I can for him to get the help he needs. At the same time, I cannot be with him because its toxic and I dont think I can ever forgive him for some of the things he's done while he has been in an 'epidose'. One example being he kicked me out of the house when I was pregnant. I guess my problem is that no amount of counseling or CBT or psychologist sessions will get me to be able to live with him. But if I leave him, I'm worried he will be suicide risk. I have his family's full support as they're aware of what's happening, but I just want him to get the help he needs. His GP and psychologist have really let him down. I'm so stuck and helpless. I dont know what I expect with posting this but I just needed to let it out. I'm desperate for him. I desperate for him to receive the right treatment and I'm desperate to get away. It's a lonely situation. Thank you for reading.

bogo66 Girlfriend has anxiety about seeing me, but I want to see her all the time
  • replies: 1

TLDR; my girlfriend gets anxious about seeing me and it’s frustrating because I want to see her all the time, like people do in relationships normally. I (19) recently got a girlfriend (18). We've been dating 2.5 months & started dating just as the c... View more

TLDR; my girlfriend gets anxious about seeing me and it’s frustrating because I want to see her all the time, like people do in relationships normally. I (19) recently got a girlfriend (18). We've been dating 2.5 months & started dating just as the coronavirus restrictions came into place, so saw each other in person for a few dates and then quarantine started. We video call every night for hours and in the morning before our day starts and text throughout the day. This was perfect for quarantine because we couldn’t see each other easily, maybe every 2 weeks, so I was happy to see her infrequently but talk to her heaps online. She’s super extroverted and confident, but has quite bad anxiety and gets anxious about actually seeing me in person. Now that quarantine is over we're allowed to see each other freely, & say I haven’t seen her in a week & I ask to come over to her house, she won’t explicitly say no & it’s more like ‘yeah … I guess you can come over’, & she is rarely super enthusiastic & very indecisive when organising dates & stuff. It’s not that she doesn’t want to see me, she really does, but her anxiety gets the better of her & it can be sort of awkward because she doesn’t really want me to come over but can’t communicate her feelings to say no. She says she knows she should see her girlfriend & really wants to see me, but her anxiety doesn’t allow for that & says I shouldn’t have to deal with this sort of stuff & that she’s a bad girlfriend for not wanting to see me. On one hand I agree with her about this, but all relationships have their struggles & maybe for us this is ours. All I want to do is be with her all the time, but I'm conflicted because I don’t want to hurt her & make her anxiety worse by seeing her in person. I care about her so much & the last thing I want to do is hurt her, I know how hard it is to deal with anxiety. What should I do? She refuses to get help from a professional about managing her anxiety, I’ve suggested it & she says she’s always dealt with it herself. Should I talk to her about how hard this is on me? I know I’m coming across as selfish & pissed off, which honestly a part of me is, because I just want to love her & cuddle her & just be there in person with her, is that too much to ask of a relationship? I’m just wondering if this is worth sticking out, maybe it’ll get easier for her over time but there’s also a chance that it won’t. I’m trying my best and I’m super supportive of her but it’s still so hard.

Virgo6 Exhausted
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure if it’s the right place but I just need some space to vent. I live with my best friend who has bipolar disorder. She’s recently some big life stressors, mainly relating to relationship issues.... View more

Hi everyone, I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure if it’s the right place but I just need some space to vent. I live with my best friend who has bipolar disorder. She’s recently some big life stressors, mainly relating to relationship issues. I’ve been trying very hard to support her and be there for her, but I’m starting to feel a bit exhausted because I too have my own mental health issues (depression & anxiety). With all the stuff going on in her life I feel my struggles are very insignificant and I feel as though I need to keep any depressive/anxious thoughts on the inside. Her bipolar disorder also causes her to lack of empathy and she tends to just block other people’s emotions out, which I understand is a protective mechanism. I also live 5 hours away from my parents, siblings and nephews, and recently I’ve been finding myself to be missing a lot which is normal, but not to the extent it is lately. I think the house atm is just filled with depressing vibes, and I miss the hustle and bustle and loving feeling of my house back home and being with family. I guess I just want to know that I’m not crazy and wondering if anyone could give me any advice. Thank you!!

