i need advice i know now i need help but even this is a big step

[amialone]

hi all i need advice i now realize

i have needed help for a long time over the last ten years my family has been to hell and back. i quit school at 14 to work so i could help my mum provide for my family so they had food and house to live in. im the youngest of three i felt like it was my responsibility no matter how bad i felt about myself as long as my family were happy it didn't matter to me until now im 26 i have no friends i just split up from my long term girlfriend 3 months ago because im always sleeping,moody and never sleep i get really angry at everyone its like im in auto pilot as im used to for the last 10 years now once i lost her everything is coming back all the things my family got to grieve for while i just took it on the shoulders. the stuff i have seen would break most people and now it has broken me years later. i feel like i cant live anymore with this sense of emotion i would never harm myself as i watch my mums boyfriend do that but some nights i go out by myself just hoping someone would end it and i only come home disapointed. im not sure what to do i have to much pride to see a doctor as say how i feel thats why this is a big step for me i can barely get up to go to work anymore. i can never sleep i get anxious even when i have to go into a family dinner and allmost dont go ive all ways used booze to numb it all i use to drink 1 bottle of bourbon a night now i have 2 beers for the last year and im tired of living this way any advice will help im just more scared of being seen as the weak one when ive always been there for everyone

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[Neil_1]

Hi there amialone

Thank you for providing your post and I’d also like to say, Welcome to Beyond Blue.

Wow, you’ve sure been doing it tough and doing it tough for so long.   Firstly can I say that you are in no way weak – as you mentioned near the end of your post.  Finishing school at the tender age of 14, to go out to work to help provide for your family is something that not many of us would ever have the strength or courage to do;  and you did that while being the youngest member of your family.   What a load to carry on your shoulders – as you’ve quite rightly written.

And as you say, you’ve been through so much and experienced so much, that everything is now coming back to break you down – and I would suggest this would be largely due to you carrying all these issues for so long and by yourself.

When we experience things internally, they just build up and up, like a pressure cooker and without outside assistance or support, it does become just too much for us to deal with on our own.  It’s too much.  We need to seek out alternative sources of help.   And by you reaching out and coming to Beyond Blue that has been a major positive step for you.  A positive step forward and congrats for doing so.

I really believe that your next big step to take is to seek out the professional help that I suggested above.  On this site, Beyond Blue have a listing of GP’s that can be searched for – the thing with these GP’s is that they are all experienced with helping people with mental health issues;   and so within that appointment they would be best advised on the next beneficial step for you to take.  Be that a referral for possible medication to help or for a kind of counselling that would be suited personally to you and your situation.  The important thing to note in going to such GP’s is that they will take your issues seriously and will be genuine in their concern for you and advice they provide to you.

Which is very similar to anyone coming to this site – we (as fellow sufferers) try to provide help through giving advice and suggestions, usually through going through similar things that we’ve experienced before;  and we provide support as well;  and above all else, not one person who comes on this site is ever judged. 

I hope I’ve been able to provide something of use to you above and I really do hope to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil