How to deal with 19 y/o son depression

[Gert12]

Hi, I am very new here and need to ask a question on here to see if anyone can help me. My very bright intelligent 19 almost 20 year old son has depression. I have finally managed to get him to GP and a clinical Pysch. He was a Uni studying computer science and maths and Statistics. This was his second year. For the last semester he had basically given up on Uni, to the point of not even sitting his end of semester exams. He has been up all night online gaming and sleeping spozmatically throughout the day and he has gained weight. He does go out with Friends and drinks a lot of alcohol and I do know he has taken Marijuana (possible he has even had heavier drugs). My son is a beautiful, caring, loving young man, and it's frustrating me no end that I can't fix this for him. I suppose what I really want to know is do you think is acceptable for us to ban/turn off internet access overnight to see if this makes a difference to his poor sleep habits. As it's only early days with the Doctor and Psych I don't know if me pushing his buttons is a good thing given the depression?

Thankyou from a very concerned Mum

[blondguy]

Hello Gert12

Thankyou for having the courage to post and good on you

I really do feel your pain Gert. Being a concerned mum is a benefit to your son and his well being of course.

My daughter is 23 and went through the same situation (switching off the care factor) when she was in school. This is where as parents we have little 'say' when our precious child takes the wrong fork in the road.

Your sons' last semester is interesting...If its okay to ask, was there was anything that triggered his loss of interest that you are aware of? You have done very well by consulting his GP as well as clinical help. A huge step

I have had depression (clinical) since 1996 and have done well in the private sector in a senior role after stumbling and fumbling initially even though I am bright and intelligent. (depression usually gets a hold of the brightest and smartest as our goals are set so high)

To answer your question re the internet (which is a tough one)...If it was to aid his health and well being my opinion would be go for it. Banning it would be good but it would be better if there was no internet available at all

He may feel like he can 'cruise' right now but clinical depression is no excuse for taking your caring parental qualities for granted.

There are a few things happening here.....Does your son enjoy studying computer science?.....also does he have a peer group that may have different ideals/values to your son?

Please forgive me for the questions Gert. Just trying to help. There are many very caring mums on the forums that want the best for their son/daughter. You are not alone here.

The Beyond Blue forums are also a non judgemental zone and are rock solid secure to ensure your privacy too:-)

we are here for you Gert12 (apologies for the delay in responding...normally we are quick)

my kindest thoughts for you

Paulx

[DV_Arjay]

Hey Gert

Im a young 19 year old man myself. Going through depression currently

I do weed every week or 2. work every day. game professionaly every night.

I only go to bed at 3am and wake up at 10am for work usually and then back to the cycle til a day off.

Im in a linear cycle of shit. And if your son has been doing the same actions for the past month.

Then turning the internet off would quite possibly get a really bad reaction out of your son.

Personally what I want my dad to accept. Is my passio for gaming and how its giving me a life with money. so if there is sonething you dont agree with your sons passions. you might want to flip that and learn about it.

I know all my dads passions and learned things to have conversations with him to do with his golf, soccer, or his work being his life.

Understand your son. You will get him to spill out problems that you thought were never the issue. For instance

He might just be lonely for not having a gf, or enough close friends. Or he has a fear that he is emberassed about.

Small stuff eventually do this stuff to us ya know.

Rob

[DV_Arjay]

I disagree with turning the internet off just for his well being. His gaming at night is his escape from the crap we call life. a place to disconnect from all the stress.

If you removed it. Youd find youd get a really annoyed tennager i reckon. then again. Its your house.

[geoff]

hello Gert, this is a situation which would be frightening for you, a young intelligent son losing interest in uni in a very difficult course, but whether his loss of interest is because of his depression or whether he has decided that this isn't the direction he wants to take, however his depression might be clouding his mind which is very likely to happen.
To turn off or ban the internet so that he can't use it, may or maybe not a good idea as he may become rebellious and cause him to drink more alcohol and smoke more weed, and at his age he may go out and stay out longer than he has been already.
As a caring parent all you want is that he sleeps and eats well, contain his alcohol and hopefully stay away from the weed, but unfortunately you can't control any of this as much as you want to, and the more you try and push him the worse he may become.
I say this because he isn't interested in uni and could stop doing the course, but smokes and drinks alcohol as well as online games, so at the moment he's rejecting his current life and the more you try and push his buttons the more he will distance himself.
At the moment wait and see how he goes with the psych, but can I suggest that you stay connected with him and when he wants to talk with you,then let him express himself. Geoff.