Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Unsure77]

Ok great options, I guess then see if she contacts again to try re negotiate ?

[Guest9337]

Yeh mate U77. You plan and prepare your strategy for your preferred options, and guess at her options too so you can plan some responses to those.

If I have been helpful and I hope I have, please know you are invited to express such thanks over in my anti-movement thread in the depression section. Don't feel obliged to read it all, but a "hello dng" or more personal words would be fantastic! Fair enough?

Of course I'll keep responding here for you too, U77. thx for helping me think these things through.

[Unsure77]

I will definatley have a look your help has been great

rhankyou

[Unsure77]

Morning dng

i got an email from the daughter saying mum isn't using a phone now because I sent her a message and how dare I say that I love and miss her while I'm off with other women since I left and left her life in a toilet.

i guess they aren't going to like my letter then, I also guess that could be my surley

[Guest9337]

U77, the really nice thing about what we have discussed is that you will take your new set of conditions for mutually beneficial relationship into your "potential" next relationships and be able to both more clearly see your needs under threat and negotiate to avoid that risk fairly, whether the new relationship is with HER or any other human.

So too relationships with ones kids, open their minds to negotiation and timefull caring and options, always presenting options to highlight choices.

[Unsure77]

Thanks dng

just struggling a bit today

[Guest9337]

Afternoon U77, struggle shows how much we are alive, at very least.

[Unsure77]

We have been texting this afternoon but it has all come back to how I wasn't honest with her and how much I destroyed her world

[Guest9337]

Ok, so her position is : U77 lied and destroyed world.

You have a prepared response for HER position about accusing you of lying.

Secondly the world is not destroyed, life goes on, SHE's trying to decrease your bargaining power with those statements.

She might be thinking like this : You destroyed my world, you should feel very bad, but you should take me back under my conditions because you made me feel bad and that would make me feel better.

Does that sound about right?

[Unsure77]

I destroyed her world because she is living in a homeless shelter and I'm not. I wasn't honest with her about speaking to other women when she was in hospital that I didn't even know about but she says we were together. She doesn't know if she even wants to try again. When I said I will leave her alone if she wasn't interested in me she said you always give up as soon as things get remotely hard.

then I made her feel dead inside I didn't give her complete loyalty or commitment.