Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Unsure77]

All the times I have left it has all been about I'm not leaving with nothing from her. She has taken allot of money from my account when I have left.

i was just going to text for now from pay phone so she knows how much I still miss and love her, I guess until she gets the letter

[Unsure77]

Yeah I have thought of that, she hasn't been overly honest in the past with a lot of things and says she is brutally honest and my self a prolific liar

[Guest9337]

Ok. So assessments again.

text from pay phone, something like, Hello this is Unsure77/realname, I miss you and love you. I have sent you a letter by mail.

What does that achieve? Relative to her just receiving the letter?

She might respond with fear from an unknown sms.

She might respond with a feeling of anticpating the letter.

She might respond by ramping herself up with anxiety, who is this, who is pretending they are ___, I better prepare for another fight with ____, how does the smser know my number?

She might...?

[Guest9337]

Unsure77 said:

All the times I have left it has all been about I'm not leaving with nothing from her. She has taken allot of money from my account when I have left.

That's useful too... Does She still have access to that account?

Maybe you could withdraw your money from that account and Close it.

OR.

You could withdraw all your money from that account, except say $50, or whatever u can afford. And use that account like an olive branch in a sms.

Hi SHE, I have left $50 in our mutual account for you to have if you need, I miss you, I love you, I've sent you a letter. Unsure77.

Maybe add conditionals. I miss you but I am scared of you, I love you enough to try to come back but need to feel safe all the time.

[Unsure77]

I would let her know it's me, then tell her I miss her and love her, but yes it probably will get her anxiety going. And to do it before the letter gets there is me being impatient and hoping she hasn't met anybody else. But because I was the one that walked out would that see me as being manipulative?

[Unsure77]

It was my account, i sent her 100$ yesterday with the description of I miss you so much. I haven't heard anything back though

[Guest9337]

Unsure77 said:I would let her know it's me, then tell her I miss her and love her, but yes it probably will get her anxiety going. And to do it before the letter gets there is me being impatient and hoping she hasn't met anybody else. But because I was the one that walked out would that see me as being manipulative?

Honesty is never manipulation, because honesty is scrupulous...

manipulation = exercising unscrupulous control or influence over a person or situation.

Communication doesn't necessarily exercise control, especially if you are speaking in conditions about both of your choices.

[Unsure77]

I am afraid she will flip it because I know her new number

[Unsure77]

She always called me manipulative but I never once tried to control her or make her do anything, it was always the other way around which I have read and heard that's what can happen with some bi polar people

[Guest9337]

Ok.

How many times are you prepared to feel rejection for extending an olive branch?

Also, every gift can do various things in the negotiation.

On receiving the $100 she might, rethink her position about you/ the situation.

She might, feel like she is being emotionally manipulated.

She might, be very grateful for the cash, but still want no contact.

She might, see how much you want her and decide she has all the power and wants you back to keep DV'ing you.

She might, give the money away to charity because she doesn't want anything from you at all.

She might, ...?