Does anyone have a partner with Bipolar disorder?

[Kanu]

Hello there. I have been with my wife for 5 years now and she has had her 3rd manic episode since we have been married. This time around was quite traumatic for me so our GP has me going to a therapist, couples counseling and I am on medication. I am such a happy being with many positive outlooks on life but this anxiety thing is quite powerful. I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago but it would only come around when in large crowds and when in the passenger seat of a car with a bad driver. Haha. Now, since this episode, these feelings are heightened and sporadic.

Unfortunately, my partner is now in the hospital getting treated. It is unfortunate yet a blessing for me because I can now breathe and try to become my best self for the both of us. Can anyone give suggestions on how they have handled themselves while their partner has been in the hospital? Thank you in advance and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

[blondguy]

Hello Kanu

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Im very sorry for what your wife and yourself are going through...It would be incredibly heart wrenching. I dont blame you that your feelings/symptoms have been elevated since what has happened.

I understand where you are coming from as I have had chronic anxiety for 13 years followed afterwards with depression (under management and meds) for the next 21 years.

Your health is paramount Kanu and you need all the support you can muster. I really hope you have a good GP or counselor that you can see.......soon. I still see my GP every 4 weeks for a 'tune up' after the years of anxiety attacks and also still having huge difficulty being a passenger in a car....even with a good driver. I also still get anxiety in a crowd situation....and it is awful.

There are many very gentle people on the forums that can be here for you Kanu.

The experts at the hospital will treat your wife with the TLC she deserves. At this stage it is crucial that you reach out to your doc for some support....and then you can be a better carer where you wife is concerned 🙂

We are here too for any support that you need too Kanu. I really hope you can stick around the forums

You are not alone in this difficult time Kanu

Please let us know if you have a doc you can vent/talk too

My kind thoughts for you in this difficult time

Paul

[Cramray]

My wife has bipolar 2 and I think I find the hypomania harder to deal with than the depression. My wife is in hospital at the moment too and I can relate to what you're saying. I was a complete nervous wreck immediatly before she went in because I felt like I was on a 24 hour watch to make sure she didn't kill herself. She would have a lot of trouble getting to sleep despite enought mediciation to knock out an elephant and she would wake up in the night and want to kill herself. I thought about calling 000 but they are really useless, she's been taken to hospital before and they discharge her 2 hours after a suicide attempt. So I tried to just get her through the weekend until I could get her into a private hospital which I was afraid she wouldn't agree too but luckily she did. I do feel a bit more relaxed with her getting some treatment in hospital but to be honest the hospitals are hopeless. The patients see a pyshciatrist every few days and they change medications around then they go back and sit in a room for a few days without enough nurses to properly look after them and no psychotherapy and then come back and make more changes a few days later. My wife was having TMS but she had a seizure (which probably has nothing to do with the TMS as she has lots of them) but now they won't continue the TMS and she's left in limbo again. She wants to discharge herself tomorrow and if that happens I will be back to square one. Earlier today my 7 year old said to me "I don't want to be alive anymore" and although I don't think she's in any danger and it's just something she said it really hit me.

[gld]

Hi Kanu,

I feel it is a great time to get the support you need and find time to centre yourself. Sometimes it could mean giving yourself some time out by keeping visiting your loved one when you are comfortable to do so and not placing pressure on yourself visiting when you are not up to it.

Having a break from things like work, housework and other things that seem to stress or burden me seems to do the world of good for me while my better half is getting the support in hospital.

To find things that we enjoy doing and learning ways to relax after being on high alert is vital to get back on track.

It is very important to look after ourselves by keeping healthy with the right amount of sleep, good diet and exercise as it could have been a little upset before our loved ones entered hospital.

All the best,

Gen

[gld]

Hi Cramray,

How are things going for you?

I feel things become very stressful for family members before love ones enter hospital and it does not hurt to find supports for anyone in the family to talk to someone as it helps get things off their chest as well as find answers for feelings.

Sometimes it helps if you are able to sit in with your wife with her doctor visits if the doctor and your wife permit. Most doctors allow family members to talk to them about concerns and questions.

