Worried, worried, worried

[Surfs]

Hi, my 20 year old son is suffering from anxiety/depression at the moment. He hasn't been to work for over 2 weeks, he doesn't leave his room when he's home, isn't eating very much and what he does eat is rubbish, his sleep patterns are all over the place, he spends most of his time in bed, he's not communicating much with us, however we talk to him everyday to check in to see how he is but he assures us that here is nothing wrong. He has just shut down. He has been out a couple of times with his friends in the past 3 weeks but no where near what he usually does. He has had these episodes quiet a few times previously. He will not see a doctor or take medication. He just keeps saying there is nothing wrong but clearly there is. We are so worried about him and so sad to see him so unhappy in life. I have read a lot on helping someone with anxiety/depression but nothing seems to help reach him. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

[therising]

A warm welcome to you Surf

First, just want to say how fortunate your son is, to have such a thoughtful caring parent. Myself, I'm Mum to a 15yo boy and 17yo girl. Mental well-being management is pretty big in our house, as I struggled with depression for a significant number of years earlier in my life and I don't want my kids to have to face such struggles. It's so heartwarming to hear your concern and that you're not one of those parents who says 'There's no such thing as depression, my kid is just lazy'. Again, he's lucky to have you.

Wondering how things were at work for your son, before he stopped going. Is it a job that's boring him or one where he faces co-workers with abusive behaviour? Did he enjoy it but depression and anxiety has just got the better of him.

Does your son have things to look forward to? My son, who's normally energetic and enthusiastic, has been struggling a little through all this isolation business. What normally gets him pretty pumped was temporarily taken off the table, which was leading him to become a little detached from life. I've got him creating goals which he's looking forward to (long and short term ones).

When nothing else is that exciting, junk food can become a 'go to' for dopamine hits and energy. There's a lot of research being done these days under the title of 'Mood and Food'. Studies link gut well-being to mental well-being. Worth looking into if you're interested in changing his diet. If his sleep patterns are all over the place and he's deprived to good restorative sleep, natural food is the best energy resource.

Wondering about your son's nature. Is he a sensitive sort of guy? If so, what's he sensitive to?

• Not having adventure or excitement in his life?
• Fearing not feeling heard when he wishes to open up to people?
• Not feeling a firm sense of direction in life? By the way, some folk a simply 'freestylers'. They don't have careers in mind, they just naturally go with the flow. Some may not realise this when they're comparing them self to all their friends who seem to have everything worked out for the future
• Not having a creative outlet? Photography can be a good one for reconnecting us to life. There are some amazing phones out there these days with incredible cameras in them if we're looking to connect with the nature in/of life

Finding out what disconnects and connects our kids in regard to life is definitely a learning process. Our kids teach us about our self as well. We raise each other.

🙂

[Surfs]

Thank you so much for your reply, it's amazing how many parents are dealing with children/adults with some form of mental illness. I wish there was a quick fix but unfortunately it turns out to be one of the hardest illnesses to treat. I feel so sad for our children and how they must be feeling inside.

My son works with my husband, his father as an apprentice painter. He enjoys going to work and he and my husband have a wonderful relationship. We always tell him that he doesn't have to continue with it if there is something else he would rather do but he tells us he's fine with it.

His outlet is skateboarding, he really enjoys it. His good friends skate which is really good. He has a lovely friendship group that also get concerned about him and have actually spoken or text me when they are worried about him. He has mentioned to them that he will prop not be around when he's 30. So hard to hear that. I did speak to him about this and asked him does he have suicide thoughts. He said he has had when he was in high school but he would never do that to his father and I, thank god. Frighting to think he has contemplated it.

I will look at the literature you suggested on 'Mood and Food'. I agree with the gut thing and have read several articles on that. I am just hoping once he is out of the dark he will eat better. I try to get at least one piece of fruit into him each day and that seems to be working.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words and advice, every little bit helps.

Kindest regards

[therising]

Hi Surf

You wouldn't believe it but my son's latest art school project is skateboard design. Wondering if your son has thought about stamping his mark on the deck of a skateboard. Is he an artistic sort of guy? Bit of messing around with some good stationary and sketchbooks could be a creative outlet and something to raise him to a possibly manageable challenge. Maybe if he gives himself a couple of months to come up with a handful of potential designs, this won't put him under the pump feeling like the first design has to be the best. Wondering if his dad has some talent in the field of airbrushing, so as to experiment with effects. If your son is a bit arty, maybe you could give him the tools for experimentation as a surprise gift.

Your son is so lucky to have such incredibly thoughtful parents and friends. An effective circle of thoughtful supportive people is so important within mental health challenges. It's heartbreaking when you hear not everyone has this.

Don't forget to take care of yourself during this challenge that you face. Being a loving parent is not always easy, especially when we're watching our kids struggle.

🙂