Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Depressed Husband leaving young family, all my fault.

replies: 6

Hello,I've never experienced depression myself, so im finding it very hard to understand what my husband is going through and whether or not its actually depression or whether its truly how he feels. He was diagnosed with depression approx 3 months ago, he did not go back to the Dr's for review despite the Dr requesting that he does. He has been drinking, not heavily but enjoys a few beers every now and again. Christmas Eve he absolutely lost it, we usually go through this every 6 months which is the same old complaints from him, but no solutions. We otherwise have a great relationship that needs to be worked on like all marriages. (none of my issues gets address just his) We have a 9 month of girl and i am 11 weeks pregnant, on Wednesday morning we got into an argument as i am tried, exhausted of his negativity, my own happiness is suffering and also my needs are not being addressed by him at all. He said he wants a divorce and he as made his mind up and that that, he did become physically violent which i have seen previously but not to this extreme. I called the police but did not lodge a statement and i felt that was the only thing i could do. Its all my fault, he doesn't want to resolve it we went to a counsellor some years ago (approx 4 times) and clearly that hasn't done anything. He's not happy, he doesn't get his own time, he doesn't want to talk to me he doesn't want any relationship with me. He just wants to say hello and goodbye when i drop of our daughter. He is not willing to work on the marriage he is done. I told him im not going to make any decisions as this is too important to my family and my children despite him pushing me for an answer as to where i am living. He has packed up his belonging and rented a storage facility. He wants me to give notice to our investment property and sell all the assets. I find myself continually switching between he has a mental illness and is not medicated and he actually might not be interested in having a family together anymore. Everything was fine up until wednesday morning, and this was completely out of the blew but his negativity and anger has increased over the last 2 1/2 years. He can also be extremely pig headed, arrogant and stubborn. I dont know what to do, i deserve better, but he doesn't think he has a problem and he is not willing to do anything about the marriage. Its over in his eyes. We have been together 10 years been married for 2 1/2. Do i fight or do i go? Brokenhearted Wife

Lost

replies: 1

Hi.. I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. he developed Depression about 6 months into our relationship. He is seeking professional help and is on medication. His psychiatrist advises me that he will get better but it feels like it has been a long time. When his depression is particularly bad, he tells me he feels he can not take care of me and tries to break up. Is this the depression talking or is this something he really wants? Any perspectives would be much appreciated.. thank you.

Do I run screaming or do I stay and find out?

replies: 1

Two months ago I met a fabulous man who was a fantastic surprise. Amazing and fun until one night he wanted to make it clear he didn't want a relationship. Which at the time was fine, we had known each other 2 weeks and I still wasn't sure of him. However we began to spend a lot of time together up at his new farm which we were outfitting and cleaning together. Two weeks ago we had a large fight over nothing and didn't speak for a few days we appeared to iron everything out and while he was away in Sydney this weekend I got many texts and phone calls telling me he missed me. We have a similar ethnic background so when he began telling me his woes about the weekend I completely understood. Last night we another tiff although this time I didn't argue pointlessly I simply stated that when he thought I was upset I was just being a smarty pants. However once more he has called it off but he did open up and tell me he suffered from depression. My baby sister has been battling this for some time and so she was very helpful in the aftermath. I suffer from mild anxiety and some depression I say mild because I can eventually pull my self out although sometimes I will see a therapist. My question is he and I have just admitted to each other we are more in it than we thought and we adore each other he also quite rightly said he needs to take care of himself my concern is he talks about disowning everyone including me and moving to his farm with just the animals. Also his entire family are out of the state for Christmas and seem completely unsupportive and perhaps blind to his issues. I love him and I want to help or should I just cut bait and run?

Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers.

replies: 13

Hi,I'm new here and have been scouring the forums to find someone in my position. My husband has been recently diagnosed with acute depression with scores between 40 and 49. It has been really hard, heartbreaking, watching him going through this. I saved his life about two weeks ago when I took him a coffee out to his shed at just the right time. That's when he sought treatment, he's started medication and has a psychologist and has to check in every day with his amazing GP.We have three children aged 4-11 and he's been ordered by his health professionals to move out as they are a pretty big trigger. Not because they are bad kids, but because even when they are happy and playing he has break-downs that he can't emerge from. It has been really challenging but I had been helping him as much as possible until he moved out yesterday; staying up with him till past 3am every night, holding him (and the tissues) when he can't stop crying - reminding him, when he breaks down about Christmas, that there is no Christmas, just tomorrow - one sunrise at a time. I'm pleased that he's gone, for his own health, although I miss him. I guess what I would like to know is how I can help him from afar. It's really important that he knows I'm here if he needs me, even if it's just crying over the phone. The problem is: he doesn't understand why I care when he's torn our family apart, and is (in his words and head) a complete stuff up. I just want him to get better. I'd rather our kids have an absent father than a dead one. If there's any advice anyone has to offer I would really appreciate it. Thanks for listening.

