My mum is suffering from depression & I don't know what to do anymore.

[Back_Home]

For the last 8 years I have lived away from home and had no idea how bad my mum was suffering from depression. I moved back to my parents home a month ago and the reality of how bad things are was reallyshocking.

According to my dad things have been like this for ages "it's just how it is""you can't fix it" "just leave her alone". My poor dad is a little bruised and very unsure as what do, it's been going on so long now I don't think he realises this is not healthy for anyone.

 I had a chat with my mum & she agreed she was depressed & hated her life & hates my father. She has so much anger & hate not only for herself but everything around her. Her self confidence is shot and believes she can't do anything.It's so sad to see, cause she is a wonderful woman. I did research on phycologist in the area and found a lady I think will be good for her but we could get an appointment till March. 

Mum had been much better, we spoke about positive thinking & trying to see the good instead of the bad. I thought she was doing really well.

Last night she lost it, it was in a second everything changed, she tore into my dad and it was so horrible. I tried to talk to her but feel I didn't help, maybe made things worse. 

I myself have suffered from severe depression, and have worked so hard to manage and understand my mental health, so that I can enjoy my life. I understand how difficult this is for my mum, but I'm starting to feel useless, the sleepless nights defiantly are not helping.

[Neil_1]

Hi there backhome;

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for sharing this post – a most difficult and emotional one for you, regarding your Mum.

I’ve pulled out a big positive from your post and I hope I’m right with this – in that you sought out a possible psychologist in your area and ok, you can’t get in till March;  BUT is your Mum ok with this and is she willing to go along to the appointment?   If that is true, then that is definitely a positive sign.

However, it must have come as quite a shock to you when you saw the latest incident where things went very wrong, very quickly.   I do hope things have settled down a bit more since you first posted.  But it sounds like your Mum is at the end of her tether and really needs to be seeking out professional help sooner, rather than later.  

I just wonder about the psychologist that you’ve found – as in, (a) do you need the referral from a GP to see them?   (b)  will it be badly expensive if you’re just coming to see them “off the street”, so to speak, as opposed to getting a possible referral from a GP?   (c)  after the initial appointment, is there then scope for more regular appointments without the long waiting time?    With regard to (c), that is an important one, as the follow-up appointments are hopefully in a reasonable time-frame, so the psyche and your Mum can get a kind of ‘roll-on’ effect;   otherwise with a delayed next appointment, too many things have the likelihood to change.

I’ll send this now to you and I do hope you can get back to us.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Back Home, this is a very stressful comment for your mum as well as yourself as it seems it has been going on for a considerable amount of time, and has now broken up the marriage, which is really nobody's fault, depression and no support for her has done all of this.

Maybe I can explain why this could happen, when a married couple have been so for quite awhile, and one spouse becomes depressed, for what reason could be open to discussion, but the person suffering from depression automatically shuts down and won't communicate with their spouse, then the barrier between them has been raised, so some amount of hostility begins, which then leaves them not communicating or having any interaction, and this is what has happened with your mum and dad.

It's great that you have come to this site, and helping your mum can only be taken on a daily basis, and I wonder whether she is taking antidepressants (AD).

There are three people involved in this now, your mum, dad and yourself, so the situation has to be taken in a joint way, but I'm not too sure that your parents want this. Geoff.