Helping my partner

[Mummaof2]

Hi all,

I'm new to this page but needed some help or advice. Not sure where to start but here goes...

I've been married for 5 years and known my husband for 12. We have 2 beautiful children, a 3yr old and 3 month old. Our relationship and marriage up until 2 years ago had been a happy, loving and affectionate one. We have had our problems like everyone else but have always communicated well. My husbands work has always been a major issue he's never been happy. He's always worked and most of the time it's jobs he's hated. He's jumped around so much then long story short after not being happy and 2 redundancies we decided to buy into a business  so my partner could try and make being his own boss work, (silly us thinking it would be the answer to his work problems and finally be happy)  well sadly it didn't work out  it was causing my husband to have  debilitating anxiety issues. We had a big debt to pay back. Lucky we had been wanting to move house anyway so we sold our house and were, able to pay our debts and now are renting with a clean slate and some money felt to put towards another home in the future. But The loss of the business has taken a huge toll on my husband as well as our second child being born.

My husband now has bad anxiety and depression. I don't know how to help him, our once happy marriage is suffering, I feel the kids are suffering. I feel like I don't know who I've married anymore, I feel lonely and lost and don't know if our relationship will ever be the same again, I'm sad and wanting the happiness we used to have. He used to be my rock but now he just can't cope with simple stuff. Our 2nd child crying sets his anxiety off. He's been sleeping on the couch for months as he prefers it out there! he is seeing someone and the therapist said he knows his problems but I worry it's never going to get better! He's also not working at the moment so I guess that's not helping. Sometimes I feel like walking away, other times I miss my mate...I'm just so frustrated and tired of it all at times.

Any advice would be great, sorry for such a long post. 

[Pixie15]

Hi Mummaof2,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. You have not mentioned if your partner is receiving medical treatment. Some people can be helped by therapy and some may need medication and some need medication to help them to commit to the therapy. If your partner is not improving on his current therapy it would be a good idea to try to encourage him to see his doctor to discuss other options that are available.

If you have not done so already it would be a good idea to have a look at the various publications on this site with information on anxiety and depression and information for the carer. You will find a lot of information on the various treatments available and ideas for looking after your partner and yourself.

My partner also has trouble working with other people.I have supported him to establish a business of his own which he is comfortable with. The business is currently in about it's fourth evolution. Just because you have not succeeded in your first venture it does not mean that your partner having his own business is not a viable idea. If your partner is stuck in the home is there something you can do to encourage him to try to build a another business for himself. Something he can start out with in a small way from home.

You have a lot on your hands trying to care for your two young children and your partner. Try to keep a balance in your own life and do  something you really enjoy at least once a week.

Cheers,

Grateful.