Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Depressed boyfriend pushing me away and feels like a burden

replies: 12

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. In that time we have lived and travelled together, and even gone engagement ring shopping. We are extremely close. He has always been honest that he has struggled with depression, but since we met he has largely controlled his moods with his medication. However, he is in a very dark place right now. He is back overseas with his family, so I am happy he is in a safe environment, and he plans to move back in two months if he is managing his depression well. The issue is he is pushing me away. I've tried to learn everything about depression so I don't say the wrong thing, as he can say extremely hurtful things to me and lash out in anger, telling me that I don't understand and I am 'accusing him'. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, including me, and I feel selfish for being so upset. I understand he cannot help his disease but he tells me he is a burden on me and he is bringing me down. I assure him he isn't, and I will wait for him and help in anyway I can. I know he is the love of my life and I told him I wasn't going anywhere. However, it is really hard to support him when we are in different countries. I can't just sit there and hold him like he tells me helps. I feel every day he pushes me away more. I even asked him if it was easier we take time apart so he can focus on himself (which broke my heart to write as it is not what I want), and he said no, he wanted to be with me, but that he needs time to figure out how to get better on his own (which I understand). I feel incredibly selfish for being so upset that I have lost my support and my best friend into such a dark hole. I am feeling alone, unsupported and as though I am carrying this relationship on my own. I know this is not what he wants for himself, I just feel helpless/at a breaking point because it's so hard to comfort someone who is a shell, especially when they are far away. I tell him I'm here when he is ready, but I really feel like I've lost the person I love so much and I am starting to feel down myself. My family worry that I am too young (early 20s) to be dealing with this, but I know we are in love and I cannot give up on him, because he never would on me (and has been the most loving man to me during the good times). Will he come back to before? How can I support and love him when he is far away? Thank you so much for reading. I would appreciate any advice as this is something I have never experienced.

Partner is lashing out

replies: 7

Hi all, My partner moved out of home about 3 weeks ago now, as he felt it was the only way he could cope with his severe depression; but I'm hearing from mutual friends that he works with that he is starting to lash out & be malicious. He has now become the workplace bully, singling out 1 particular person & messing with that person's personal effects, the most drastic being spitting in a water bottle & wiping the men's room urinal with a back support pillow. When he's been approached by his friends about his behaviour, he is quick to blame someone else & deny all culpability. When they ask if he's ok, he simply replies that he is fine but they've noticed the huge pendulum swing in his behaviour from malicious & angry one second to overly happy the next. Some people are now thinking he may have BPD because of how he is behaving. He is attempting to burn all of his bridges & push everyone away by saying & doing cruel things like blatantly lying or saying things he can't take back. Should he continue down this self destructive path, it's only a matter of time before he gets fired from his job. It hurts to see the person I love just in a downward spiral & there is nothing I can do to help him. I'm doing my best to be strong by going back to the gym, talking to friends, speaking to counselors online & over the phone, I've even booked in to see a psychologist tomorrow; however during my down time my mind can't help but wander to how he is since he is refusing any help. He is trying to solve this on his own & circling the drain & it's heartbreaking to have to sit back & watch.

Struggling to cope with anxious 10-year-old son

replies: 8

Hi everyone, I feel like I could really do with some support from people who are going through what I'm experiencing at the moment. I do have a wonderfully supportive family and some great friends, but no one who really knows what it's like to live with, and care for, someone with severe anxiety. My son has had separation anxiety since he was about 2 or 3, on and off, and also developed a phobia of being sick over the years. The psychologist says he also has generalised anxiety disorder. It was pretty bad last year for a few months, but seemed to get much better after seeing the psychologist (about 10 times). Unfortunately he got pretty sick while on holiday in July, and ever since his anxiety has come back with a vengeance. Both the separation anxiety and the sickness phobia - worse than ever before. It's quite debilitating for him. We're getting school refusal most days and also a complete withdrawal from sports and parties etc - anywhere outside of his comfort zone. He also recently saw a psychiatrist, who prescribed him medication to bring down the anxiety to a level that he can benefit from CBT but obviously this will take some time to work and in the meantime it's slowly but surely wearing us down. Some days I'm very empathetic and nurturing etc, but others (like today) I want to run a mile and have zero patience for him. Is anyone else feeling this way? I'd also love to hear from anyone else whose child has been prescribed Lovan for anxiety and had success. Thank you.

