I need ideas for finding myself again

[frazer]

7 years ago my husband sufferred a burst brain aneurism, he bled during the ensuing operation and now has an acquired brain injury. His short term memory is virtually nonexistent and he refuses to write things down to help himself. His visual memory is perfect so once he writes things down he retains the information. He is in complete denial which means I am constantly having to pick up the pieces when he forgets things. He asks me inane questions again and again and cannot accomplish the simplest tasks without a plan. I am a trained psychologist who can see what he is capable of but the frustration I feel when he wont listen to how he can help himself drives me insane. I am very depressed and anxious and feel very isolated. I keep on trying to find activities for myself but I have got to the stage that I dont want to do anything which I know is bad. I am so resentful that my days are spent either in silence ignoring him or in tears. What can I do to help myself get a life back. I have been to many counsellors who dont really understand the problem and have tried taking antidepressants which just dull my brain. Can anyone help?

[white knight]

Hi fraser, welcome

I have to compliment you looking after your dad.

Unfortunately you cant continue to unless you care for yourself. The seesaw is out of whack, too much responsibility and not enough recreation. When children of elderly parents look after them the children end up being the boss because some elderly are a pain to care for with stubborness as they grapple with losing their lives as they've known it for decades. Same with writing things down, its too far away from his normal life and he wouldnt remember to read it. I know as I've tried as my short term memory is shot.

You need respite. Have you tried human services? Your GP? Relatives? Time out to do some low impact sports, badminton, table tennis....? Relaxation?

There are many threads here. Eg google

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Maharaji the perfect instrument- beyondblue

Best of luck. Post anytime. Take care

Tony WK

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Frazer

Looks like you are new to our forums. We hope you find them useful.

Sounds like you are in a really difficult situation. Seeing your husband suffer an aneurism then encounter complications must have been very hard to go through. And the ramifications are ongoing. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to not have your husband manage his short term memory better! Especially as a psychologist - I really feel for you.

Have you tried doing regular exercise for both the physically and mental benefits? Yoga is great for the mind - when my husband was at his worse with depression I found yoga really beneficial.

Are there local community groups who host things through your council? Eg cooking classes? Another option is doing some short courses through a college or online?

Do you spend much time with family and friends?

Look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane