Fifty Shades of mental health? A biographic smear on a relationship with 'Grey'

[d-_-b]

I just came home from watching 50 shades of grey with my best friend.. She invited me and I had to admit I was curious, but it turned out to be soft porn if u consider it superficially really... Those who read this may need to see the movie.. I saw it and had not read any of the books at all.. 

One striking thing that really resonated with me was how Ana Steele felt about Grey. She could see exposed bits & pieces of him, though he was very hard, regimented and cold in his approach to life. And he knew exactly who he was (as a sadistic guy who used BDSM as a guilty outlet for satisfaction driven by his traumatic childhood) and he was well aware, and willingly accepted that nothing could change him. Even though he breaks his owns rules for her, and she falls madly in love with him, he is who he is but she still can't see through it & thinks she can handle him but it turns out in the end of the movie she really can't.. (I'm not really sure why she loves him other than he buys her extravagant gifts and takes her on gravity defying joy rides)

But I feel  I can identify with Ana: Loving a man who is well aware of who he is and is sadistic - he gets enjoyment out of hurting ppl. It sounds horrible, but I have accepted that that is the truth about some ppl with mental illness, it makes them feel relief when they are hurting others. Maybe because they know that someone out there in the world feels the same hurt that they feel every day.. I am not sure and my husband never would admit it truthfully, maybe I am completely wrong.. I am unsure whether the author wanted to write about sex, forbidden love or find a really enticing way to educate ppl on the insiders perspective of being in a "relationship" with someone who has a mental illness.. But I don't ever want My husband to see this movie because he will feel horrible afterwards. He would definitely identify with Grey and feel bad because of pain he has put our family through. My husband has never been into s&m but harms ppl in the way of emotional and verbal abuse until we cry or are visibly traumatised and then backs off.. I am scared of him just how Ana is scared of Grey all the time, but she has this passionate, willingness to try and "fix" him and show him her undying love for him.. It's so funny that my take on the film may be totally different to my friend's take on it even though we were sitting beside each other watching the exact same thing... 

[Beltane]

I have read the books, all three of them (they are a series). I refuse point blank to see the movie. People think its BDSM, its not: its abuse.

This is not the forum to discuss bdsm, i will only briefly say that it involves absolute trust and care between both partners- not the abuse Grey inflicts on Ana under the guise of "BDSM"

50 shades of grey is one of the most horrific books i have ever read NOT because of the sexual content (as you said, its soft porn- its hardly shocking). No, its disgusting and deplorable because of the way it romantises and excuses what is clearly and obviously an extremely emotionally, physically and sexually abusive relationship. People think this is sexy, and its not, its abuse.

I'm not sure how toned down the movie is, but you are dead on right that Grey uses his "bad childhood" (he was neglected and emotionally abused by a drug addict mother) as an excuse and reason for his behaviour. He flat out refuses to ever change and is happy that way, he sees nothing wrong with it. He takes a naive, younger, immature woman with no relationship or sexual experience whatsoever and proceeds to completely abuse her.

The books involve several themes that are blatantly abusive:
Stalking- Grey often shows up uninvited at events Ana goes to, eg at a club with friends, where he physically drags her away and forcibly takes her home
Isolation- he isolates her from several friends, refusing to let her see her male platonic friend, and emotionally abusing her and threatening her ("jokingly") with violence when she sneaks out to see him.
Sexual abuse- there is blatant flat out sexual abuse in this book. There are several sex scenes in which Ana is blindfolded and handcuffed and Grey refuses to tell her what is happening despite her requests- this is not informed consent, its abuse.
Neglect/ physical violence: There are several highly disturbing scenes which i will not discuss in this forum, but involve Grey inflicting physical pain (at one point whipping Ana) where Ana is so overwhelmed by the pain she is unable to speak and therefore cant say the "safe word" and he keeps going!!. That scene made me feel sick, it was horrific.

Ana forgives him repeatedly because "he was abused as a child". There is NO excuse for abuse, not even being abused yourself. Spoiler alert: the abuse continues for the rest of the series, they marry and have kids.

The fact that this book is popular, rather than widely condemned for the abusive drivel that it is, baffles me.

[Pixie15]

Hi,

It baffles me to. I downloaded a sample of the book but I really could not get past her falling at his feet through the office door at their first meeting. I was going to go and see the movie because it seems to be going to be talked about a lot. But I have decided to save my money and my time for something I am actually going to enjoy and feel good about afterwards.

I am also more careful about what I put into my head these days. When I was young I would read and watch anything. Looking back I think my ideas on sex and romance were really distorted by the combination of Mills and Boon romance books and Cleo magazines which I consumed as a teenager.

Grateful.