Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Can’t get past what he did [trigger warning]

replies: 13

Hello, am new here. Tuesday morning I woke up to find my husband of 44 years had walked out after I had gone to sleep. He just walked out with no ID, phone or anything. Left a note which was not very nice for me to read. He had walked for some 6 hours to reach where he was working part time to leave an apology note. He then continued walking into the city where he was found 14 hours after leaving home. Yes I am grateful he didn’t do what he intended but I just can’t get past what he did. I was beyond myself with worry but he can’t understand why I am so stressed out about it all. Anyone else gone through a similar thing?

Husband smokes marijuana and is an undiagnosed bipolar

replies: 7

Hi there, I'm a new member and needed a safe space to vent and get advise. I've been with my partner for 4 years and married since early this year. He has always smoked marijuana since I met him and in the beginning, I tried very hard to stop him from smoking but nothing ever worked. He finally did sometime end of last year on his own but the withdrawals were HORRIBLE . He absolutely despised me and said the worst of the worst things and used my weakness against me. I had to be the strong one and still am. About a month or so after he stopped, he was amazing and a completely changed man. However, after we got married, he started marijuana again sneakily and now is full blown back into it. I have accepted it and don't fight him about it anymore instead I trust that he will stop when he is good and ready. Lately though he has been very ANGRY ALL THE TIME. And his anger is always directed towards me, I am always the one in the wrong, I am the devil, he wants me dead, he hates me and it goes on and on and on. He will send me 50++ messages throughout the day which I just end up deleting and not reading because they are just abusive. After a couple of days, he calms down, appologises and sometimes doesn't recall the things he says and if he does remember he is very remorseful. I am 99% sure he is bipolar(it's in his family) but hasn't been diagnosed. The way he reacts to minuscule things and the way he thinks is not normal. I feel helpless, I feel scared to go home, I get knots in my stomach everytime he messages or calls me. When he is getting angry, I end up leaving the house and staying out for hours and hours until he has calmed. I hate feeling this way and don't know what else to do. Most of the time he only gets angry if he hasn't smoked marijuana so a part of me is glad when he does. But at the same time I know it's only doing more damage than harm. I wish I could forcefully put him in rehab. I'm exhausted all the time and have to put a fake front for my family, friends and colleagues. I hate my life.

Decision Making - Social/Community Events

replies: 2

Hello, my husband suffers depression and anxiety, has done for a number of years, we have only recently begun medication and sought counselling, we haven't discussed this with our young children yet (primary school age). I'm wondering if anyone has any advice around supporting him with decision making when it comes to attending social and community events when he is not feeling up to it. These events mainly involve our kids sporting activities, my husband coaches one of their basketball teams and assists with cricket training, umpiring etc This seems to be a recurring scenario: Should I go to basketball/cricket/whatever today/tonight? (If he doesn't, I just fill in for him) If he doesn't feel he can cope, he feels 1. he's letting our kids down and what should we tell them; 2. people will ask questions why he isn't there; 3. what if he goes and something happens/someone says something and he flies off the handle or it makes him feel worse; 4. should he just get out there and it might make him feel better. I fully support whatever he decides and try to help, the problem is the decision making process and the anxiety this creates in itself. Does anyone have any recommended tools around decision making - I have internet searched but haven't found anything suitable. Does anyone have any advice on whether he is better off not attending something if his mood is low or he should be trying to attend things and not feel low at home alone? Thank you so much.

Pregnancy and child birth- no support from parents due to Border Closure

replies: 1

Pregnancy and child birth suppose to be the happiest time in someone’s life. One needs physical and emotional support during that time and who can be more supportive then your own parents. But due to border closure some of the moms to be and new mums are going through extremely hard times. They dealing with physical and emotional changes in them with various other health issues. On top of that they have to take care of their older kids. Some of them have no one to take care of them as partners cannot take off from work during pregnancy and even after childbirth. They dealing with anxiety and fear of birth during pregnancy and then dealing all alone with post natal depression after birth. When these women and families needs more support from their parents, they are forced to be dealing alone because of border closure. This situation is affecting so much on their mental health. They feel helpless, stressed and frustrated at the time when they should be staying happy for good health of themselves and their babies. If anybody is going through same situation and feels like sharing their stories then pls do it. Let’s get together and support each other in whatever way we can. Share information if you know some organisation or support group that can help in your area. The most important thing right now is mental health of you all. So pls share your stories and concerns so that we all can help each other in someway. No one deserves to be fighting alone in this. Lets support !!