Cramray I hold onto hope that your wife is able to see hospital is a great place to rebuild her strength in her recovery.

Be kind to yourself and find the supports that you all are able to access.

Gen

[KimberleyM]

Hi Kanu!

My husband has been diagnosed with bi-polar for over 10 years now. He was medically discharged from the Navy after 22 years service as a result of his diagnosis. He suffers from PTSD as well.

I am really struggling in our marriage at the moment. We've been married almost 18 years and we have a beautiful 16yo daughter. Last night we found out that she has been self harming. I was totally blindsided by this as she and I have a very close relationship. 1 night earlier my husband started showing his 'usual' anger signs, losing his temper, breaking things, behaving like a toddler, so I'm guessing his in a manic episode right now but I must admit I never seem to know...just always walking on eggshells in case he 'snaps'

So my daughter and I were both fearful of telling him about the self harm, unsure of how he would react. I had found out from her school late that afternoon and my husband was at work til after dinner time, so I had had the initial talk with her and we had put some strategies in to place. When he came home he was silent and reclusive and when I asked him to come and talk to us he just snapped back. At this stage I was taking deep breaths and trying desperately to remain calm. Amazingly he was calm in front of her.

However after she went to bed, he turned on me. Told me that he guessed I blamed him for this. I calmly told him that was not the case. He kept rebutting me and telling me otherwise. he then blamed me for setting the standards too high and expecting too much from her. Nothing I was going to say last night was going to be right. He refuses to seek medical help saying that they just want to pump him with drugs and talk airy fairy shit. I'm seeing a military counsellor who he says he will go and listen to, but will only do so just to say 'I went' and then tell me they are all talking bull. The only person he would talk to is a very close friend who is a psychologist, but I don't want to involve her because of our personal friendship.

I'm feeling totally lost. Trying to support our daughter in her crisis whilst slowly dying on the inside myself!

As I am sure is the case with most people, there is a whole heap of other stuff going on too, but my word limit is running out.

[gld]

Hi KimberleyM,

Sorry to hear that you are currently going through this challenging time.

You mentioned in your post that your daughter and yourself have a very close relationship, i feel this is a great base to assist your daughter through her current struggle with self harm. Please don't blame yourself for not noticing the signs of self harm as it is usually well hidden.

I feel it is very important for you to look after yourself and daughter to find supports that will help you both, as your husband is not willing to find the support he needs it may need to wait until he feels right to do so. There is a great organisation for young people called Headspace. Beyondblue call line is great to call to talk to someone 24/7 when you are feeling overwhelmed. Youthbeyondblue have some fact sheets on self harm and self injury and i feel you could print them so your husband could read more about it to gain a better understanding on it.

Take care and look after yourself as well as your daughter as this could help you regain your strength to support your husband.

Gen

[Cesca1557]

Hi KimberleyM,
I dont have a partner with bipolar but my dad does have it and I have lived through his manic and depressive episodes for 7 or so years. (he had episodes before that but I was luckily shielded from it enough to not notice)

As hard as it is, please try to talk to your daughter about this. I was always closer to my dad so when he became unwell, I felt like I had lost the person I would normally talk to things about which was incredible difficult. Its a lot of a teenager to take in and deal with.
Dont feel bad though for not noticing your daughters struggles, as someone who keeps most of my emotion inside, I have hidden how bad my depression has been from my family for years. Eventually you do become really good at hiding it, its almost like its second nature (yes i know, its not healthy). But now that you have noticed it, try to be there for her, ask her how she is feeling about everything going on with her dad.
Is he on medication for it? or willing to try to improve his moods and anger?
If your husband isnt willing to seek help, you might need to put you and your daughters health and safety first and try to put some distance between the two of you.
I obviously can not make any judgements or calls about your situation, and I am in no way trying to tell you what you should do, but personally I wish we had moved away from my dad years before we evnetually made him leave. The things that I head, saw and were said to me damaged me more than I like to admit, and I often wonder what would have happened if i had been removed from the hostile situation earlier.

Take care of yourself