My Dad has depression

Kaylie · ‎03-09-2017

Hi, Kaylie here.

I've joined this site to get some insights/advice from people who have been in my situation or are in my situation. I'm 18 and live at home with my Mom, Dad and little sister, going to uni on a daily basis. My family is from South Africa and we have no close family here.
My Dad suffers from depression which up until now my Mom and I have been able to manage but it has been getting more difficult.

He has no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything and then gets very frustrated when he "wastes a day". He is easily irritated and often looses his temper. He isn't interested in a decent conversation and lately its been a lot worse. He's not been himself for a while now, he himself has said he is in a runt, and it's causing the whole house to be unhappy.

We try to make things as nice and happy as we can at home and take on the load, he works late but he often gets stressed at work and comes home ready for an agrument. I must stress he isn't violent.
I know he is struggling as he mentioned but he doesn't like talkimg about himself or his feelings. We've had enought of this as we have reached our limit too, unable to improve anything.
My Dad has never been medicated before that I know of but I also know he isn't the type of person who likes to take medicine, he doesn't even like the doctor. He spoke to someone years ago but said it was a waste of time and money.
This goes in a cycle, happening at least once every 2 months for a week but he seems to get "stuck" in these moods more often. I know he's trying but its not working anymore.
I would like some advice on how to deal with this myself and maybe how to help him? I know someone who doesn't want to be helped can't be but I love him and want what's best for him.

Thank you in advance xxc

white knight · ‎04-09-2017

Hi kaylie, welcome

Its limited to what you can do. If he knew the benefits of a new diagnosis and meds he would go gor it. You can google these

Topic: does stubborness have a place? - beyondblue

Topic: depression and the timing of motivation- beyondblue

Topic: who cares for the carer? - beyondblue

Tony WK

geoff · ‎04-09-2017

hello Kaylie, I was no different than your dad although I had stopped working and self medicating with alcohol so there could be some different comparisons, however I had no motivation to do anything and was in denial for quite a few months.
My two sons and my wife did all they thought they could to help me, but nothing worked so they gave up, in the meantime they were all put onto AD's by the doctor and I remember them changing all for the better, so perhaps this might be a good idea for you, your sister and your Mum to go and contact your doctor, simply because it has been great for all of you to try and help your Dad, but now it's a stale mate situation.
You must look after yourself first and foremost, that's your priority, because if you're not well then you won't be able to help your Dad.
Secondly you need to try and convince him that it would be a good idea to see his doctor and if he wants you can go with him, you may want to google K-10 depression test and just ask him the questions without him knowing what's it for, this may not need to done if you don't believe it's necessary.
Could I also suggest that you ring BB and ask them to send out the booklet they have put together explaining depression, it's very informative and may also help you, your Mum and your sister.
Please get back to us that would be lovely. Geoff.

Kaylie · ‎04-09-2017

Geoff,

Thank you for the quick and helpful answer. Its great that ypu can openly talk about your experiences.

It makes sense that there may be added pressure on the rest of my family, so I'll definitely keep that in mind. Maybe talking to him about how its hurting us he might take it more seriously? Would you suggest family counciling?