How to deal with 19 y/o son depression

replies: 4

Hi, I am very new here and need to ask a question on here to see if anyone can help me. My very bright intelligent 19 almost 20 year old son has depression. I have finally managed to get him to GP and a clinical Pysch. He was a Uni studying computer science and maths and Statistics. This was his second year. For the last semester he had basically given up on Uni, to the point of not even sitting his end of semester exams. He has been up all night online gaming and sleeping spozmatically throughout the day and he has gained weight. He does go out with Friends and drinks a lot of alcohol and I do know he has taken Marijuana (possible he has even had heavier drugs). My son is a beautiful, caring, loving young man, and it's frustrating me no end that I can't fix this for him. I suppose what I really want to know is do you think is acceptable for us to ban/turn off internet access overnight to see if this makes a difference to his poor sleep habits. As it's only early days with the Doctor and Psych I don't know if me pushing his buttons is a good thing given the depression? Thankyou from a very concerned Mum

What can we do?

replies: 15

I believe my son is suffering depression. He shows many of the symptoms as indicated on the website. When he graduated as a paramedic and couldn't get a job, he just wallowed - no clear direction. We convinced him (finally) to see a career psychologist which he did and it did seem to help a little as he has some ideas but still nothing really concrete. He doesn't live at home but stays at ours when we go away. We noticed money has gone missing when we have been away. He is now using online gambling sites (via a credit card which we have access to) and we are concerned he has got himself into serious trouble and owes money. We wonder if he is on drugs hence the need for money.... we are providing some financial support but it has gone too far and it isn't fair on the other children who are self sufficient. Just don't know where to begin...who to seek help from for both him and us as we are finding it is weighing heavily on our minds.

Depressed boyfriend appears to have Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 5

Hi there, I wrote on here a few weeks ago about my depressed boyfriend breaking up with me during a dark space. A pyschologist who knows both myself and my now ex-boyfriend has told me he believes he is suffering with BPD, which would explain a lot of his confusing and abnormal behaviours. This provides me with relief that I was not going 'crazy' (as his behaviour was extremely , confusing). He has extremely low, depressed moods at times (like when he broke up with me only days after talking seriously about marriage), severe anger issues, a huge fear of abandonment/being alone, he is extremely jealous, often says he feels an 'empty' feeling, he has never had stable relationships, has threatened suicide, has extreme irratibility and sometimes paranoia. He has broken up with me 5 times seemingly out of no where (no fights, no sign of trouble at all), and always come back within a month. This time feels very different though- he was very depressed this time, unlike the others, and I am still worried, confused and feeling helpless. I feel like the best option is for me to give distance and no contact- I don't feel like I can do anything. We are not in the same country right now so it helps with keeping me from reaching out and stopping by to check on him. I am trying to respect his wishes of wanting to break up, but my mind keeps returning to his confusing and sometimes scary behaivour. The relationship has taken a huge toll on me. I was very 'normal' before, and now I have nightmares, anxiety with panic attacks and

Bipolar and drug dependency

replies: 2

Hi, When you have someone who you care for and their bipolar has been treated but you still find them not having regular sleeping habits. What do you do when you have pointed it out to them and they still continue down the same path? My concerns do not end there as i worry that their is another contributing factor to the nodding off in the odd ways and places. They are on two meds for bipolar, taking medication from the drug and alcohol clinic and also a medication for a medical condition. Mid year they had a medical emergency and now i feel it is heading on the same track. Tonight i found him slumped in bath and it took a lot of convincing to get him up and out of the bath before he had another similar thing happen or far worse than the first. It could be one of three things and i can not put my finger on it :- Bipolar, Mix of Medications or Misuse of Medications. Just wondering if my first port of call would be to go and speak to his doctor and discuss my concerns because he thinks i am making a mountain out of a molehill and he is just dismissing my concerns. If someone has a better suggestion please post, although i am taking this direction tomorrow as i feel it is something that needs attention ASAP. Input is very welcome so there is a better outcome and this does not continue. Gen

