Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Supporting my partner through darker periods of anxiety and depression

replies: 1

Hello everyone, I am at a loss of how to help my partner at his current state of mind, the past few weeks have seen a large spike in his anxiety and depression to the worst since I met him a few years ago. He had been off medication for a few years, and was unfortunately made redundant at his dream job 8 months ago. Naturally, he went through a low period of time, but after a small holiday to refresh ourselves he went back on medication and I was so proud of him for it. He got a new and better job within days of coming home, and the first few weeks were a struggle but today he loves it. We were long distance for a year, until I became physically unwell ans required a carer so moved interstate to be with him. It was hard, but through this time he was generally positive, upbeat and while he would sometimes have panic attacks, his depression to my opinion and his close family, was almost nonexistant. I have since recovered and recently started working again and love it. However, we are on slightly different work schedules and for the first time in the year of living together Im not their when he gets home everyday, I'm not available for him.to call if he feels a change in his mood coming and I do think it is affecting his perception of self worth, as silly as it may seem. The past few weeks, completely untriggered by anything, he has been terribly down, dissatisfied, easily overwhelmed and what he describes as a fogginess in his head he cant shake on bad days. On average, he calls into work sick once a week, he cancels plans with his friends at the last minute and when home just likes to watch TV with headphones for hours on end. He is completely unmotivated to do simple chorea like washing even when it becomes essential. All of these are totally uncharacteristic of him and have my alarm bells ringing. Weve always been open to talk to each other and support each other if one person is down, but he is so far down at the moment its often like he cant see me because his depression and anxiety is taking over. What can I do to help? I dont know how to help him in this state without being overbearing or risking him thinking I am nagging or complaining. I am at a complete loss...

The saddest thing is watching the one you love trapped in their own sad world

replies: 6

I met my boyfriend only a short 6 months ago and he was so vivacious and excited to fall in love with me. It took me a little longer but I too fell for him. He had a lot of issues to do with finances, friends and the fact that he had just broken up with his partner of 6 years. But there I was ready to take it all on because I believed he loved me. It didn't take long before he started to make errors in judgement and I forgave a lot. Then, even though I was able to forgive and move on, he begun to hate himself more. He turned to drugs.. lots of drugs. Nothing lethal, but he chose to take uppers whenever he was feeling down usually around 10-15 at a time. The come downs would last days and he was absolutely intolerable. Our fights exacerbated and he threatened violence against himself and eventually against me. He would cry a lot, threaten to kill himself all the time, get extremely angry and over react to minor situations and he seemed to take everything out on me. I was the emotional punching bag. Here I was, believing in hope, if he got help he would get better and then it would be amazing. Counsellors referred him on to rehab, to other counsellors and he just gave up. Continued to take everything out on me then take drugs to forget what he had done for a moment. I left him last night, after he threw me out. I so wanted to be there for him and be with him through it all in the hope that he would get better and see me. Instead he just saw me as a nuisance, a reminder of what a bad person he is, someone nagging him to get better. I am completely broken hearted and feel that I have invested so much into something that did not work out. I just want him to be well and happy. I would love some advice on how to move forward, even to not feel alone in this, and not feel like an idiot for how I handled the situation. Is it best for him for me to keep my distance??

Suggestions please?

replies: 4

How do you get someone help if they won't admit they a suffering from depression?

Partner with anxiety and depression

replies: 4

My partner suffers from anxiety and depression. I love him and want to help him but I don't know how. Every time he has an attack he goes MIA. he says he needs to be alone and ensures me it has nothing to do with our relationship. I start to get so upset and it only gets worse and worse for the week that he goes without speaking to me. I don't know what's best, do I let him have his 'alone time' that says he needs, or do I try and be there? I do tell him I am there for him but I feel it's selfish for me to call him when he's told me he needs to be alone. I am at a loss.

