How to support my other half with his depression

[jskab]

Hello,

I am very concerned about my partner (He is 24)

In the past few months he has been very hot and cold towards myself, his work, his interests and his overall life.

He doesnt feel he is worthy of me as he is 'broken'

He feels that everything he does is not good enough.

He feels that he is a burden to everyone.

So much so that he is looking at careers in which are isolating.

Such as the navy, fly in fly out work or the army.

Personally I see this as potential escape, in hope to free himself from feeling as though he is a burden to everyone as he no longer has to deal with that if he is away.

He has also recently moved out and back to his mums, which I am happy for that to happen as I feel it takes some pressure off him.





I was fortunate enough to get him to see a psychologist as he himself admitted that this negative thinking and serious self sabotage is no good. But I do not feel as though it is helping. I feel that medication may be the answer as it is not only his thoughts but his moods.

He becomes very frustrated with himself, tugs at his hair in frustration, will say irrational things and shut himself off.



I would just like some advice on how to support him through this and to possibly get him to consider other treatments.



Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

He could be searching for radical change. He might have recognized that his life isis too boring to remain that way. An active or depressed mind us unpredictable.

You cant do much. Work with him to seek further professional care perhaps.

Joining the defense isnt negative for some. Im ex RAAF that was 40 years ago but it does offer more purpose, direction and commraderie than normal. It could be that spark he needs but might not sit well with you and family being far away.

You are to be commended for your care level. But in the end its up to him. Patience on your part and lots of quiet talks help a lot.

Tony WK

[jskab]

Thank you for your reply Tony.

He completed training for the Army Reserves last year (prior to us been together) & did not pursue it any further.

I understand that a job of that description does offer purpose, structure and all those things you mentioned, but I am worried that it may esculate the situation as he is a very soft and gentle person, struggling to cope with his emotions. This is why I see it as a potential escape rather than a genuine interest.

However, you are right that is out of my control. I am just terribly worried about his mental state at this current time.

He has asked for space so I am respecting this as hard as it is for me.

Thank you again.

Jessica

[Quiettall]

Hi Jessica

I have been reading your posts and if I can, offer a point of view that maybe your partner is needing some clear focus and the offer of this work, may appeal to his needs right now. Maybe you need just give him reassurance that you are there for him, that you understand his needs to follow his "dream" and that you support that. It is ok to tell him you'll miss him though, and suggest to him to keep in touch either via text, email or skype or viber every couple of days.

I am in a similar situation where I have the offer of doing some overseas aid work for up to 12 months. That is too long to be away from my home and my wife, but she has said, although reluctantly, that she understands my need to use the skills and follow the passion I have for others. When I went overseas last year on 2 x 3 months assignments, we spoke every morning and every evening (at least most days) by Skype. That actually helped build a stronger connection although she still shows no interest in my work, which deeply saddens me. Anyway, we are all individuals and are given our own set of skills, abilities and interests. Even though we are together, it does not necessarily mean one of us has to give away everything in favour of the other. It is all about compromise and working out an arrangement that somehow suits both.