Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Newly Wed thinking it's never going to stop!

replies: 4

I married my husband 2 weeks ago the love of my life father to my kids but every day is also a struggle! he is depressed and suffers from anxiety and admits however refuses to get help he won't talk to anyone he won't get medicated regularly threatens suicide. i can't help feeling it's me that makes him thT way he is happy to "pretend" infront of others but I am usually so upset and hurt I find it hard. tonight I told him I feel like we shouldn't have got married as I feel like I married his condition not him and his condition is something I can't love the way I love him. we have 2 young children both work full time but my life is consumed with down points and not knowing how to deal with him - I am getting to the point I feel like all my happiness has been torn Away like he can't even be happy to have me there. i try so hard to support him but between running a household working ft and keeping things as normal as possible for our kids I am starting to feel lost myself and not knowing what is right from wrong.

Panic attacks. Alternative treatments/ therapists??

replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I am not sure where to start! My husband had his first panic attack about 10 yrs ago, seemingly triggered by a stressful event. Since then he has had one or two a year sometimes going for two years with nothing. Not on any medication or treatments for it. They have recently begun to get worse and effect his and our family daily life. Dr is keen to start trialling medications and has no suggestions as to alternative treatments as he believes meds is the first option. I would like to start at a Psychologist or Psychiatrist first to get there assessment/input? There must be other solutions? Never had any experience with this and don't know anyone who has.Thanks

How do I support my boyfriend who has depression?

replies: 3

Hello, My boyfriend is suffering from depression and its breaking my heart to see him in SO much pain. I know that men and women have different needs of support in this situation. I'd really appreciate some tips on how I can best support him as somet... View more

Medication induced panic attacks and anxiety disorder

replies: 1

Hi all, first time here but have done a lot of helpful reading. So I'm hoping you can help me more. My mum is 72yo has a history of panic attacks following a care accident. This has been well controlled for some 15 plus years on AD. NOV 2014 she was admitted to hospital for a major stomach operation. While in hospital her usually well controlled high blood pressure, got way out of control. For this she was put on a beta blocker. Post discharge she developed high level anxiety and panic. It was decided by the dr that this was a side effect of the anti hypertensive. So she was weened off it. She was also put back on her normal AD meds that she hadn't been having. So that's the back ground. She has now lost 10kg from no appetite and complains of feeling full all the time with out eating. She has repetitive panic attacks and anxiety and panic attacks. I have had her to the emergency dept one night when she was in a frenzy. They did not admit or treat her. Her gap is monitoring her. My 74yo dad is caring for her and I do as much as I can. Both of them refuse to let me cook for them or help. I'm the only child and beside myself. I slept over there last night to give dad a break. But he is heading for a breakdown himself. Mum is pushing everyone away, doesn't want to msg on ph or talk. She pushes away any form of affection. Just lays on bed in a dark room. She doesn't want to talk about anything. She only sleeps for a few hrs when she has taken her prescribed long term sleeping tablets. She acknowledges what is happening to her, but when suggestions are made she says she just can't. Eg eat, go to dr, or anything we feel may bring her some joy. She says she feels like a good cry but isn't able too. She doesn't like conversing as she says it's overwhelming. I know she needs to see a professional in this field. But I don't know how to get her to do anything. Every time I suggest she makes an excuse or just cuts dad and I off. Refusing to talk. How on earth can I get her to do things , such as seeing the dr. I use a very soft supportive tone and don't push her in anyway. I don't want to make her worse. Any advise gratefully accepted. Thank you.

Please help

replies: 3

I don't know where to start, we have been married for 10 years this year, have 3 children. I stay at home and care for my nan who is 90. Our son has learning difficulties. My husband has been diagnosed with chronic depression. He spends all day in bed, I get up at 7am and get our kids off to school, I work in the house and around our farm all day then pick the kids up at 2:30pm. All of this time he is in bed. He is on multiple medications. He sees a psychiatrist. He cannot stand it when our kids fight, he starts screaming and yelling at them to shut up. He doesn't bother to help me with them anymore. I am doing everything and it has been like this for over 2 years. I can't cope anymore and I feel dead inside, I have told him and told him to help me, even just helping me get them to school would be great. We go nowhere. He has lost his job. He has threatened suicide on multiple occasions. I don't know what to do, this is not healthy for my children or me, if I leave and he kills himself then what? If I stay and it keeps going like this I will be ground down to nothing. He was my rock, someone I could depend on, now I have no one I can depend on. Nothing I say or do is good enough.

Helping my partner

replies: 1

Hi all, I'm new to this page but needed some help or advice. Not sure where to start but here goes... I've been married for 5 years and known my husband for 12. We have 2 beautiful children, a 3yr old and 3 month old. Our relationship and marriage up until 2 years ago had been a happy, loving and affectionate one. We have had our problems like everyone else but have always communicated well. My husbands work has always been a major issue he's never been happy. He's always worked and most of the time it's jobs he's hated. He's jumped around so much then long story short after not being happy and 2 redundancies we decided to buy into a business so my partner could try and make being his own boss work, (silly us thinking it would be the answer to his work problems and finally be happy) well sadly it didn't work out it was causing my husband to have debilitating anxiety issues. We had a big debt to pay back. Lucky we had been wanting to move house anyway so we sold our house and were, able to pay our debts and now are renting with a clean slate and some money felt to put towards another home in the future. But The loss of the business has taken a huge toll on my husband as well as our second child being born. My husband now has bad anxiety and depression. I don't know how to help him, our once happy marriage is suffering, I feel the kids are suffering. I feel like I don't know who I've married anymore, I feel lonely and lost and don't know if our relationship will ever be the same again, I'm sad and wanting the happiness we used to have. He used to be my rock but now he just can't cope with simple stuff. Our 2nd child crying sets his anxiety off. He's been sleeping on the couch for months as he prefers it out there! he is seeing someone and the therapist said he knows his problems but I worry it's never going to get better! He's also not working at the moment so I guess that's not helping. Sometimes I feel like walking away, other times I miss my mate...I'm just so frustrated and tired of it all at times. Any advice would be great, sorry for such a long post.

should I talk to hubby's family?

replies: 2

I'm pretty sure my husband has depression. Should I talk to his family about it? They have no idea. I'm not sure how to deal with this by myself.

