loved one

[simmo89]

Hi all, my loved one of 2 years often experiences episodes of anxiety and self-doubt. These episodes are often at their worst when there is a change in routine and especially when I am not with her. Just the other week, I had one of my best friends birthdays of which was an all-boys affair. At first she seemed fine with me being away from her but once I was gone she became very distraught. She was reliving past experiences that are at the root of her anxiety to the point where she felt ill. Obviously I left the event as soon as I could ( I was away for about 2.5 hours) to be by her side as all I want to do is make her happy as she means the world to me. I have always made the upmost effort to make sure she is involved in as much of what I do as possible. For example, I recently was in London on a business trip which I got her to come along to. However as we all know there will be times in the future when I can’t involve her in everything I do. I plan on being with this girl forever and I want to make these times are as less frequent and difficult for us both. Do you have any suggestions on being able to handle these situations?

[Neil_1]

Hi Simmo

Thanx for providing this post and also welcome to Beyond Blue.

Firstly might I say that all that you’ve been doing and done for this girl of yours has been great.  BUT, at the same time, you would hope to feel that if an occasion comes up in future, that you want to have a night out (and a night out meaning, you know 6 or so hours – not an all-nighter), that you would be able to do that and not get a ‘mercy dash’ call for help.

My main and first question would be:   what mechanisms for support does your partner have in place for how she is?

Has she sought out gp appointment(s) and possibly a suitable referral on to a counsellor or psyche to assist her with her anxiety and self-doubt issues??   There can be a lot of options that they should be able to provide to her to help her with her anxiety levels and hopefully self-help procedures that she can put into place when need be.  These obviously aren’t an overnight fix and will need to be worked at (as most things in life need to be as well) – but if the ball hasn’t commenced rolling, then now is as good a time as any to hopefully get her an appointment.

I do hope to hear from you again.

Kind regards

Neil

[simmo89]

Hi Neil,   Thankyou very much for your prompt response! In regards to your comment, from what she has told me, she has seen professionals before and has even been on medication but has been off it for a few years now. I think she is worried about going back to see anyone as it will obviously bring up bad memories that are the cause of her episodes. We have also just come back from a trip away where I took her to get some RnR and she is going really well at the moment and Im scared that bringing this stuff up with her is going to put her back into a bad place. How do I bring this up with her in the best way possible?

[Neil_1]

 Hi there Simmo

Thanx for your response back.

A tricky situation continues.

Obviously the most convenient and seemingly easy option is just to let sleeping dogs lie.  No fur ruffled and nothing awoken.  But I don’t believe that sleeping dogs remain asleep – they will wake and when they do, it’ll be with a ‘start’ and will be combined with aggressive barking and snapping.  (What on earth are you talking about here  Neil?  I can hear you say).

Well it appears that you are both worried by the possibility of talking about it will (waken the dog) and bring up bad memories, all the horrible stuff to send her to a bad place.   And yes, this is mostly likely what will happen, but the open talking about it, with a professional who should be able to help out when the bad memories flood back and to provide helping coping skills for when these instances happen.  And as these kinds of things can be an ongoing support measure, hopefully the times spent there will provide a good foundation extra things to put into place for the future.

However, on the flip-side of the coin, by doing nothing, then for perhaps for a lot of the time, things might be ok, but when (and I believe it will be a matter of when) the bad memories come back, each of these times will be incredibly tense and difficult to deal with.

Wow, I hope that I’ve made some sense there.

Neil