Hi, I'm engaged to a wonderful man who makes me so happy and I can see us laughing in our 80s. The wedding is in July, I have a "mum-of-the-bride-zilla which is stressful. We recently changed jobs, moved cities, leaving family and friends behind, since then have had people staying with us most weeks so we haven't been alone much over the last 4-5 months. We also just missed out on a home purchase last week so there is a lot going on.
my fiancé had a difficult upbringing, parents separating, his mum not wanting to/being able to care for him and some other stuff that I am sure has an impact on his mental wellbeing.
we have been together for 4 years, and living together most of that time. He has had bouts of depression and did see a family doctor once (who also provided counselling with his mum situ) who prescribed him anti depressants. He took them for a while but didn't like the way they made him feel - his sex drive slowed massively and hasn't really come back.
since moving the depression is back (self diagnosed). He won't come out or meet new ppl. He has started telling people he feels depressed (me, boss, close friend) and has suggested seeing a doc but not acted on it yet.
during our relationship there have been times when his self esteem has been low so to boost it he will flirt/text/email other girls. As far as I know he has never done anything physical but this created a rift in our relationship and some trust issues which we are working through.
tonight, when "bored", his ex randomly happened to get in touch. She sometimes asks him to talk, he usually says no. Tonight they talked on the phone for an hour and reminisced a bit. I got upset.
This sort of upset happens now and then - each time he retracts, saying he is always hurting me and making me sad and I would be better off without him, so he will leave. That is the opposite of what I need - his love and reassurance. I never understood until today that this is probably a result of the depression, low self esteem and maybe fear of abandonment.
he doesn't talk about his sad feelings too much and when he gets sad or this kind of thing happens he insists on being alone. He won't have me near him. It's always when I need him most so this is not good.
My being upset makes him feel worse but I can't excuse the behaviour just because he is depressed? I don't know how to help him, and I struggle to both calm myself and leave him be. I tell him I love him and I'm there for him, and always apologise.