Don't know what to do

replies: 1

My husband has been telling me he is depressed for the last 6 months. He won't go to work or do anything. We have our on business and he is the only one that works in it. He won't answer phone calls for the business. I work full time at my job and I am struggling to get bills paid and he doesn't even seem to care. Christmas is around the corner and I don't have one present. I have 5 children who ask me all the time what's wrong with dad. It has broken my love for him and I feel like I am not doing the right things for the children. Every time I am alone I just seem to cry. I don't let the kids see me like this. Please help SIMILAR THREADS My husband's depression is destroying our marriage His depression has destroyed our marriage Living with a depressed partner for 10 years Husband refusing to seek help Husband with depression spiralling out of control Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers

Get me out of here!

replies: 1

I've looked after my daughter who's gone through a tough time over the past 6 years. She's nearly 22 now. We've battled eating disorders, depression and so many ups and downs most days I never know what kind of mood to expect. However, great news, we found some answers last week which helps solve some problems. She has dyslexia and glandular fever.However, I am so drained and feeling low myself, I think I'm on the verge of a break down. While daughter has been going through depression, we have had an estate being sued which halted out business for 4 years. The nasty fellow, my husbands brother, who sued us (and lost) stalked us and threatened our safety in the tiny town we lived in, so we left our home and careers and moved interstate to start over.in short, it's been tough. The jobs haven't been great, and we have shifted several times to the point we are now getting rid of all our possessions and shifting into a caravan so we can follow work around. ive tried to be a pillar of strength for my daughter, and have also supported her financially. But I don't think I can take too much more batterings. I feel very fragile and want to curl up in a ball and stop the work bothering me.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

We don't have much money, can we get help?

replies: 2

Hello, This is my first post and I would really like some information from those in a similar situation. My partner and I have been together for almost three years and he has been depressed the entire time, infact we got together in the first place because he needed someone to talk to! He tried going to see a GP over two years ago and they made him feel worthless and pathetic and basically said come back in a year if you're still depressed. Consequently he won't go back to another GP. I've tried encouraging him on several occasions but he always has a reason not to, it will cost to much, I don't have time, I don't want to talk to anyone, the drugs probably won't work anyway, so I really need to find out what to say in response. We have just moved to Aus from England so I don't know what is and isn't covered on medicare. I would be really grateful for any information, guidance or stories from others about what is available and what I can do. I feel like I don't know the real him and I don't know how much longer I can stay if something doesn't change and I feel horrible for that. Thanks in advance

Relationship with Aspergers! Advice?

replies: 1

Hi All Seeking some advice for others about how I can approach my situation. Ill fill you in. I have suffered from depression, ADD & mania most of my life, you know the hyperactive kid!. I lived with it until i met my girlfriend. After 8 years of hearing her call me "energiser bunny" and telling me how anxious i make her feel, of her making me feel defective for my bouts of mania and craziness, and let me be clear I find being me really hard sometimes and also writing this down makes me think "why am i with her?" - we have 3 wonderful children who i love with all my heart. Anyway, she has suffered from severe depression all her life and now has been diagnosed with Aspergers/Autism and guess what, i am now supposed to accept her personality and adjust how i deal with her. All these years my personality has never been considered or understood, I was expected to medicate myself to the point that i had so much medication i felt out of body & slow.. Now i am expected to accept her condition & they way she thinks. I'm glad in way that I know now why she is such a "difficult" person, but that still doesn't make it easy to have my self-esteem at record low levels over the past years!!!! I don't think this it fair that i am again the person who has to adjust, i really don't, and my depression and sense of worth has been shattered. I find myself doing what she should have done and researching the condition and trying to work with it. I'm no angel, but i guess i feel cheated that she has tried to change me and now i have to change ME again. I don't want to abandon the situation, my life as a kid was full of that! I need some advice from anyone else who has a Aspergers person in their life who can help me out.

