My fiance was diagnosed with severe depression some years ago and was prescribed medication. After a period of time and hating the fogginess it gave him, he went off his medication. We have been together 2 years and he has recently gone back to the doctor after some encouragement from me as I could see him sliding backwards. The medication given this time round whilst taking the edge off also gave him the dreaded fogginess so he has stopped taking these too.
Over the last few weeks this loving and amazing man has once again become a shadow of himself. He has gone from being so loving and affectionate to being so distant. We usually have a wonderful intimate relationship however it has been some weeks since any sign of intimacy and while I try to be mindful and understanding that depression affects so many aspects of his life, it is still very difficult.
When asked last night as we climbed into bed if he realised it had been so long since we had touched each other he grunted and said yep, then when asked if he was still attracted to me he replied he didnt know, when asked if I was too fat he says I dont know, then I asked if he found me sexy he says I dont know.
Now I know I should not have even asked those questions however I am still human, I still want my partner to be attracted to me, I do worry about whether he finds me attractive and his replies do hurt. I know he thinks nothing of what he has said and doesnt say things to deliberately hurt me.
I ask how others handle the rejection without taking it personally, how do you become tougher and stronger, how do you know get lost in the hurt.
I love this man with all that I am, I will not bail because it is too hard, I will not find that desire that I need from someone else. I miss my partner and I feel so lost.