New Member - Brother with Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 15

Hello Everyone,I've just become a member here. I'm in my mid 30s and have a younger sister and brother. My brother, a couple of years younger than I; has Borderline Personality Disorder. He has found life incredibly difficult since he was young and we (the family) simply didn't know what was going on. We've had round after round of serious events with my brother, where crisis after crisis have severely impacted his life to the point where he has needed family help. Recently, he seems to have taken a turn for the worse, after a relationship with a woman broke down. He describes being so torn by the breakup and seems unable to completely sever contact with her and so continually seems tormented by this person. As a family member its so hard to know whether to advise him to cut of all contact with this person, or to accept that maybe, with his condition; he CAN'T simply cut off contact. Getting through Christmas was difficult. We (the family) knew he could go off at any time and we had agreed to keep conversations with him mild and let any outbursts go unchallenged, for fear of fueling the fire. Today my brother called me and was in an explosive mood and some perceived wrong I had done him. I feel very guilty about this, but he arced me up and I responded with fire as well. I regret that. He hung up amid a fire of accusations and it left me feeling scared, upset, angry and deeply unsettled. To say this has happened before is an understatement. I'm looking to reach out to others. We as a family are having very limited success getting my brother into ongoing treatment and now it has got to the point where we now need some people to share our experiences with.If there are any families out there living with a Borderline Personality family member, I'd be very interested in forming a social network. Meet up didn't seem to have many such groups, so I thought best to come here. Thanks for your time and if you read this message, thank you for your time and energy.

Caring for my mother and dealing with my depression

replies: 4

Hello everyone I'm new here I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress about 4 yrs ago. This progressed into depression and anxiety. I have gotten help for this and is on going. I moved back in with the parents 2yrs ago to become mum's primary carer as dad can not deal with mum's needs. My other sibling doesn't want to help as good ole Miss Beth can handle it. Sometimes I live day to day and it gets to me. I feel alone, frustrated, angry, sad and very overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for my mum. Dad's health is not the best either but fairs a lot better than mum. I have forgotten to look after the most important person in the world Me. I feel that my depression has gotten worse the last couple of weeks and I feel like a Human-Doing instead of a Human-Being and I'm slowly circling "the black pit of despair", the name I call my depression.

How do I support a depressed partner who has asked I let them go?

replies: 8

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. For as long as we have been seeing each other he has suffered from anxiety &depression. The last 2 years a lot of stressful things in his life have happened and his conditions has naturally worsened for him. During this 2yrs he has kept me at a distance & hasnt wanted to call us exclusive or dating anymore yet we still maintained in all other senses our relationship. He will often go for weeks without wanting contact &found it a real internal struggle to decide if he even wanted to see me in person, however whenever we did catch up he always was glad he did. I have read everything I can about the struggles he faces, I have loved him unconditionally &of course still do & have told him oftenI am accepting of his need for space, his ups and downs & that although I wish him only to be happy, I dont need him to get better for me to want to be in his life. He recently told me he just cant have me in his life anymore (he has said this to me before), he told me he loves me and will miss me but cant take the pressure and guilt of this relationship. He told me I am amazing, I have only ever been the most supportive person in his life and am the only person he has completely opened up to with all his issues but needs me to just let him go. He says that although I dont mean to, the way I treat him (so well and supporting) he feels on a pedestal and cant take that pressure. He doesnt want me to remain in his life, doesnt want to feel like I am "holding out" for him and wants me to move on. He really wants me to completely let go of him. I love him so much that I just want to do whats best for him but my greatest desire would be to be with him and help him through. I told him I will respect his decision and not make contact with him but the door is always open for him to contact me whenever he wants and I will never stop being here for him or loving him from afar. Of course I am completely heartbroken but am staying positive with the thought that by going through this painful time for him, Im helping him. My question is - do I respect what he has asked &never contact again & hope he will one day reach out to me? Or should I try and touch base with him in a couple of months? I just dont want to do the wrong thing by him. I worry if I dont contact again he will feel I abandoned him but I also worry that if I contact him Im not listening to him and may stress him out again. Any advice would be so appreciated.

