Not coping caring for mentally ill husband and 3 young children

Melfromthepond · ‎07-11-2016

My husband and I have a 12 week old baby, and a 7 & 9 year old.my husband recently had a psychotic episode, his first one. He hallucinated a horrific motorbike accident and also hallucinated having rape and death threats against me and the kids. This happened over the course of two days and it wasn't until the end of the second day that I realised he had hallucinated everything it was very stressful for everyone as we had believed it all as well.my husband was assessed by psych service and sent home again with meds. It seemed that the episode was a result of him abusing his ADHD medication and combining it with alcohol my husband seemed to be much improved and it appeared that it was just a one off thing. He stopped his ADHD medication straight after the psychotic episode. Then a few days ago he got significantly worse again. Agitated, depressed, talking about voices in his head and how worthless he was. I was very concerned he might self harm I contacted cat team and he saw psych nurse and gp, and admitted to them that he had been secretly drinking again. He has had a drinking problem for a long time. He has repeatedly lied about getting help, as well as hiding his drinking, doing it in secret and lying about it. I am not coping at all. I don't know what is going on with him mentally- whether the drinking is causing it all, or if there is something else going on causing him to drink.i don't have any trust left in him :(I must sound like an awful person but I am so upset and angry with him that he just continues to lie to me.He had finally agreed to get some alcohol counselling, but I know he is lying to his gp and psychologist about the extent of his drinking as he is still in denial that he has a problem. I am crying every day. He is doped up to his eyeballs and it is awful to see, not to mention the loss I feel regarding our relationship and having to cope with 3 young kids. I feel like I am carrying my entire family on my shoulders. I am so sad and worried, yet I can't share any of it with my best friend - my husband.

Nikkir · ‎07-11-2016

Hi Melfromthepond,

Thank you for having the courage to reach out to us with such alot going on, I really feel for you and my heart goes out to you and your family. I can't imagine what you are all going through but it sounds like for you it is just too much and overwhelming, sad, confusing, frustrating and everything else. Wow that is alot to cope with, its amazing that you have had the strength and it sounds like you actually are shouldering the whole family which is too much for one person. My first concern is about you so please call our line or reach out to us on 1300 22 4636 or lifeline. The next thing which I guess is hard considering all you have going on is self care. Please remember to take care of yourself. Have you heard the saying " Put your own oxygen mask on first' before you can care for others." Meaning, we can't do much if we fall apart to help others or ourselves.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself

Do you have support for yourself ? A 12 week old baby is just so much responsibility and work, you must be exhausted and many changes to your body as well. You can get through this but its tough times now thats for sure. Is he on the right medication ? Im not a Dr, maybe DR KIM on this site might be of help but I thought hallucinations and psychotic episodes was not ADHD, it is psychosis and requires specific treatment and medication. If you are not sure get another assessment and opinion for your husband. It does not help that he is drinking with this medication that's for sure but aside from offering the help and setting up the appointments then you can only take care of yourself and your kids. He needs to get help and he has to want to get help thats the only way these things work. He is very lucky to have you they all are:) What a lovely caring and strong woman you are ! Well be gentle with yourself and please reach out to us or let us know how you are going if you can or want to. Take one day, one hour at a time and know that you are doing the best you can. You need support, it would be a good idea to get to see a counsellor or talk to someone for yourself. Please let us know if there is anymore information we can provide for you or help to support you. Thinking of you and best wishes Nikkir x

Melfromthepond · ‎09-11-2016

Thank you for your reply Nikki.

i have been able to talk to my sister about what is going on but she isn't able to provide any support in person unfortunately as she has her own young children and a back injury. She is good to talk to though.

i am waiting for a call back from the local family support service for some possible counselling and practical support.

I'm finding it really hard to empathise with my husband, I'd really just like some time away from him. I know that it's really hard for him at the moment, but our relationship has struggled over the past year anyway because of his drinking and now we can barely have a conversation because he's so highly medicated and we are under a lot of financial stress.

I just wish I could see an end to this.

Nikkir · ‎09-11-2016

Hi Melfromthepond,

Thank you for your reply and I am so pleased you could talk to your sister even if it is just talking sometimes that can make us feel better just to share our thoughts and feelings. I hope that you get the support you need locally, its great that you have made contact with support services and don't be afraid to chase them up if you don't hear back. It sounds like you are able to find resources which is great but if there is anything we can do or help to source then call our number or post 1300 22 4636. Is there anyway you could take a break ? or can your partner go somewhere ? Sometimes we all need a break just to gain some perspective in life. I can imagine it must have been very hard for you and dealing with someone who is highly medicated is not easy. It sounds like you have taken some steps to improve and change your situation. One day at a time and one foot in front of the other. Things don't have to be the way they are now forever, it is just navigating the terrain of change which can be very difficult but also in the end a path to peace. Thinking of you and hope you get a call back soon and hopefully some respite. Keep in touch if you can. Best Wishes Nikkir x