Needing advice

[Needingadvice]

Hi, this is my first time writing on the forum but really hoping for some advice.

My partner of 3 years was diagnosed with depression about a year ago. He doesn't have it severely but will have a depressive episode probably once every two months, because of this he isn't on any medication and his doctor is trying to work with him through it. His depression often is caused by feeling inadequate and concerns that he doesn't treat me right and i will leave. Having said that he is the most amazing person I've ever met and love him deeply and have no intention of ever leaving him. 

However, recently (while not having a depressive episode) he snapped at me… it didn't lead to a fight, i just said i didn't appreciate being spoken to like that. This caused him to feel horrible and apologise but it has sparked a depressive episode. I don't know what to do, I know that a healthy relationship must be honest and open when things like this arise but i can't help but feel guilty that this has caused him to feel so down. I hate seeing him like this, he deserves so much happiness. 
My main hope is someone can help me for the future, so i know how to act when something like this happens. I know every relationship will have disagreements but how do I deal with this when I'm so scared that it'll spark his depression, but at the same time I want to be open when something has upset me and vice versa?

 Thanks so much in advance! 🙂 

[Pixie15]

Hi Needingadvice,

Welcome to the forums. Hope you find it useful as I have. It is a good idea to check out the various resources that are available for carers and depression if you have not already done so.

I believe you are correct in what you said at the end of your post. It is not a good idea to give in to your partners emotional response at the expense of your own dignity and self respect. You need to continue to say what upsets you. Even if your partner says you do nothing to bother him. My partner always says that and I find it so irritating because his responses say something totally different. At least now your partner knows what one of his triggers is and has an opportunity to work this through with a counselor if he wants to.

Also try not to become isolated by your partners depression and moodiness. Maintain your own social life. Have some things you really enjoy doing each week and do not feel guilty because your partner can not enjoy them with you.

I am wondering if your partner feeling inadequate is a cause or a symptom of the depression.

Cheers,

Grateful.