How do I help my friend?

replies: 18

Hello I haven't posted in this forum before and I'm really hoping someone can offer some advice. my best friend has suffered from depression for as long as I've known him (about 15 years). His parents took him to see psychologists when he was younger but he didn't want to participate and he usually just sat there and didn't say anything. Now that he's an adult he says he has accepted his depression, it's a part of him and it will never change. He has times where he seems ok and other times he's completely withdrawn, doesn't want to talk or see anyone. I offer as much support as I can, telling him he's a great person, an amazing friend and that I will help him with whatever he needs. I'm really struggling with the idea that he doesn't want to get help and I really miss my best friend. What do I do?

What to do when somebody refuses point blank that they have a problem?

replies: 3

Anyone been through this & has any ideas? My 23 yr old son is verbally abusive & has mental health issues but refuses help or admit that he needs it. He will not discuss the matter .Not been diagnosed. Have tried & begged for him to talk to me but he just screams at me. He doesn't work, has driven out his twin brother because of his violent physical bullying. He has some very compulsive behaviours, hoarding, non stop on line purchasing, doing things a certain number of times & has physical meltdowns when he is stressed, not bathing for a week at a time, refusing to sleep in his room - I could go on. Have called the police & ambos many times but they always declined a DVO on my behalf- He doesn't drink or take drugs.Sometimes he really scares me. They say they cannot force an assesment on him. He has all but taken himself off the grid - no proper id or mobile not a single friend. I am confined to my bedroom because every room is now full of rubbish & rats & roaches. My father was desperate to help me & gave him fair warning that if he didn't clean up within a certain time frame he would do it. My father made good on the promise - I told my dad about how obsessed he was with his "stuff" but I came home to find he had dumped everything & he spiraled into a complete meltdown- screaming, wailing, abusing 24 hrs a day.. I was so desperate, that 4 days ago that I took a civil DVO but the police have still not served it despite me calling them. I'm so distraught because he has nowhere to go & my family will help him anymore. Now, I am depressed & anxious - I no longer have a permanent Dr & it is all med centre Drs who tell me to lose weight & exercise (which I do) but don't hear me out about my son, They offer me 1 day off work & cannot get any proper time off work & cannot afford to lose my job (my employer is not very supportive) & am in a financial hole from yrs of trying to deal with this..My physical health is failing.I am almost estranged from my other child as he wants me to choose a child. I am just so frightened for him but have tried every mental health & legal ave.Am physically ill with worry about what will happen when I throw him out. My cousin died alone when his parents stuck to tough love due to drug addiction & it haunted & broke them. He will not survive out on the streets - he has no coping skills. I feel so cruel but I am struggling to want to wake up every day.

My partner has anxiety and feelings of no self worth.

replies: 8

Hi,recently my partner and I started experiencing major issues in our relationship which led to arguments and eventually he told me the only way we could sort it out was by one of us moving out. So I did. He said he felt worthless and that he didn't deserve me. We have been separated for 2 months now. In the last few weeks he has sought help from a psychologist. I think this is a great step and I'm proud of him. But in the meantime I am stuck. I'm living intemporary accommodation with a pending move on the horizon. I feel unsettled and really just want to go home. He says he isn't ready. He experiences anxiety just thinking about it. He says he needs to fix himself so we can be better. But not yet. I have suggested spending nights together sometimes but he says it makes him to anxious. I feel like he is pushing me away. We see each other once or twice a week but there is no intimacy in the relationship. He has said that he wants to be better or on the road to being better with strategies to cope with his problems before we can really be together again. I understand this, think it's rational but it makes me so angry. I've stressed that I just want to be involved in helping him but I don't understand how he expects to fix our relationship without involving me. I just feel further and further away from being part of it. I have suggested breaking up but he says he doesn't want that. He gets so upset. We argued last week and he self harmed. I'm tearing my hair out trying to work out what to do. But I don't want to stress him out further. I love him, I want to be with him but I think he's pushing me away whilst trying to keep me on a long string, not intending for us to be together properly again. I am angry. He also cancels plans to meet up on me all the time, which makes me furious. All we ever do is spend an hour or 2 together talk a bit and go our separate ways. Nothing gets resolved. I want to know if anyone has had a similar experience and how they coped with it. My anger towards this situation is getting worse and I just don't know what to do. Thanks beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Newly Wed thinking it's never going to stop! replies: 4

Panic attacks. Alternative treatments/ therapists?? replies: 3

How do I support my boyfriend who has depression? replies: 3

Medication induced panic attacks and anxiety disorder replies: 1

Please help replies: 3

Helping my partner replies: 1

should I talk to hubby's family? replies: 2

How do I help my friend? replies: 18

What to do when somebody refuses point blank that they have a problem? replies: 3

My partner has anxiety and feelings of no self worth. replies: 8