I think my partner is depressed, but he thinks I just say he does because I have depression

[blue_eyes_90]

Hey everyone

Well ill start off with that i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about 2 yrs ago, it started off with anxiety  attacks at work then onto depression  i have seen a phycologist but i wasnt to sure if that was for me.

I was given medication just for when i felt panicky but i have a thing with taking tablets not sure if i havent accepted it yet but its all steps i guess.

I have been with my partner for 5yrs and after been told about depression  and anxiety i feel like he has some of his own issues himself like depression, also he is a heavy drinker and im trying to let him know iam here for him and also myself but he thinks i just say it because  i have it. Ive tried telling him i wouldnt want anyone to have depression or anxiety it is hard and sometimes i feel  as if i dnt deal with it myself to well.

I know i have to help myself b4 anyone but i really love him and want to help him also.. lately i have been trying to tlk to him about the stuff he says about himself like he will say " he is stupid" about anything i say or if i try talking louder and slower he thinks im tlking to him like an idiot but ive always been told to speak up its just me..but anyways he had a talking problem when little and i know that gets to him and mayb thats where he gets he thinks he is stupid ( but his not) or it mayb neglect from his mother he always gets the blame she walks around calling him stupid or a piss  head when he drinks and that just makes him drink more. Ive tried talking to him and i gues i fo take it out on his mother when we do tlk and he doesnt like that but i can see from the outside  like yeh she may still love him but i know how it feels whist having delression one little word can be taken wrong. 

So i gues im just asking what is there i can do or say to get him to open his eyes and help himself.

Because  im trying for myself but it is getting so hard trying to help us both when he doesnt really care i gues..

Well thats how i feel and he doesnt open up most times when we tlk i feel like im talking to a brinck wall i have to ask if he is going to answer me.

[Kathryne]

Hi,

Sometimes getting a loved one to seek help can be hard.  It took 7 years before my husband would accept help. I found the best thing is too be there when they are ready to talk, seek help. It can be a long slow  process.  Maybe he could go to counselor with you and work together or by himself. 

Kathryne

[Lori]

Hi blue eyes 90,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through at this time. Supporting someone else can be really difficult at times especially when they are refusing the help or aren't much of a talker.. You are right though you do have to look after yourself first, and i can 100% understand how you want to him help as well though.

If your partner doesn't want to talk to you about it have you suggested to him about talking to someone else a counselor or someone else ? You said he is saying that you are telling him he has these illnesses because you do, i don't believe that because it is awful to experience them and i believe that he might be saying that because he might feel ashamed about it all. Some people find it extremely hard to come to terms that they are struggling and feel embarrassed about it, so they don't say anything and don't ask for help.

 What i think is that keep trying to talk to him about it but most importantly if he truly doesn't want to talk about it just try your best to be understanding and just let him know that when he is ready to talk about it that you are there for him and also remind him that there is lots of help out there and lots of people willing to help him.

Look after yourself, your doing a great job with your partner he is very lucky hopefully he becomes a bit more talkative soon. Good luck and keep us updated.

- Lori 🙂