Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Teenage daughter with anxiety who has anger outbursts

replies: 1

I have a 16 year old daughter who is seeing a psychologist for anxiety. It seems to be helping...When she is feeling anxious she without warning gets into a rage and becomes verbally very abusive. At the moment my husband is very stressed at work so he is finding our daughter's outbursts difficult to handle and unfortunately is not helping calm the situation, and he is getting very angry also. My daughter says or rather screams very hurtful abuse -which after the event I know she doesn't mean- but during an attack I am getting very upset and feel so alone. I know how stressful the last years of school can be, I'm just hoping someone has been through a similar situation and can tell me how they coped. Thank you

loved one

replies: 3

Hi all, my loved one of 2 years often experiences episodes of anxiety and self-doubt. These episodes are often at their worst when there is a change in routine and especially when I am not with her. Just the other week, I had one of my best friends birthdays of which was an all-boys affair. At first she seemed fine with me being away from her but once I was gone she became very distraught. She was reliving past experiences that are at the root of her anxiety to the point where she felt ill. Obviously I left the event as soon as I could ( I was away for about 2.5 hours) to be by her side as all I want to do is make her happy as she means the world to me. I have always made the upmost effort to make sure she is involved in as much of what I do as possible. For example, I recently was in London on a business trip which I got her to come along to. However as we all know there will be times in the future when I can’t involve her in everything I do. I plan on being with this girl forever and I want to make these times are as less frequent and difficult for us both. Do you have any suggestions on being able to handle these situations?

Trying to understand, what do i do?

replies: 4

This is my first time posting. My wife has battled with depression for as long as i have known her, lately it has been getting worse so much worse that is affecting our marriage and our 3 year old son. As all couples do we have small arguments every now and then but they are beginning to become more frequent and she is starting to snap at everything with both myself and our beautiful boy. I have tried as hard as i can to be understanding but it is very hard not knowing exactly what she is going through. I tell her that i am here for her but she doesn't believe me and wont talk to me about her issues/feelings. I have mentioned to her numerous times that i am concerned about her health but she just keeps saying "stop using my mental health against me" i have told her that i will help her in anyway i can but i feel she needs to see a professional. She keeps pushing me away what can i do to help without offending her before it ruins our relationship completely. Please help

How to help somebody who can't see they have a problem

replies: 1

I've never done this before but myself and my whole family feel pushed to the brink at the moment. My father has always had a drinking problem, even as a child I can remember he'd have a few cans of beer every night after work. In the past few years though this has definitely escalated, he put a tv in the garage and would sit out there every night, isolated from the family, most times not even coming in to eat dinner with us, he'd just hide away in the shed and drink while watching tv. This became the norm, and even though we all knew he probably drunk more than he should we sort of just accepted it... Occasionally he would have a blow up over stupid, irrelevant things like the dishes not being done & a messy kitchen when he finally comes in from the garage into the house. These blow ups would become more frequent, always after he'd had especially too much to drink, and although they were never physical, i'm very aware they would classify as emotional and mental abuse, particularly towards my mother and I. I can't help but feel a loathing towards him and his drinking, even though the vast majority of the time he was a kind and loving father. Many times my mother has threatened to leave him, but feels trapped with what would happen to the house and how she could possibly support herself and her two children on her own. After these confrontations and discussion him drinking too much he would slow down on the drinking for a couple of days and be really loving and overly happy, but it would all end up back in the same place again with another blow up in a few weeks or months. About 6 months ago he was made redundant, and since then has only been helping out a friend with a painting business and earning less wage than myself as a 20 year old employee at a supermarket. The drinking has upped even more since then and on saturday he had a confrontation with the neighbours over loud music at their party, he went over highly intoxicated and got assaulted violently. It was absolutely horrific seeing him battered like that. My family is just at a whits end, he's admitted that alcohol is the only 'vice' he has and I just don't know what to do as it is clear to all of us he is depressed. I just don't see him ever admitting to that and getting help, or letting us help him as he shuts us out so dismissively. My heart breaks as I can see the toll the strain has on my mother and sister as well as myself, but I just dont know what I can do to make the situation better.

Needing advice

replies: 1

Hi, this is my first time writing on the forum but really hoping for some advice. My partner of 3 years was diagnosed with depression about a year ago. He doesn't have it severely but will have a depressive episode probably once every two months, because of this he isn't on any medication and his doctor is trying to work with him through it. His depression often is caused by feeling inadequate and concerns that he doesn't treat me right and i will leave. Having said that he is the most amazing person I've ever met and love him deeply and have no intention of ever leaving him. However, recently (while not having a depressive episode) he snapped at me… it didn't lead to a fight, i just said i didn't appreciate being spoken to like that. This caused him to feel horrible and apologise but it has sparked a depressive episode. I don't know what to do, I know that a healthy relationship must be honest and open when things like this arise but i can't help but feel guilty that this has caused him to feel so down. I hate seeing him like this, he deserves so much happiness. My main hope is someone can help me for the future, so i know how to act when something like this happens. I know every relationship will have disagreements but how do I deal with this when I'm so scared that it'll spark his depression, but at the same time I want to be open when something has upset me and vice versa? Thanks so much in advance!

