Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Unsure77]

Depends on her mood it could be hi back or what have you been up to who have you been with or even why did you leave. who have you been speaking to or how did you get my number.

[Unsure77]

I would also ask if she is ok and tell her I have missed her

[Guest9337]

In negotiations giving up position for free is believed to be a poor tactic.

So any and all emotions or sorries or apologies all lessen ones "bargaining power".

SHE might think, Ah great you are missing me heaps, I want you back just as things were with me in charge and u submissive! and then SAY "Lets make up."

SHE might think/say, yeh fair enough I'm missing you too, lets ...

How would you ascertain HER intentions?

[Unsure77]

With her saying yeah fair enough I would see that as things aren't going to change and she isn't interested in negotiating moving forward

[Guest9337]

SHE says : "fair enough", U77 thinks she means static position, she's not interested in negotiating forward.

If SHE means what I think "fair enough" means then > Well, actually fair enough is a good position for both of you, because you all get to decide on what is "fair enough".

I think those words are actually an olive branch, implying... I hear you, I'm listening, I accept what you've said.

From there what is the next round of possible communicative sentences?

[Unsure77]

I would also tell her that things need to change and be negotiated for both of us to be happy in order for it to work.

Hope she is interested in doing such a thing.

[Guest9337]

U77. Yep that's all very good stuff.

Tell = change things. Negotiation for mutual happiness. Hope in her interested participation.

By "Tell" you are taking a firm stance on these particular things, and you'll have to define those things really explicitly or increase risk of stress/harm.

Not just, "I need to see my kids." That's not strong enough.

One might say "I need to see my kids, and I will have two phones and you are not permitted to interfere with my two phones or this _________ will happen. I hope we can both agree this is fair enough."

[Unsure77]

I definatley think she would ask if I have been with or spoken to any other women and say I was lying or she didn't trust me without going through my phone.

[Unsure77]

The other thing she may say is you have hurt me so much by walking out again when I needed you.

i listened to that voice recording again today, she didn't even sound upset at any stage, at one stage she even got angry at me wether it was because I was catching her out on what she was saying or because it wasn't going the way she wanted it to go. Don't get me wrong I wasn't being overly informative either and quite abrupt.

[Guest9337]

Certain = SHE ask/demand to check phone, accuse lying.

Maybe something like...

Thank you SHE, i will not accept your preference to go through my phone, I will not negotiate on this. If you are unable to accept my privacy about my phone, then it's all over, thanks for all the good times.

Thank you SHE for telling me you believe I am lying. If you choose to continue to tell me you believe I am lying about this matter, please observe me and my phones vacating this negotiation. Thank you for all the good times, goodbye.

Are a few options.

Every time the other tries to diminish your "bargaining power" reject their attempt as politely as possible.