Caring for my mother and dealing with my depression

[Miss_Beth]

Hello everyone

I'm new here

I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress about 4 yrs ago. This progressed into depression and anxiety. I have gotten help for this and is on going. I moved back in with the parents 2yrs ago to become mum's primary carer as dad can not deal with mum's needs. My other sibling doesn't want to help as good ole Miss Beth can handle it.

Sometimes I live day to day and it gets to me. I feel alone, frustrated, angry, sad and very overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for my mum. Dad's health is not the best either but fairs a lot better than mum. I have forgotten to look after the most important person in the world Me.

I feel that my depression has gotten worse the last couple of weeks and I feel like a Human-Doing instead of a Human-Being and I'm slowly circling "the black pit of despair", the name I call my depression.

[Zeal]

Hi Miss Beth,

Welcome to the beyond blue forum! You sound like a very brave and selfless person. Putting others before yourself is admirable, but, as you say, you also need to take care of yourself.  I can appreciate how this would be a challenging situation. As you have PTSD, depression, and accompanying anxiety, it's important that your health needs are met too. Has the psychological help you have received been useful? Have you explained your mental health situation fully to your sibling? Having a calm and constructive talk with your sibling about how you are spiralling into deeper depression, and that you feel overwhelmed, is important. Hopefully he/she will listen and maybe reconsider their involvement. If you have already done this and had no luck, then at least you've tried this option.

If you are able to afford it, you could try to find a part-time carer for your mother, so that the responsibility for her care is not solely yours. If this is not an option, maybe you could ask for some assistance from other relatives. Perhaps a friend of yours could be with your mother for half a day whilst you have a break. That would at least give you a little time for yourself.

I hope you are managing alright, and that you can find some respite from the pressure.

All the best,

SM

[Miss_Beth]

Hi SM

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have tired and failed with my sibling. He his are aware of my mental health situation and he thinks since I've gotten help that I'm fixed and that's the end of it. When I do ask for help now, he makes out that I'm crying wolf and "besides its to far for me to travel" as he lives interstate. But he even did this when he lived 1hr from us. Other relatives live too far away as well.

I am looking into respite care through the council's Home Care department and hopefully they are able to help or are able to point me into the right direction with other options.

Regards

Miss Beth

[geoff]

dear Miss Beth, it's a wonderful job that you have undertaken, but it's also an enormous task as well, which we never realise when deciding to become carer, especially when you are suffering from PTSD, depression and anxiety yourself, because as time goes on, it then begins to affect us even more.

I know of some elderly people who put their spouse into respite at a nursing home for a week or even a month, this then gives them time to recoup, so this is what you could find out, however it maybe difficult if mum refuses to go, and can I remind you that they do feel this way to begin with, as they think that we are simply putting them in there just to get rid of them, but this is not the case, it's just to give both of you some breathing space, and after awhile they begin to like going in there, because they meet other people.

I don't know the cost, but I could find out for you depending on which state you live in, as I'm in Vic.

It may only be the daily rate somewhere around $ 38 times the number of days, but don't quote me.

See how you go. L Geoff. x

[Miss_Beth]

Hi Geoff

Thanks for you information. I have not thought about nursing home respite and will look into it more.

Thanks once again

Miss Beth