Newly Wed thinking it's never going to stop!

replies: 4

I married my husband 2 weeks ago the love of my life father to my kids but every day is also a struggle! he is depressed and suffers from anxiety and admits however refuses to get help he won't talk to anyone he won't get medicated regularly threatens suicide. i can't help feeling it's me that makes him thT way he is happy to "pretend" infront of others but I am usually so upset and hurt I find it hard. tonight I told him I feel like we shouldn't have got married as I feel like I married his condition not him and his condition is something I can't love the way I love him. we have 2 young children both work full time but my life is consumed with down points and not knowing how to deal with him - I am getting to the point I feel like all my happiness has been torn Away like he can't even be happy to have me there. i try so hard to support him but between running a household working ft and keeping things as normal as possible for our kids I am starting to feel lost myself and not knowing what is right from wrong.

Panic attacks. Alternative treatments/ therapists??

replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I am not sure where to start! My husband had his first panic attack about 10 yrs ago, seemingly triggered by a stressful event. Since then he has had one or two a year sometimes going for two years with nothing. Not on any medication or treatments for it. They have recently begun to get worse and effect his and our family daily life. Dr is keen to start trialling medications and has no suggestions as to alternative treatments as he believes meds is the first option. I would like to start at a Psychologist or Psychiatrist first to get there assessment/input? There must be other solutions? Never had any experience with this and don't know anyone who has.Thanks

How do I support my boyfriend who has depression?

replies: 3

Hello, My boyfriend is suffering from depression and its breaking my heart to see him in SO much pain. I know that men and women have different needs of support in this situation. I'd really appreciate some tips on how I can best support him as somet... View more

Medication induced panic attacks and anxiety disorder

replies: 1

Hi all, first time here but have done a lot of helpful reading. So I'm hoping you can help me more. My mum is 72yo has a history of panic attacks following a care accident. This has been well controlled for some 15 plus years on AD. NOV 2014 she was admitted to hospital for a major stomach operation. While in hospital her usually well controlled high blood pressure, got way out of control. For this she was put on a beta blocker. Post discharge she developed high level anxiety and panic. It was decided by the dr that this was a side effect of the anti hypertensive. So she was weened off it. She was also put back on her normal AD meds that she hadn't been having. So that's the back ground. She has now lost 10kg from no appetite and complains of feeling full all the time with out eating. She has repetitive panic attacks and anxiety and panic attacks. I have had her to the emergency dept one night when she was in a frenzy. They did not admit or treat her. Her gap is monitoring her. My 74yo dad is caring for her and I do as much as I can. Both of them refuse to let me cook for them or help. I'm the only child and beside myself. I slept over there last night to give dad a break. But he is heading for a breakdown himself. Mum is pushing everyone away, doesn't want to msg on ph or talk. She pushes away any form of affection. Just lays on bed in a dark room. She doesn't want to talk about anything. She only sleeps for a few hrs when she has taken her prescribed long term sleeping tablets. She acknowledges what is happening to her, but when suggestions are made she says she just can't. Eg eat, go to dr, or anything we feel may bring her some joy. She says she feels like a good cry but isn't able too. She doesn't like conversing as she says it's overwhelming. I know she needs to see a professional in this field. But I don't know how to get her to do anything. Every time I suggest she makes an excuse or just cuts dad and I off. Refusing to talk. How on earth can I get her to do things , such as seeing the dr. I use a very soft supportive tone and don't push her in anyway. I don't want to make her worse. Any advise gratefully accepted. Thank you.

Please help

replies: 3

I don't know where to start, we have been married for 10 years this year, have 3 children. I stay at home and care for my nan who is 90. Our son has learning difficulties. My husband has been diagnosed with chronic depression. He spends all day in bed, I get up at 7am and get our kids off to school, I work in the house and around our farm all day then pick the kids up at 2:30pm. All of this time he is in bed. He is on multiple medications. He sees a psychiatrist. He cannot stand it when our kids fight, he starts screaming and yelling at them to shut up. He doesn't bother to help me with them anymore. I am doing everything and it has been like this for over 2 years. I can't cope anymore and I feel dead inside, I have told him and told him to help me, even just helping me get them to school would be great. We go nowhere. He has lost his job. He has threatened suicide on multiple occasions. I don't know what to do, this is not healthy for my children or me, if I leave and he kills himself then what? If I stay and it keeps going like this I will be ground down to nothing. He was my rock, someone I could depend on, now I have no one I can depend on. Nothing I say or do is good enough.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Teenage daughter with anxiety who has anger outbursts replies: 1

loved one replies: 3

Trying to understand, what do i do? replies: 4

How to help somebody who can't see they have a problem replies: 1

Needing advice replies: 1

Newly Wed thinking it's never going to stop! replies: 4

Panic attacks. Alternative treatments/ therapists?? replies: 3

How do I support my boyfriend who has depression? replies: 3

Medication induced panic attacks and anxiety disorder replies: 1

Please help replies: 3