Hello Amy, welcome to the forum. I can see that took courage to post, especially in light of other experiences. You are welcome here, and we will do what we can to help both you and your husband. I can also see your love and compassion shining through your words, and I really respect that.
I'm glad your husband is seeing a therapist - is he also on medication? That might be a starting point if he's not.
You say he doesn't like to talk about with you much. I understand that. I don't either when I'm like that, because it's hard and painful, like dredging up something we're trying to bury deep down. I always cry when I talk about it and end up very drained. Being a bloke, he might fear that, or fear exposing weakness. But it does help. I've learned that over the hears - it's hard to talk but a weight lifts after you do. So, perhaps rather than just respect his desire for silence (which is admirable) you could encourage him more. Start the conversation gently, tell him you want to understand because you love him (not because you want to help him get better, he probably won't think you can), you love him and want to share this with him.
If he does talk, just listen. Don't try to fix it or offer solutions, just listen and be loving. One of the things I hate to hear in these discussion is 'maybe you could ...' or 'if you just ...'
Being unemployed and depressed, he has probably developed very low self-esteem. So reinforcing all the reasons you love and admire him is important. Focus on what he can do, not what he can't. And talk about everyday things you share together - food, TV, music. We can get so inward when we're like this that we forget there are things we enjoy, and yet it's also when we need them most, and we need distraction from what's going on in our heads.
I wouldn't bring up the subject of work - let him come to that. But try to help him set small goals at home. Things he can achieve - ask if he can do you a favour by ... whatever (posting a letter, going to the chemist, buying some bread etc). Don't be cross if he doesn't but don't ignore it either, just ask gently what happened. If he does thank him, and set another goal for the next day.
Try to get him outside - sit in the sun together, go for a walk, weed the garden. Fresh air and a bit of exercise is really helpful (even though we resist it at first).
I'm running out of room, so I'll leave it for now. I hope you come back and we can keep talking.
Very best wishes
Kaz
