Depression and wont help themselves

[Kazaa]

Hello, my 26 year old son is an ex FIFO who has had a traumatic few years with mates. Well he is now living alone with no money and very few friends he can rely on. He is now depressed and I took him to the doctors a fortnight ago and he was prescribed anti-depressants and nicotine patches to stop him smoking, which he wants to do. I try my best not to interfer but I rang him today and asked if he was going back to the doctors and he said "no". I asked why and said he cant be bothered, the same thing applies to going to Centrelink and applying for the dole. Everything is too hard or he just cant be bothered and he keeps talking about guns. This scares the daylights out of me. If I go down and see him get gets agro with me and Im only doing it because I am concerned for his welfare. Very soon he is going to have no money at all and he will be evicted from the house he lives in due to not paying his rent.

Can anyone please offer some advice on what I can do get him back on track. TIA.

[Zeal]

Hi Kazaa,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling with his mental health, due to past traumas. Living alone with depression is often a concern. Is it possible/practical for your son to live with you at the moment? This could help him feel less lonely, and will also ensure he doesn't lose more money in rent. He may not want to, because of his age and other factors, but it is a potential option. I'm glad you took him to see a doctor, and that he has received treatment for depression as well as for smoking. Unfortunately, depression has a massive impact on a person's motivation, emotional state and behaviour. Though your son says he can't be bothered to do certain things, it's truly the depression that's feeding this lack of action.

Here is a great online resource on depression that can complement professional in-person support:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=37

Your son could save helpline numbers in his phone in case he really needs to talk to someone at any stage. Beyondblue's 24/7 helpline is on 1300 22 4636 and Mensline (24/7) is on 1300 78 99 78. These are just two options.

If you would like some general information on depression, you can go to Supporting someone (on the blue menu bar) on the Beyondblue homepage.

I hope something I've said has been helpful!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Kazaa, you are being a good mum ! Even at 26, he needs you. Your gut is probably on to something here and I would definitely be assertive and err on the side of stepping in rather than “respecting his privacy” . I’ve said this before in these forums but I feel that safety trumps privacy and when it comes to potential risks and loved ones… I urge you to risk him being annoyed at you for the sake of possibly saving him.

I don’t know what the situation is with your son but FIFO jobs do have a high risk of mental health issues. Even a brief google leads to articles about this and I have definitely seen this in my practise.

http://www.logichealth.com.au/fifo-mental-health/

So , what to do ? I would take someone with you. A trusted relative or friend. Go over. Be firm. Tell him that his behaviours are concerning you and that you love and care for him and that for YOUR sake you are going to take him back to your house with you for a few days just so he can get a few good meals and some rest and so you can take him back to the GP for assessment.

Explain that you understand your fussing and worrying makes him feels smothered and annoyed but it comes with the territory of being a mum and ask him to please be kind and let you care for him and make sure he’s ok ( for your sake ).

Sometimes if you frame it as YOUR need to look after him , rather than HIS need to be looked after, it can seem more acceptable to a 26yr old.

It sounds like he needs a long GP appointment (check he is taking his medications for a start) , followed by a good supportive therapist and a better daily routine including healthy food , regular exercise and some social interactions.