dealing with my husbands depression

replies: 2

I need some advice to how to deal with my husbands depression, we have been married for 12yrs and have 2 kids. He had a motorbike accident over 7 yrs ago and he was luckily enough to get a second chance at life but he doesn't see it that way andnow he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It has been affected our marriage for the last 5 yrs but lately it is getting worse. I can't seem to do anything to make him happy. When he is grumpy I just leave him be which sometimes could go on for days and it only starts to be good again after I try and fix it by acting that everything is normal. He won't open up and tell anyone what it going on he just bottles it up. I have tried to help him but he sees it as me picking on him or telling him what to do. I am currently contemplating on tell him to go stay with family members as it isn't fair for the kids to be taken away from the environment they know. Is telling him to leave and take time away the right thing to do while he is in a depressed state? I am emotionally and mentally over trying to make it right especially when he does seem to want to make it work. Any advice is greatly appreciated

My mum is suffering from depression & I don't know what to do anymore.

replies: 2

For the last 8 years I have lived away from home and had no idea how bad my mum was suffering from depression. I moved back to my parents home a month ago and the reality of how bad things are was reallyshocking. According to my dad things have been like this for ages "it's just how it is""you can't fix it" "just leave her alone". My poor dad is a little bruised and very unsure as what do, it's been going on so long now I don't think he realises this is not healthy for anyone. I had a chat with my mum & she agreed she was depressed & hated her life & hates my father. She has so much anger & hate not only for herself but everything around her. Her self confidence is shot and believes she can't do anything.It's so sad to see, cause she is a wonderful woman. I did research on phycologist in the area and found a lady I think will be good for her but we could get an appointment till March. Mum had been much better, we spoke about positive thinking & trying to see the good instead of the bad. I thought she was doing really well. Last night she lost it, it was in a second everything changed, she tore into my dad and it was so horrible. I tried to talk to her but feel I didn't help, maybe made things worse. I myself have suffered from severe depression, and have worked so hard to manage and understand my mental health, so that I can enjoy my life. I understand how difficult this is for my mum, but I'm starting to feel useless, the sleepless nights defiantly are not helping.

i need advice i know now i need help but even this is a big step

replies: 1

hi all i need advice i now realizei have needed help for a long time over the last ten years my family has been to hell and back. i quit school at 14 to work so i could help my mum provide for my family so they had food and house to live in. im the youngest of three i felt like it was my responsibility no matter how bad i felt about myself as long as my family were happy it didn't matter to me until now im 26 i have no friends i just split up from my long term girlfriend 3 months ago because im always sleeping,moody and never sleep i get really angry at everyone its like im in auto pilot as im used to for the last 10 years now once i lost her everything is coming back all the things my family got to grieve for while i just took it on the shoulders. the stuff i have seen would break most people and now it has broken me years later. i feel like i cant live anymore with this sense of emotion i would never harm myself as i watch my mums boyfriend do that but some nights i go out by myself just hoping someone would end it and i only come home disapointed. im not sure what to do i have to much pride to see a doctor as say how i feel thats why this is a big step for me i can barely get up to go to work anymore. i can never sleep i get anxious even when i have to go into a family dinner and allmost dont go ive all ways used booze to numb it all i use to drink 1 bottle of bourbon a night now i have 2 beers for the last year and im tired of living this way any advice will help im just more scared of being seen as the weak one when ive always been there for everyone beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting my partner through darker periods of anxiety and depression replies: 1

The saddest thing is watching the one you love trapped in their own sad world replies: 6

Suggestions please? replies: 4

Partner with anxiety and depression replies: 4

New Member - Brother with Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 15

Caring for my mother and dealing with my depression replies: 4

How do I support a depressed partner who has asked I let them go? replies: 8

dealing with my husbands depression replies: 2

My mum is suffering from depression & I don't know what to do anymore. replies: 2

i need advice i know now i need help but even this is a big step replies: 1