How can I help my husband ?

[10101]

My husband had been struggling with depression for a while he gets anxiety and panic attacks also. He started taking medication 6 months ago, since starting the medication he has started drinking more heavily. His depression has been getting worse so last week the doctor changed his meds and now he has fallen more into the depression he can’t stop drinking.His moods jump from wanting help and being aware that it’s not him, to angry outbursts and wants to be alone . I have tried suggesting he checks in with his GP but he is reluctant to see them. I just want to help him and don’t know where to start

[Doolhof]

Hi 10101,

Sorry to read your husband is having such a hard time. It may help you to telephone the beyondblue support team on 1300 22 4636, they may will be able to listen to you and may be able to offer suggestions of what will help you both right now.

Unfortunately taking medication can have different effects with people. It may be the medication is making your husband worse instead of better. Mixing the pills with alcohol can change the effect of the medication as well.

Is it possible for you to get your husband back to the Dr, I know that can be a hard thing to do, or is it possible for you to see his Dr and discuss what is happening to your husband and ask for advice.

Do you know much about depression? there is a lot of information on the beyondblue site that may help you understand what your husband is experiencing.

As one who suffers from mental health issues, we don't always know what is best for us or what will help. Sometimes someone else has to take over and direct us to help and assistance.

Hope you find some answers! From Dools

[Elainem]

Hi hun i am sorry you are having a rough time atm I know how you feel and the best thing you can do for you husband is be supportive and just listen and let him know that it is ok to feel embarrassed about asking for help if you need some help or advice you can call the mh mental health line they were extremely helpfull to me when my partner was breaking down.my partner has ocd anxiety and depression and has been struggling for years and recently has had a turn for the worse and we decided that taking hime to a mental health clinic was the best option.

My partner was also exhibiting mood swings of anger and needing times to be alone he also abused alcohol he said it helped the bad feeling go away and made him feel better and more normal .

This is just a band aid and it's not a good mix with the medications although you have to understand that taking any kind of anti depressent or anti psychotic can be a really hard and difficult thing for a person especially if your partner is getting heavy side affects witch my partner did when he was on them. My partner really struggled communicating what was happening for him while he was on these kind of drugs.

Is your husband seeing anyone atm for his depression and anxiety because I can suggest a great phsycoligist and GP that have been a great help for me and my partner.

I am happy to chat more with you if you need it is really important as a partner of some one struggling to get lots of support for yourself.

[10101]

Thank you for your reply.

since my original post not much as changed. He still refuses help he has told me he is working on himself and that he won’t let his depression beat him. Yet somedays he thinks there is no problem he has told me our marriage is doomed and we should get divorced ,but he says he still loves me and wants to be with me. It’s so confusing he keeps having these out of the blue plans such as getting a tattoo, buying a Ute so he can take off by himself.

But then every night when he comes home he tells me to keep hanging in and we will get through this.

He has asked me not to talk to his Doctor but I am so worried I think I need to, am I doing the right thing ?

[Doolhof]

Hi 10101,

Depression can really mess with our minds and make decisions confusing. There is a part of me that wants to run away, and other parts that want to make our marriage the best it can be.

It is hard to balance out two completely different scenarios.

Maybe talking to his Dr. is a good idea, you need to consider will it benefit your husband and yourself if you do so and what might the repercussions be.

Your husband may be upset to know you have done this, but by doing so you may be able to help yourself and him.

Can you go out for a drive with your husband? Sometimes the need to get away can be strong. A drive somewhere different might help with these feelings he has.

Hope you manage to keep communication open between the two of you.

Cheers from Dools

[geoff]

Hello 10101, this is always a complex situation because his mind is not thinking straight because of his depression and it's always easy for someone with depression to say they can fix it themselves, that could mean that he's pushing his illness aside and it's not uncommon for not only him but other people to have these unusual thoughts, which will change from day to day, especially when he's drinking alcohol.

He has asked you not to see his doctor but maybe you can go and see your doctor for an opinion.

His moods are going to change depending on how he is feeling and can go from making a decision that he won't keep, to being really depressed.

Please keep in touch with us.

Geoff.

[10101]

Since my last post our situation has changed and got a lot more serious. My husbands behaviour has worsened we found out I was pregnant which was not surprising as we had been trying before this got so serious.

On telling my husband he was delighted and did make an effort for a few days to get back on track. Unfortunately after that his downward spiral has continued his drinking Increased he drinks a lot every night, which makes his mood swings worse.

When he is out drinking he goes out of his way to be the life and soul of the party yet when he comes home he talks about killing him self and blames me for his misery and being the cause for his depression.

Hes still been telling people we are getting divorced yet not telling me this,he was telling me he was happy we had got over our rough patch, he has told lots of people untrue stories.

He stole some car parts off his best friend, which is completely out of character.

He missed baby appointments because he chose to go drinking instead and when I had a miscarriage scare got angry and said I was punishing him and left me alone at the hospital.

He started getting really funny a week ago, and I found out he had been texting another woman and they had been arranging to spend the week end away together alone he told me it was a Boys week end? The messages were very flirty and he told her we were getting divorced. He got angry with me for reading his messages ( I am not proud of it ) he switched off our power at the fuse box in the night and then jumped and wrestled me to the ground in the dark to see my phone because he wanted to know what I said to people.

At this stage I had to leave, because it’s not safe for me or the baby to be around him. Since leaving his emotions have been angry and upset he still does not want me around but when I said I was going to move out he broke down. And told me not to go and that he would get help, yet since that has told me to leave again

The hardest think is up until 4 months ago he was the kindest most loving man, can this really be the depression and drink making him like this.

We have been together 9 years and emigrated to Australia together so we have no family here to support us just good friends. I am planning on going back to my family in the UK for a while as I have no where else to go.

I don’t want to give up on him but He has hurt me so much. And I need to start thinking about the baby.

i just wish I could get the man I have known for the last 9 years back