Helping Someone

Clara1

I have a male friend that is about 12 years older than me. Last year he told me that he had two falls. I have been calling him regularly asking him how he is but this year he seems to be telling me that he feels fine. Maybe things are improving for him or maybe he only has this problem once every two years. I am not sure if he appreciates my calls anymore as he tends to end the conversation sooner and sometimes he does not call me back. Maybe I should just wait six months before trying to call him again. I have other friends that I can call and I don’t want to become a nuisance.

Croix

Dear Clara1~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum and quite understand the difficult position you are in. With an adult for whom you are not close family or next of kin your options are pretty limited no matter that you care.

I would like to mention in passing that for some men, myself included, to be reminded of my infirmities can be annoying, and I do not always respond as I should with appreciation that someone cares. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case here, there could be many reasons he is not responding as he did.

From your words I'm sure you want the best for your friend and know that falls can be one of the major porblems as one gets older. Also that it looks like your calls are getting less and less response.

I guess the obvious thing to ask is if there is anyone else who can keep an eye on your friend's welfare, someone he would accept? If so perhaps have a chat with them.

Apart from that I guess stretching the time between your calls to a longer period as you are thinking about though that does leave you without knowing what's happening. Alternatively making calls a bit less often but that are nothing to do with his welfare, in fact it is not even mentioned, but just on topics he would be interested in might be more effective. You can judge for yourself during those calls if he is in a poor situation wihtout asking anything.

I'd favor that last suggestion myself - what do you think?

Croix

Clara1

Hi Croix,

I think you are right. I will try changing the topic of the conversation to something else like music or sport. That will sound more positive and encourage the other person to keep in contact.

Croix

Dear Clara1~

I'm glad you are going to give it a try, as you would know it has the benefit that you don't feel uncomfortable asking about how things are, but at the same time it will be obvious if there are problems. It may also help to cheer your friend up to have interesting and enjoyable chats not reminding of any possible infirmities.

Croix