Sudden psychosis in bf-angry I hospitalised him

replies: 1

My partner of 2 years had been speaking a little strangely for a few days but he’d just started two new jobs and a volunteering position so I thought it was because of that. Whenever I asked, he said he was just tired. Partway through a paintball session with friends, he was kicked out because of his self endangering behaviour. I went to speak with him and he was saying all kinds of weird things that made no sense at all. He thought nothing was wrong or different with him when I asked about the way he was speaking and his behaviourand I realised something was very wrong. I called his mum and took him straight to the nearest hospital. He didn’t seem aware of what was happening and kept saying strange and paranoid things like “people lied to me and I know their secret though but I’ll tell you if you know my name. You’ve got my number so if you ever need to be bailed out of jail, I know a guy”. So they saw him quickly at the hospital and he deteriorated quickly. He wouldn’t stop talking, said sexist and inappropriate things, said things like he was born in the 50’s and his job was to shoot people. I didn’t my best to comfort and support and chat to him like normal. The psych nurse said things like psychosis and paranoia and thst they would be keeping him overnight at least so he didn’t endanger himself. They said the police would be called if he tried to leave. Everyone suggested I go home and rest. The next day I found out that he was transferred closer to home but this hospital didn’t allow visitors because of covid 19. Since then we have spoken on the phone, he doesn’t know why he’s there but he remembers that I took him there. He says he’s over this cruel practical joke and he’ll never forgive me. I’m doing my best to support him but I’m grieving and I’m worried, I’m anxious, what if he’s never the same or never realised that I was terrified for him. I don’t know how to deal with these emotions!!

Newbie here

replies: 2

Hello everyone I am new here and I am struggling to deal with a 15yr old boy who has mental health problems and being a 15yr old who just wants to push your buttons. he has just come out saying he thinks he may be gay and I am totally okay and supportive about it.. but now he doesn’t want to go to school and argues with me everyday about going... anything I say or do I am wrong to him, he thinks I don’t care and I don’t understand.. he is making me feel like I am a bad parent and that I don’t care when I absolutely do and everything I do is to make him a better person and so he will be able to deal with life as an adult.. he has had mental health issues for a few years now and i went through it as a single mum, his mental health issues have cause a lot of relationships to fail.. I have now been in a relationship for 12month but once again my sons mental health issues are putting stress on our relationship.. is it wrong that this makes me angry and upset? why can’t I be happy for once? I mean my children will always come first but don’t I deserve some happiness? I am drained from dealing with a very difficult child for years and I don’t know how much more I can take..

My husband has told me he thinks he has depression and now doesn’t love me

replies: 5

Hi my husband broke down a fortnight ago saying he was feeling really sad / low didn’t know why and thinking it might be deperession . He had a commitment that night in town and said he was going to talk about it with a mate . He return was quite and not like his usual self , by the weekend he brokedown again saying he didn’t think he loved me anymore , we have been married for 20 years and have two kids . I broke down , I am hurt and struggling to understand . He said he had been feel like this for a little while but made no indication to me or others , even in the bedroom nothing had changed we were still making love a week before he told me . I feel used , if he had these feelings why was he still doing that with me and being the one to start it most of the time ?? Once he had told me he didn’t love me he move to another room to sleep as I am hurt and he would make comments that would question how he is feeling like “ ok I am off to bed but I know where I would rather be “ . He moved out yesterday to his mums who is not far away as he said he can’t do this it feel too awkward . I am shatteRed: I am scared what ever this mate said he took on board as his issues if that makes sense as he said his mate has been in a similar circumstance. , he did say he was upset with me for not realising , but his behaviour has been so Normal to even pick up on thisI just feel like he has put a wall straight up , he is not willing to work on anything together to him he just doesn't love me anymore , it's like a light switch was flicked and that is his answer . He has always been such a loving devote husband I am just lost .his mum and dad have grilled him as they are in the same disbelief and they too are confident that no one else involved . He has been to the dr and hasn’t the referral to a psychologist on the 10/12 to help understand why he feels the way he does . It has come out there was one point he was so low he almost engaged in very dangerous behaviours. I guess all I really want to know is if anyone else has ever been in a similar situation with depression and been able to come out the other side with their relationship still going ?