Feeling let down

replies: 2

i have been the cater for my husband who was diagnosed with anxiety approximately seven years ago. We worked with the dr and psychologist. He was put on medication and learnt to deal with his anxiety. last year after dealing with a few issues he was in a depressed state. His medication was changed to deal with this. April last year my daughter had been self harming, bulimic and also suffering depression. We eventually found an adolescent psychologist for her and she was put on medication. This year however she made a couple of suicide attempts. This was the straw that broke the camels back with me. I could no longer cope as the carer and found myself talking to a psychologist who helped me immensely to work through these issues. I learnt to let go of the guilt and realize my daughters actions were her own and not something I should take the blame for. after getting myself nearly back on my feet my husband unbeknown to me took himself off his medication as he thought he was better . Two weeks after he went away with a group had a massive meltdown he returned home to be diagnosed withsevere depression, anxiety and stress. This in toll has pulled the rug from under me again. He relies very heavily on me when in these states. He returned the quiet loving person I knew nearly twelve months ago. Within four weeks he had returned to the aggressive abusive person I had been dealing with for twelve months. After four weeks I could no longer cope and went away for time out. On returning it hit me. after research we found it was his medication. after talking to his dr immediately he was changed and returned to the person I used to know. i now however am bearing the scars. Trying very hard to move on but need help. I have explained to him at the moment I need reassurance and a bit more time from him. Something he is not willing to give. He is self employed and busy. I appreciate he is busy but it is a family business and we have workmen that can do the job also. But he is not willing to have the time off when I have days where I tell him I need him. This has left me feeling very alone and distraught. I have been told by him that he doesn't want to get into giving me too much time as I will expect it all the time. I don't know where to go from here as I feel I've helped him so much in the past and now he's not there for me. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Being pushed away

replies: 7

I was with my partner for 9 months.Everything was fine for the first 6 months.She has been diagnosed with 'Manic Depression' for 5-6 years.She was on meds at age 18(shes now 23).She doesnt want to go on them now as shes scared it will 'take away the little piece thats left of her' yet she often would tell me she doesnt know who she is anymore.She often told me i was her 'savior' and the 'one consistent thing in her life' and would see me every day.She would often try and make me feel guilty if I did not.I think I was part of the reason she sought help with her first psyc 5 months ago.She had 8sessions.Unfortunately,the psyc told her she was ok and had enough 'strategies' and support from me.I though this was a bad move but tried being positive.Few months passed and fights turned nasty and into threats of self harm.She would constantly tell me all she wanted from me was 'love and affection'. She has had a hard upbringing and an unsupportive family but I cant help but feel she has pushed them out as opposed to the other way around like I got told.She broke up with me about a month ago as a fight got misinterpreted and she thought i had 'manhandled her'.I was simply trying to hold her and calm her down as she was trying to self harm.She sent nasty messages,told me I 'preyed on her because she was vulnerable and needed love'. 2days later she asked me to call her because she 'missed my voice' this turned into a meet up.During those two days she had a fight at home and left. She still sent nasty texts to me 'you never loved me, im so stupid i didnt see that you were an image of what i thought i wanted'.I pleaded with her saying it wasn't true.When I finally felt defeated I said I'll have to accept your thoughts and move on.suddenly her words changed to 'see, you dont even fight for us,your so quick to leave when it gets hard'. Recently she had an episode and I copped a lot of verbal abuse and sat there and did nothing.I left and said it was over.I got nasty txts saying i did her a favour as she was scarred to leave me because she thought she wanted me but she doesnt and id appreciate if you dont reply etc. I have not replied and Im not sure whether I should.I care about her and want her to know that but afraid if i contact her too soon it'll push her away even more because she is still in a negative mind frame.Dont want my silence to be her power if her though process is' shes not replying. Left in hard times again. 'Any suggestions?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Depressed Husband leaving young family, all my fault. replies: 6

Lost replies: 1

Do I run screaming or do I stay and find out? replies: 1

Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers. replies: 13

Don't know what to do replies: 1

Get me out of here! replies: 1

We don't have much money, can we get help? replies: 2

Relationship with Aspergers! Advice? replies: 1

Feeling let down replies: 2

Being pushed away replies: 7