Understanding my friend's mental health issues

[wallacesimmons]

My male friend is 19 years old. He has a secure job in the Australian Army. He has many troubles he often talks about with me but sometimes I feel unable to reciprocate. I'd like some advice on understanding what my friend may be facing in life. I will try and keep this concise.

My friend is fit and healthy, his job requires it. He commits to his own ideas like 'going to the gym 4 times a week' but really it's whenever he feels like it. He is much more impulsive than structured, tends to act on his 'want' more than his long-term 'need'. He only sticks with an idea or plan if he sees immediate repeated success. I'd say he is easily discouraged and unable to commit to long-term ideas, impatient.

Currently, he has financial trouble and generally spends his money as soon as its obtained. Purchases are made in large quantities without any respect for savings. It's only when he realises he has no money he tells me he has to save some. Like a vicious cycle. He recently took out a $30k loan - 'to get a vehicle', any attempt I made at persuading him to get a low-cost first car was ignored. I think he values the immediate fun of owning a fancy car and 'showing it off' more than the smart long-term approach. I think he compensates a lot for his lack of identity.

I have an excellent relationship with him, we know each other very well. Our conversations are generally about him or his interests. I find he has very little or no appreciation for many things that he isn't preoccupied. Even things as general as music, books, arts or culture. He just completely ignores or just doesn't care. Even when I talk about my life there is a pretend to care response but very rarely do you get constructive responses out of him when discussing my life. I believe he is selfish.

He is usually very respectful in conversation but occasionally just cuts you off and speaks his mind - or he ignores your rant / detailed explanation because he either can't understand it or it's 'useless to him'. He doesn't tell me this but I believe this is what is happening.

I tried to keep this short. His life is very fast paced and I feel he thinks life is a big race to get money and act tough. Very rarely does he act in the present and appreciate the small things in life. I don't think he is gaining any more perspective even though he should be learning lessons through his job and through supposed financial mistakes. I care for my friend and we are very in tune as a pair. Thanks.

[wallacesimmons]

I can answer more questions and / or go further into his life background if neccessary. I really do appreciate any comments / advice given.

[wallacesimmons]

My friend didn't have a good father growing up. He was one of seven siblings. The oldest. He also drinks alcohol alone and does drugs like LSD because he needs a 'mental reset' when really he is just bored and doesn't know what to do with himself. When I ask him about his ambition he has no idea what he truly wants to do long term. He neglects a lot of basic tasks around his living quarters like cleaning up or planning for meals. I believe he joined the army for the money but now he hates committing to his role. I asked him about his job and he says the people in the army are manipulative and pick on him, use him etc. He simply doesn't entertain things he doesn't like doing, even if there is an underlying positive reward at the end of the hard work. He can't concentrate on the meaning of a movie if we go to the cinema together. He just falls asleep and gets bored very easily. Apologise for the rant, just trying to cover of all the situations I can recall / analyse.

[geoff]

Hello Wallcesimmons, thanks for posting your comment.

Your friend who is 'impulsive' has now caused financial problems, but the thought of that doesn't worry him while he's making quick and unthoughtful decisions.

Cutting you off seems to be because he's pre-occupied and buying an expensive car could be 'to show off', this could be because he has little self-esteem, he has to prove himself by being in the army, where he can't make any decisions, they're all made for him.

Can I just ask a couple of questions and please only answer if you want to

-has he been the army long

-is there previous sign of any mental illness

-are there any amicable decisions and are you yourself in the army.

I hope to hear back from you and excuse me as this is my first reply today and it maybe a bit rusty.

Geoff.

[wallacesimmons]

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for your reply.

He has been in the Australian Army for 3 years, 2019 marks a 4th year.

I have never seen him really withdrawn, depressed or any other signs to suggest he may be facing something serious. I can't know for sure. The only thing that could be remotely relevant is his relationship with his parents.

He used to tell me his father would continue to 'take things away from him', because of bad behaviour in his house. He says it got to a point where everything was taken away and all he had was a bed. His father even confiscated his birthday presents (phone, television) in hopes of teaching him a lesson. I don't know if he had any major mental consequences from these situations. This type of stuff happened many years ago and I my friend has made some nasty conclusions about his parents since.

I don't know about his amicable decisions. If you mean in the past, and for the interest of himself I would say hardly. If by amicable you mean seek help, he has not. He hasn't spoken to a psychologist about his worries or instability. Only thing I can think of is he is good at socialising, making friends/connections. Only other thing, he does regularly make attempts to 'correct' his financial problems. Amicable decisions in terms of education or future, no. He dislikes 'having to work' and 'having to do something' he doesn't want to do. He left school in Year 10.

One other thing: during a conversation, if we argue, he generally instigates why his idea is better over mine without hesitation. He favours 'winning the argument' over the precise truth of what we are talking about. This may have no relevance but I'd say he is more inclined to subjectively deal with ideas and conversations.

I am not in the Australian Army.

Thanks.