Flamps8 Supporting my partner who is transitioning off anti-depression medication
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, just wanted to talk about some struggles I am going through at the moment supporting my partner of 3 years as she comes off her anti-depression and anxiety medication. She has been on the medication for close to 5 years, and now, with he... View more

Hi everyone, just wanted to talk about some struggles I am going through at the moment supporting my partner of 3 years as she comes off her anti-depression and anxiety medication. She has been on the medication for close to 5 years, and now, with her doctor and psychologist's support, she is transitioning off her medication. Over the period of a few months, she lowered her dosages and spacing of taking medication. The doctor said that there will be side effects to this, including symptoms of anxiety/depression, and there has been over the past few weeks. Some days she does really well and all seems normal, some days she says she's not feeling right and that she's having 'brain zaps'. The there are some really bad days, where seemingly out of nowhere she will become incredibly emotional and irrational and be in depressive states. For example, the other night she became upset when I left one of the doors in the house open that she wanted left shut. She became so upset that she walked out of the house without alerting me, so when i went to look for her later i couldnt find her and panicked. I tried to call and she declined it, just texted back that she was out. I found her walking in the streets, seemingly not even conciously 'all there'. Turns out she was so upset and emotional about the door being left open that she 'couldnt handle it' and had to leave. Minor things like this causing major end-of-the-world reactions are happening a few times a week now. There are 2 things coming out of this; number 1 being that I'm worried that these side effects of depressive behaivour are maybe worse than expected, and Im not sure if it is a side effect of coming off the meds or potentially a relapse. I just want to be sure that im not watching her relapse, but when shes in her normal state she doesnt think its worth checking with the medical professionals. Send second thing is that i am now struggling with going through this, exaggerated by quarantine and not being able to interact with others. I'm finding it hard to be supportive 100% of the time, and there are moments where it frustrates me so much that I argue back in the moment and forget this isnt really her. This just makes things worse. Any tips living through this would be much appreciated!

Nic_B Husband depressed, blames me and the kids for his unhappiness
  • replies: 2

My husband refuses to get help, I don’t know what to do for him. He has decided that me and the kids are the reason we are unhappy (quoted a bunch of contradictory reasons). He won’t be happy until he gets away from us. He said he has been googling h... View more

My husband refuses to get help, I don’t know what to do for him. He has decided that me and the kids are the reason we are unhappy (quoted a bunch of contradictory reasons). He won’t be happy until he gets away from us. He said he has been googling how to kill himself so it’s either one or the other. He acknowledges he is depressed but refuses to seek help of any kind. He has ‘no intention of talking about it to anyone and ‘no intention if going on any drugs so what’s the point of seeing the doctor.’ I love my husband and have been blindsided by this because I had thought we had been doing much better lately. I was feeling happier and I thought he was too. Please someone, if you have been through this and come out the other side, what did you do? How can I help him?

Moonta Daughter with anxiety
  • replies: 3

My 22 year old daughter has anxiety & minor depression. This all started 2 months ago when she went on a camping trip with her boyfriend of 2 years & had a huge panic attack. Since then it has brought on anxiety & depression. She is on medication & s... View more

My 22 year old daughter has anxiety & minor depression. This all started 2 months ago when she went on a camping trip with her boyfriend of 2 years & had a huge panic attack. Since then it has brought on anxiety & depression. She is on medication & seems a lot better with day to day tasks but is anxious when she has to spend time alone with her boyfriend. He is a lovey guy & is very caring & supportive but she is pushing him away. Any feedback/helpful suggestions to help her overcome this would be great

aquilegia Introduction
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone. I am a new member to this forum. I joined because my partner has a mental illness

Hello everyone. I am a new member to this forum. I joined because my partner has a mental illness