He loves me, He loves me not???

[Livingdeadgirl]

I'm not entirely sure where to begin so maybe I should start by saying "hi".

I'm the 'new guy' (or girl lol) and I'm here because my boyfriend of 2 years has been suffering from debilitating depression and i'm not sure where else to turn.  B and I clicked since the day we met and almost fell in love with each other instantly. We moved in together after only six months and have lived happily ever after since. That's not to say that we haven't had our problems along the way because we have but we have always seemed to work things out respectfully and together as a team. 

In the early days of our relationship 'B' disclosed that he had depression and explained that it was a condition he felt he had for a very long time or for the most part of his life. I supported him with his disclosure and have been there for him every day since. i did help him seek professional advice from a GP who prescribed him an antidepressant which he has been taking for over 12 months now.  I feel that he is a lot better than what he was but still has very serious and frequent bouts of depression that last for up to 8 days at a time.

In his depressed state he becomes very lifeless and withdrawn, he sleeps a lot or not much at all, has trouble thinking, looses his appetite
 and interest in EVERYTHING including me. This is the part where I struggle the most. He looks at me differently and without the sparkle in his eye. He reports that when he is in this state he is unable to feel love and attraction and our sex life just disappears which is really taking its toll and starting to affect my confidence and self-esteem. When B is depressed i feel like i am laying in bed with a stranger and when he cuddles me in bed there is no connection or passion to the point where i feel like he is just leaning on me. When things are this way I have doubts about the way he feels about me and can never reassure me with any strength or confidence that puts my insecurities and worries at ease. I feel so lost, lonely, rejected, and unloved and don't know what to do anymore. I feel unattractive, undesireable, and unwanted.

I have tried talking to B and he always says that he feels guilty of what he is doing to me and that i am better off without him and that i deserve better.  I love B and want to feel secure in our relationship but it's really hard when he always takes the easy way out by suggesting i should just leave him.

I dont know what to do anymore, i feel so lost and alone and want my man back 😞

[Doolhof]

Hi LDG,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and Welcome to Beyond Blue and the community here.

It is wonderful that you are wanting to be supportive of your boyfriend.

Depression can be a very hard illness to understand for the person suffering from it and also for those around them. I would like to suggest that you do some research and read about depression, then you will understand this illness better.

Maybe your boyfriend needs to return to the Dr to have a review of his medication, has that happened recently?

When your boyfriend is having a good day, you could sit down and chat together and ask him what helps him the most when he is feel very low.

You might be bale to recognise when he is starting to sink into one of his depressive moods and the two of you may be able to put strategies in place so he does not sink so low.

As hard as it may be, I hope you are able to realise that when your boyfriend seems to neglect you, it is not because he wants to hurt you, it is because his illness has taken over and he is unable to act or behave differently at that moment.

Sometimes depression can be over whelming. That doesn't meant that life will always be like that. With help, encouragement and understanding, the two of you can make the most of the relationship you do have.

Once again I would like to suggest that you read up on depression. This site has information, or there is plenty on the internet. Also look up ways to beat depression. Try and find different and fun things that could help your boyfriend out of his depression when it is bad.

Depression is a mental health illness that needs to be understood and accepted like any other illness. You obviously love your boyfriend and he loves you other wise he wouldn't be telling you that you should leave him. That is his depression talking.

I hope this has made sense to you and that together you can work on making things better.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools