Please help

lost77 · ‎09-03-2015

I don't know where to start, we have been married for 10 years this year, have 3 children. I stay at home and care for my nan who is 90. Our son has learning difficulties. My husband has been diagnosed with chronic depression. He spends all day in bed, I get up at 7am and get our kids off to school, I work in the house and around our farm all day then pick the kids up at 2:30pm. All of this time he is in bed. He is on multiple medications. He sees a psychiatrist. He cannot stand it when our kids fight, he starts screaming and yelling at them to shut up. He doesn't bother to help me with them anymore. I am doing everything and it has been like this for over 2 years. I can't cope anymore and I feel dead inside, I have told him and told him to help me, even just helping me get them to school would be great. We go nowhere. He has lost his job. He has threatened suicide on multiple occasions. I don't know what to do, this is not healthy for my children or me, if I leave and he kills himself then what? If I stay and it keeps going like this I will be ground down to nothing. He was my rock, someone I could depend on, now I have no one I can depend on. Nothing I say or do is good enough.

Neil_1 · ‎10-03-2015

Hi there Lost77

Firstly, I’d like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and providing your post.

My first thought was the words, “tough situation”, but that would be putting it lightly.

My other overwhelming thought is that you need to perhaps seek out some of your own professional support and possible advice. I say this, because if you this keeps going as is, I can sense that it’s going to become too much for you and you could come crashing down yourself; because as you rightly say, ‘this is not healthy for you, nor is it healthy for your children’.

Is there no other support mechanisms for you that might be close by? Though, you’ve mentioned you live on a farm, so I’m not sure just how close by these supports could be? I’m thinking here firstly of any other family members who may be able to possibly help you out with different jobs – perhaps to get there early to give you a hand with the kids, or to even help you out with some of the work to be done around the house or the farm? OR possibly a neighbour? I was born and raised on a farm, and at times we were able to call upon a neighbour to help out on different occasions – different reasons, but just to get through a particularly tough job.

Anyway, just a thought.

But back to the professional support – do you think by you going to a doctor and explaining your situation, do you think it could prove beneficial to you? They may be able to provide some help or even solutions to how things are at the moment?

Again, it’s just a thought, and you may have already thought of all these before. But I would really like to hear back from you on this.

Kind regards

Neil

lost77 · ‎10-03-2015

Thanks for replying Neil1, we are in the Hunter Valley, there are services nearby that could help us, today he has been to Centrelink and they've told him to apply to go on a disability pension and for me to become his carer. I have PND myself and have been in my own tough situation, but have clawed my way back. I've been thinking of going to see someone as I don't know what to do in this situation, we moved here for his work and know no-one, my own mother lives not 15kms away but is of no help at all, even though it's her mother I'm caring for. My in-laws have their own property and are both not well but are 3 hours from us and can't help. I'm afraid it's just me and somehow I need to stay strong for this family

Neil_1 · ‎11-03-2015

Hi there Lost

Thank you for your latest response and for the further update.

I just wonder if you might be able to follow up that thinking that you might try to go and see someone, who may be able to provide you with some help in your current situation.

I hope the Centrelink response for you both is something that will prove to be beneficial to you.

I’m sorry that I don’t have much more to add that may be of benefit to you – I just wish I could have some kind of response that would be more positive and uplifting for you.

Kind regards

Neil