dealing partner who has BPD and my own depression

[celticweirdness]

Finding it really hard to keep supporting my partner who has borderline personality disorder on top of my own depression and anxiety........

the mood swings, the anger outbursts, the manipulation is ripping us apart and when we try to talk within seconds its all about her again and i get left to swallow all the feelings and make it ok for her.

How do people do this long term? its been 4yrs now and its not getting easier, she says she wants help but i dont trust in even that anymore..........she sees a counsellor but i dont think she is honest with her.

my partner has diabetes and eye issues from high sugars, recently she stopped taking any of her meds or insulin, self sabotage as she described it when i pinned her down for an answer............now she is not testing her sugars again and lying to me about it, flat out lies then gets upset when i catch her out.....

i dont know how to keep going, i love her and our life together but how long i can keep going i just dont know.

anyone got experience of dealing with a partner with borderline personality??? 

thanks

[dougall]

Hi I do not have experience with this.  My husband had to deal with my anxiety and he too used to appease me, annoyed the you know what out of me.  Sometimes you have to be honest to yourself and your wife, you are not doing her any favours by lying.  My husband was an enabler, I drank to ease my anxiety, always had a problem with drink even before the anxiety.  I always asked him to be honest with me, he couldn't, he kept his feelings bottled up and then one day he had enough and left.  We went to a counselor for 12 months prior things improved then bang he left.  I don't know if this is helping but the only way you can help your wife is to be honest and let her know how she behaves affects you terribly.  It is hard to live with someone who has a mental illness and it does not matter how much we love then sometimes we need more than love to make the relationship work.  Have you seen a counselor for yourself they might be able to give you ideas on what to do.