caring for sister

[user18474618391]

Hi, I am an older sister caring for my younger sister with autism and depression, and I would really appreciate some advice. I am worried for her because she is showing signs of mental decline that is only being worsened by our home environment. To be clear, we are safe, she just gets into arguments a lot with my parents because they do not understand her. This frustrates me. She is currently in therapy, but she says she hates it. She has reached a point where she is practically non verbal and locks herself in her room all the time, even though she is the sweetest girl. She feels comfortable with me and we have had many conversations about this but recently she has found it harder to communicate and is really worsening. I wrote my parents a letter to try and get them to understand, and also had an in depth conversation with them, but nothing seems to be changing. Does anyone have advice? I don’t want to inflame anything because she has reached a point where she just doesn’t want to explain herself anymore. Thank you to anyone who can respond.  

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

Welcome here to the Forum. I'd have to say your sister is lucky to have such an understanding and caring older sister trying to look after her.

you must be understanding as you have been able to have long comfortable conversations wiht her, but are now worried she is saying less even to you. You go to the trouble to try to get one major problem sorted, that your parents do not understand despite yur sister's and your best efforts.

Quite fankly anyone who is constantly not understood may resort to anger, and may eventually give up. Its very stressful and even exhausting to keep on when you are convinced you will never be understood no matter waht you say. No wonder your sister taks less.

Of course this may not be the only reason. When I've had bouts of depression my mind is so full of hopeless thoughts I don't have any mental space left to deal wiht people, even the ones I love.

Of course it may be at least in part a symptom of her Autism condition.

So what can you do, given your parents are not currently a help?

Keep on being as close as you can ot your sister wihtout crowding her, so that she sees you as a safe ally. Maybe you can get an authority figure, such as an Autism familiar clinician to counsel them, and maybe even see if her current therapist is the most suitable as she dislikes the sessions. 

If you can learn more about Autism and strategies that might help. I can't say anything about Autism myself as I am not on the spectrum, however I am (unfortunately) very familiar with depression and many therapies and medications for it. The good news is that it is treatable and eventually my life turned around, and while still under long term treatment live a satisfying and fulfilling life.

There have been lots of people affected by Autism here on the Forum, both those who are neurodiverse, and those that are with them. If you do a search here (the spyglass at the top of the page) for the word 'Autism' (no quotes) you will have a large number to skim though and may find fresh ideas there.

Trying to care for your sister must be a most worrying, frustrating and even upsetting matter for you, is there anyone to give you support - a family member or friend perhaps? Just having someone that cares to listen to you can be a help. Trying all by yourself is very hard.

You know yoou are always going to be welcome ot come back and talk more, it is a problem that may take time. 

Croix