Am I doing the right thing

replies: 19

November 2020 I was seeing this amazing lady where it was instant attraction for the both of us. She has met my kids and has always been calm around them and myself. She got unwell run down and also her daughter gave birth 13weeks early which was very stressful. she has since been diagnosed with bi polar on medication but has blocked me on the phone . I have sent her flowers which she has replied and said thankyou but then blocks me again. I am deeply in love with her and before diagnosed she said she loved me. I text her every morning and night to say goodnight good morning. Is this too much?? I haven’t seen her in a month and a half and I only hear from her in text maybe once a week. I find this very hard to deal with as the way I feel for her, Am I being to pushy or harassing her too much?? thankyou in advance for your help

How can I help my mum who seems to have given up on everything?

replies: 2

Hi all, My mum is a long-term depression sufferer who's been frequently in and out of hospital for 8 years and has received every treatment that our doctors can possibly think of (including medicinal canabis). Nothing seems to work. On top of medications and extreme treatments, doctors continue to encourage her to regularly exercise, meditate and try other natural therapies that they are confident will help, but she refuses to attempt. I've attempted countless times to motivate her to exercise and meditate (I personally find it very helpful). My dad and brother have done the same. I completely understand that her condition makes these actions seem impossible, while I can't begin to understand what's going on inside her head. I'm 26 now and I miss my mum and I just want her back. I've been living out of home for several years now and I travel 2 hours home once a month to see my parents and I'm always overcome with sadness seeing her sitting on the couch, unable to hold much of a conversation. Sadness gradually turns to anger and frustration knowing that there are actions she can take to try and help herself, but refuses. Again I know this is not her fault, but I love her and need her back. My concern shifts to my dad who feels like he doesn't have his wife anymore. He dreams of travelling Australia with her but she has no motivation to. She was incredible when I was younger at planning our family holidays - she loved it. Dad's had a couple of breakdowns and I see the strain on him every time I go home. Next year I'm planning on doing my own trip around Oz with my partner but I'm too concerned about leaving them alone together. I'm ready to have a real deep conversation with Mum. One that I've never had before. I feel like I need her to see how it's effecting me. I want to actually plan a light exercise routine where I can coach her along because I know this will have some kind of positive impact. I'd love to get some advice on how to approach this conversation. Will this direct approach be too damaging? What would be the right things to say to someone in this mental position? She's incredibly stubborn but would an exercise routine where I shower her with encouragement help her? Any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated

Romantic feelings for guy best friend (who has anxiety/depression)

replies: 2

Hi there, I need advice. So I've been best friends with this guy for about a year now. We talk to each other everyday, get along super well, and I am 100% comfortable around him. Around 6 months ago I realised that I was developing romantic feelings for him but I didn't want to ruin out friendship, and I didn't know if he felt the same way (he can be shy). So 2 months ago I mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt. He told me he feels the same way, but because of his mental health he wasn't ready for anything more than friends. I had no idea he was dealing with anxiety/depression. On the outside he seemed like such a happy care-free guy, so it was a complete shock to me when he said this. I reassured him that I wouldn't tell anyone (he hasn't told many people), and that I was there for him. He kept saying he didn't want to disappoint me, or unload all of his heavy feelings/thoughts onto me. I comforted him and he opened up a little more (which I could see was physically difficult for him). We concluded that we would continue to stay friends. Since this chat (2 months ago) we have continued to stay close friends and nothing has changed in that sense, but we haven't talked about any of that deep stuff since then. I really want to be a supportive figure in his life for him to tell me when he was feeling down/sad/happy etc. I know I cant force him to tell me how he is really feeling, but I feel in the dark and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure whether to bring it up, or leave it until he is more comfortable with talking to me. I just want him to know that I am there for him and care for him. It's also really hard for me because those romantic feelings haven't just gone away, they are still there. Sometimes I struggle with over-thinking and self-doubt too about whether he genuinely likes me and actually feels the same way (or whether he only sees me as a friend as is just letting me down easily). I guess I'm craving reassurance, affection, love, all of those things he can't give me right now which is really hard. I've tried moving on, but I can't bring myself to because I know about how we both feel about each other and our potential to be something more... Please if anyone has any advice on what I should do that would be great. Thanks.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Can’t get past what he did [trigger warning] replies: 13

Husband smokes marijuana and is an undiagnosed bipolar replies: 7

Decision Making - Social/Community Events replies: 2

Pregnancy and child birth- no support from parents due to Border Closure replies: 1

Sudden psychosis in bf-angry I hospitalised him replies: 1

Newbie here replies: 2

My husband has told me he thinks he has depression and now doesn’t love me replies: 5

Am I doing the right thing replies: 19

How can I help my mum who seems to have given up on everything? replies: 2

Romantic feelings for guy best friend (who has anxiety/depression) replies: 2