Family member suffering from anxiety and depression

[d_93]

Hi all,

This is my first post so i don't really no where to start or what to expect. I'm a mild anxiety sufferer who takes medication on a daily basis to keep it all under control. Anxiety and depression runs in my family. My sister suffers from depression and my mum has been living most of her life with psychotic anxiety and depression.

After 20 odd years of her suffering in December last year it got a lot for the family and my mum needed help where she was admitted into a mental health ward to get her help. Medications were changed and she was receiving ect to hopefully help her. Since then she has been in and out of the mental health unit receiving treatment but is still feeling extremely anxious. We have noticed improvements since entering but it's always a bit of a two steps forward one step back kind of thing.

At home it's obvious the affect and impact this is having on us. My father is stressed and concerned, my sister is suffering from more depression and i miss my mum like crazy and just want her back to her normal, happy and talkative self. I feel anxious because i feel like everything is falling apart for us and i just don't want this to destroy our family. I feel so incredibly helpless because we are getting her the best care but she also needs to help herself (keeping in mind it is easier said than done). As this is putting a strain on our family at the end of the day i just want my mum home and back to her normal self. I want everything to go back to normal so i can spend happy times with the ones i love most.

If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice i'd love to hear from you.

Thank you,

d.93

[geoff]

hello and thank you for posting your comment, which is indeed a very sad one, as this brutal depression has affected all your family to an extent where all of you are suffering starting from your mum where her psychotic anxiety and depression has made it's mark on all of you.
As all of you are trying to your mum, maybe with a bit of luck, or maybe it's too difficult to know where to even begin, the effect has worn off onto all of you, which means as you say all of you are suffering, but what you have to do is get help for yourself, and this includes your dad, sister and yourself.
It's not possible to be able to help your mum if you, your dad and sister are not feeling well, this is something that none of you are capable of doing, none of you are not well, so how can you help your mum when you aren't thinking clearly and are unable to control your mood while trying to help your mum, even though you are trying your best, and remember when you are well then you are able to do this, but when you are unwell then it's only mediocre, and I say this with a caring person who is worried about you all.
I don't know whether or not any of you are getting therapy, but if you want to get better then this is what each one of should be doing, and could I suggest that one of you have time out and stay with someone else for a period, away from this pressure, so you then rotate it.
This will give each one of you time to have a rest and while saying this it maybe difficult to come back into the family situation, but just realise that each one of you are rotating and giving them time out to your dad or sister.
This period will be something the three of you agree with. Geoff.

[d_93]

Thanks Geoff, I really appreciate your comment and advice on my current situation. It has been a tough 6 months and going up and down from the hospital is hard. We are trying to get a case worker down to our house to hopefully have some counselling as a family because that is I think something that we need.

Me and my younger sister both have my boyfriend and friends to go to for a chat and just to let out any of our worries whereas my older sister doesn't have any of that so she is finding it extremely hard to cope in the situation.

If only it was as easy as getting my mum back to the person I remember I would want that in a heart beat!

d.93

[RandR]

Hi d.93,

Thank you for your post. Suffice to say your situation is a heart felt one and one that is consumed by the existing 'environment' as there a multiple family members going through a combination of anxiety and depression. Geoff made a great suggestion before about potentially doing a rotation and getting out of the existing environment to ensure that everyone is rested and in good spirits.

I was the one in the family of 4 (mum and two older sisters) who suffered from depression. Something they were all very aware of. One thing that definitely helped me was that my sisters and my mum were also positive and were big on jokes along with giving me inspiration quotes and positive affirmations. They were also proactive in saying 'let's go and do something we've never done before' and that created curiosity for me and broke the head space I was in at certain times.

Recently I dated someone with major anxiety, PTSD and chronic fatigue. Someone who used to have depression dating someone with the above is an eye opener and a half. There were glimpses when my ex was so care free and I could see the type of person she used to be, and just as quick, how she could stiffen up and go from sunshine to stone cold in a snap. i quickly learnt that anxiety sufferers need space, and a lot of it. Smothering compounds the anxiety, well I found that to be the case with my ex. I also learnt not to take things personal and to remove myself from the equation and that remaining upbeat and positive (without being overzealous) was something she adored.

Do you mind If I ask if your sisters have researched or read many articles around both anxiety and depression?

In my experience laughter creates laughter, stress creates stress and negativity breeds negativity. Ultimately I find people will mirror people and feed off the energy of others around them. It sounds like you and your family have the greatest intentions at heart and just want your mum back to her normal self as you put it but understand that it will take some time, a joint effort, trying new things out and being mindful of the existing environment. I hope this has somewhat helped and wish you and your sisters (and mum) all the best 🙂

[d_93]

Hi RandR

Thank You so much for your input, it really does make me think positively and see that with time and hard work we will see things fall back into place. I think that's something that I sometimes lose sight on and don't see her getting better. Maybe I'm being a little selfish by wanting my mum back to 100% sooner rather than later. Being an anxiety sufferer I understand it is easier said than done which is why my full support to get her help is there.

I'm sorry to hear about your issues with your ex and how hard it was to go out with her when you recently suffered depression. It makes it that bit easier when you have support around you and people who love you such as your sister and mum.

My mum is currently out of the hospital receiving car within our community. She wakes up really anxious in the morning then it eases throughout the day, did you find this an issue?

also I read up what I can on anxiety and depression if you ever come across something useful or beneficial pls don't hesitate to send it this way 🙂

[RandR]

Hi d.93,

Pleasure and no worries at all.

I'm glad to hear she is out of hospital and getting care within the community. Waking up anxious? Yes, I came across this with my ex who suffered anxiety. She was always distant and awkward. I had to accept that and just give her space to ease into the day and when she was comfortable she would be more approachable.

Likewise, if you come across any articles you find interesting or helpful please send them my way and I'll be sure to do the same 🙂

All the best and keep in contact. I sincerely hope all goes well for you and the family. Just remember tough times don't last but tough people do 🙂

R.