Trying to get my mum help, where to start?

replies: 6

Hi all, I have only recently started to realise that my mum's behaviour and emotions may not be the healthiest and I desperately want to get help for her as it is not only affecting her but the people around her also. I am not 100% positive about what my mother has but from what I have read bipolar sounds like part of it. She will be "normal" mum (I have never really liked the term normal but I can't really think of a better word) and then she will become manic or high (hearing and seeing things, being overly positive) followed by an extremely emotional and occasionally suicidal state. My mother refuses to seek therapy as she has had negative experiences with psychologists. She was put in an institute when she was 15 for mental health issues and she was able to manipulate her way out of it. She told me that she just told the doctors what they wanted to hear so that they would release her. So now she is convinced that psychology is all a gimmick to make money.Even after sexual abuse, loss of a child, divorce, etc., she still refuses to see anyone. She now constantly needs to be on the phone with me (we talk at the very least 3 hours a day) and it is starting to impact my life as well as my partners. She also visits quite often and stays for a month at a time. I am a very private and quiet person so even talking on the phone is very stressful to me and on top of this she often talks about her problems but then gets angry when I attempt to help. It is getting very stressful for me and affecting my uni, work and personal life as she always needs my constant attention. She lives overseas so it is very hard for me to know what is happening and she always tries to hide certain details from me. She is also very good at manipulating people and making them believe that she is a perfect human being with no problems. I finally had a breakthrough with her after an especially bad episode (attempted suicide) and she has agreed to go see a psychologist as long as I organise everything. I currently live in Brisbane, are there any psychologists that you can recommend? Where should I start? I would like someone that my mum can really trust and see through the barrier she puts up. Apologies about the long post, thank you in advance.

Husband with PND

replies: 2

Hi! I have a 5 month old baby boy and I've just realised that my husband is suffering from PND. He's recently started a new high pressure job that has him working longer hours and a bit of travel. I feel like this job has triggered a bit of a breakdown. He's been much more distant lately and upon questioning him he has stated that he doesn't feel any connection to his son and no passion for anything in life including me. I'm devestated honestly and had no idea things were this bad. He says he loves his son and me but feels emotionally numb. He's had a rough past which i think has perpetuated this. His father was quite abusive and committed suicide when my husband was four. He says this isn't an issue but I beg to differ. We also went through two years of male factor infertility and eventually conceived through IVF. Naturally he has supported me through all of that and I couldn't have asked for a better husband and support. But I feel he's been strong for me a so long he's neglected his own mental health. He's been very involved with his son until this point however recently he just has no interest. He's agreed to see a psych and that's a positive step. He's booked in for two weeks time. I'm really struggling to help pull him out of this and am devestated for both him and my son. He said yesterday that he thinks my son and I would be better off if he left which is just not true. Any words of comfort or advice? Thank you

What next??

replies: 3

My boyfriend was finally formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few months ago. While I couldn't be happier that he finally accepted that there was an issue and is trying to get help, he has started leaning on me a lot. I'm happy to support him but he's become dependant on me, despite his insisting that he isn't. He's been using me as a crutch, a default solution rather than trying to help himself. He's been insisting that I'm a better solution than his medication and it's starting to worry me. I know he would never hurt me, but I feel so much pressure to help him it's scaring me. What should I do?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Depressed boyfriend pushing me away and feels like a burden replies: 12

Partner is lashing out replies: 7

Struggling to cope with anxious 10-year-old son replies: 8

How to deal with 19 y/o son depression replies: 4

What can we do? replies: 15

Depressed boyfriend appears to have Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 5

Bipolar and drug dependency replies: 2

Trying to get my mum help, where to start? replies: 6

Husband with PND replies: 2

What next?? replies: 3